Naruto: Shadow Clones for the Win
by Verum in Phantasia
Summary: Dumped into Naruto's body the morning after he learns his signature Jutsu and the truth about why the village hates him, what am I to do? Abuse the Hell out of Shadow Clones. Show Lee what Hard Work really is. And kick some Emo duck-butt. Or I could build a Harem...hmmm. Shadow Clones for the Win! SI!Naruto. Strong!Smart!Naruto. Mature themes. Possible SI!NarutoxSmallHarem
1. Chapter 1

Hey y'all, this is the second story I will be working on.

As you can probably tell it is a Naruto SI fic centered around the abuse of the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu.

Yes, Naruto will eventually get extremely strong, but no more overpowered then say Endgame Sasuke, Madara, Hashirama, etc.

No, Naruto will unfortunately NOT be doing much curb stomping until at least the Chunin Exams.

Yes, I will try to get through the Wave Arc with as little hassle as possible.

I'm debating working on one more story in addition to the two I currently have going.

Thinking about a Champione! fic and I might do another SI as those seem to be what the plot bunnies have been devising in their warren within my head.

* * *

*I do not own Naruto or any of the Characters, Events, Jutsu, or ideas seen within Naruto. I do not receive payment for my efforts in writing this story. *

Without preventing y'all from reading any longer, have at it!

* * *

Chapter 1: Initiate Kage Bunshin Curb Stomp Phase 1

Who the fuck trashed my room?

That was my first thought as I woke up and looked around.

My second was why did my head hurt so damn bad?

I put a hand to my head and rubbed my temples for a few moments before my headache started to fade, which was my first clue that something wasn't quite right. The clincher to that fact was when my eyes snapped open and I realized that this shithole wasn't, in fact, my room.

Except I knew that it was actually my room and that the villagers were responsible for its abysmal shape. I marveled over my new (commonly used) vocabulary and marveled over the fact that I was marveling over using such a common term.

I got up and my head didn't rise very far from where it had been when I was sitting on my (not my) bed. Despite being so much shorter (the same height) as I was used to I moved relatively gracefully. I walked into the bathroom and looked at (not) my reflection in the mirror.

I was short (waiting for my growth spurt-ttebayo), had spiky, golden, blond hair under a stupid (cool) sleeping hat, had cerulean, blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and three scar-like birthmarks on each cheek…

Holy Shit.

I'm Naruto (The Future Hokage-DATTEBAYO!). That can't be right I'm not (SO) Uzumaki Naruto! However, I know that I am (not) Naruto!

I mean I can remember my entire life! I went to school (the academy) and graduated in one (three) try (tries) at the top (bottom) of my class. I (have never) had a girlfriend, well several, but hadn't found the right one for me. I had (no) parents, and (no) siblings.

I had (no) family! I lived in the normal world where Naruto was an anime protagonist, which I found to be really, REALLY, awesome all of a sudden.

As I stared into my reflection's blue orbs I decided to try and be logical about this whole thing. Apparently I was in Naruto's (my) body. From what I could tell I had all of his (my) memories about his (my) upbringing, training, and all of the people he (I) knew.

But more important, was that I also somehow instinctually knew that I could use all of his (my AWESOME) skills. That included his (my) awful (not great) chakra control, his (my) stupidly large chakra reserves, his (my) unrelenting energy, and his (my) fuzz ball of a tenant.

That…that was good. If I had to be in this world, a world where people could destroy forests, create worldwide illusions, steal hearts to extend their life, and on and on, being the main character, who was also a hideous waste (untapped treasure trove) of potential, wasn't that bad of an option.

Assuming of course that I wasn't hallucinating or in a coma somewhere, then I was actually in the world of Naruto and being someone who had stupid chakra levels, a surprising amount of talent, more guts than just about anyone ever, and always won in the end was a good thing.

Obviously I would rather be someone like Sasuke (teme), Kabuto, or Madara, but Naruto would do (was awesome).

Though what had to be the absolute best part of the situation? Last night was the night Naruto (I) stole the scroll for Mizuki's (teme) fake graduation exam. Meaning that I knew a Jutsu that given enough time would arguably be more Hax than the Cheatingan itself.

Yes, I knew the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu and I had two weeks to abuse the Hell out of it to catch myself up to my peers before squads were assigned.

So, what was I going to do with the several hundred clones this awesome technique provided? Start training nature transformations? Learn awesome new Ninjutsu?

Nope. (What! Why the Hell not?)

I was going to master the basics (Boring). That meant sending a few hundred clones to both of Konoha's libraries (I have to read? Boring old books?), the civilian one and the shinobi one, and having them read everything a potential Genin is allowed to in order to increase my knowledge of this world and NOT be a dobe (I'm NOT a dobe, I'm awesome and the future HOKAGE!).

I also really needed a BINGO book as that would help explain away some of my future knowledge.

While that happens another few hundred of my clones will start the tree climbing exercise (COOL), and then alternating between the leaf sticking and spinning exercise and practicing hand seals while doing the tree climbing for added control benefits as it seems that having my admittedly superior (slightly higher) intellect in Naruto's (my) body seems to have increased my chakra capacity and its potency even more.

Finally, a few other clones will be Henging into random other people, buying me food that has proper nutrition, so I don't have to be a chibi (wait for my growth spurt) for a few years, Kurama's chakra and the Uzumaki vitality (I have a clan!) should sort out my vertical problem shortly once I provide my body with the needed nutrients, and correcting my wardrobe.

I seem to have inherited Naruto's (my) love of the color orange, but I know that orange is not a suitable color for a Genin. Maybe I'll incorporate it into my outfit when I'm a Jonin…maybe.

While my clones are doing that, I will be hunting down a certain spandex-wearing freak in order to exercise my inner masochist, I mean learn Taijutsu. Hopefully Gai will take pity and accept me as a student and provide me with weights to wear as I train.

I chose Maito Gai not only for his talent in Taijutsu, and his talent in teaching said Taijutsu to a handicapped shinobi like Rock Lee, but also for his crazy dedication to physical fitness. If a virtually normal person like Rock Lee can be trained into such a beast, then with my new body's crazy vitality and recovery speed in addition to Kurama's chakra healing all of my injuries in minutes, making breaking bones a nonissue, because bones don't actually get stronger when they break, and tearing muscles would only help as they do get stronger after being broken down.

Which happens to make me a perfect candidate to learn the Goken, and hopefully I'll be able to add a little something-something to make it my own personal style down the line. It'll be awesome, you can bet on it-ttebayo! OH FUCK NO! I refuse to adopt that STUPID (AWESOME) verbal tic.

Enough monologuing to myself, it's time for me to get to work on transforming myself from a dobe into a genius (from awesome to even more AWESOME), both of talent and of hard work.

* * *

I couldn't remember where Team Guy was supposed to train in canon, so I used fanfiction as my guide and tried searching in the areas around training ground 9. It turned out that fanfiction was correct and I didn't need to waste my time or chakra to use clones to help me search.

When I found Gai and his mini-me, they were without Neji and Tenten. I assumed that it was a day off and the two were simply training fanatics before shrugging to myself and approaching them.

"YOSHHHHHH! LEE! Fan the flames of your YOUTH with another 500 push ups!" The larger bushy-brows bellowed.

"HAI, GAI-SENSEI! And if I cannot do that then I will run around the village 50 times before lunch!" Yelled out the mini bushy-brows.

"How YOUTHFUL my prized student! I will help you, and if you cannot do that then I shall climb the Hokage Monument with my pinkies and three boulders tied to my back!" The bigger one rejoined excitedly.

My right eyebrow started to twitch.

"GAI-SENSEI!" Lee screamed.

"LEE!" Gai returned.

I was reconsidering my decision, but I was already committed. And I didn't want to trust simple luck to keep me alive in the future, not with all of the stupidly powerful people that will be trying to kill me.

"Excuse me." I cut off the two spandex wearing freaks before they could initiate their sunset Genjutsu of…(youth) homoeroticism.

They cut off their screaming and hugging in order to turn and see who interrupted them. Gai's face took on a look of surprise for a moment before he hid it behind a mask of congeniality.

"OH, Lee we have a guest! Who are you my young friend? Are you here to FAN THE FIRES OF YOUR YOUTH!?" Gai knew exactly who this boy was, but it wouldn't do to act as if he did. Deceiving the child was such an unyouthful act, but it was on the Hokage's orders.

"YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTTTTHHHHHHH!" Lee shrieked, reminding me of Sakura in a sick and twisted way.

"Umm…my name is Uzumaki Naruto, and in a way I suppose I am?" I shrugged, really put off by the two of them. Even though I knew they were basically two of the very few people in Konoha who wouldn't look down on me and would help me grow stronger at the moment.

I scuffed the ground with the toe of my sandal and looked down bashfully as I asked my question and put my future in Gai's hands. "I-I was hoping that you would help me train in Taijutsu. I heard from some of the other shinobi talking that you were an expert Gai-san."

I glanced up and saw a strange look on Gai's face and an excited one on Lee's, so I hurried to explain my reasoning in the hopes that Lee's enthusiasm and my reasons would influence him to say yes.

Gai wasn't sure how to feel. He knew that the boy wasn't the Kyuubi, but he also knew of his bad reputation as a loudmouth, obnoxious brat, and as a chronic prankster. However the child before him didn't seem to be any of those three things, but someone honestly seeking guidance and help in becoming stronger.

"I, well, I'm not very well liked by most people in the village." I began, Lee seemed to be confused, but Gai obviously understood.

"So the instructors at the academy found ways to sabotage me, either by training me wrong or by finding ways to avoid training me altogether. So eventually I gave up trying to learn from them, sadly that included just about everything in the academy, and with the civilians all hating me and over charging me for everything or just kicking me out of places it's a wonder I even managed to graduate as the dead last."

Lee's eyes widened at that particular title, and Gai's took on a hard glint.

"For the longest time I just accepted that that was the way my life was. I pretended to be as dumb as I could to avoid making the people who hated me think I was a threat. I gave up on learning because no one would bother to help me, but now that I'm a shinobi."

I flicked my forehead protector as I said that to emphasize my point.

"I not only need to learn and become strong in order to survive, but I also need it to protect my comrades, to not be a liability, and to make everyone see that I have value too. That I'm not worthless like they think I am.

That I'm not a monster. And even as a simple Genin, I can now access resources that I couldn't before.

No one but Hokage-jiji can stop me, and I know he wants me to succeed. So I'm doing my best to catch up to everyone else, for now. However, given a bit of help and some time I'll be sure to run right by them so that they can see my back.

So that I can show them that I'm not a dobe, but their comrade. And especially so I can become strong enough to find people special to me, protect them, and become Hokage so that I can protect everyone in the village!"

I finished my speech with a clenched fist and fire burning in my eyes. I may have come up with those words to appeal to Gai and Lee, but somewhere along the way I had gotten caught up in what I was saying and a bit of canon Naruto seeped through. (That…was…so…COOOOOOOOOL)

Hmm, I guess I might have to watch out for being influenced by Naruto's (my) original beliefs and goals.

Gai and Lee both had their heads bowed; their bowl cuts hiding their eyes in shadow. Before they suddenly appeared at my side, each grasping one of my shoulders.

"YOSH! WHAT SPIRIT AND DETERMINATION YOU HAVE YOUNG MAN! I MAITO GAI WILL ENSURE THAT YOU GAIN THE STRENGTH TO PROTECT YOUR COMRADES! IF I CANNOT DO THIS I WILL DO 10 MILLION PUSHUPS ON 1 THUMB!"

Gai bellowed while striking a 'nice guy' pose and his teeth flashed. He decided to train Naruto just as he was training Lee, it would be most YOUTHFUL to have them spar with each other and push the other to improve and excel.

"NARUTO-SAN! YOU ARE SO YOUTHFUL! TO SUFFER SO MUCH AND YET STILL DESIRE TO GET STRONGER TO PROTECT OTHERS…YOSH I WILL FAN MY FLAMES OF YOUTH WITH YOU! AND IF I CANNOT…"

Lee also entered a 'nice guy' pose, flashing teeth and all. Lee was ecstatic about having another disciple of Gai-sensei to train with. They would fan their flames of YOUTH together!

I stopped listening to them at that point, content to let them do their thing for a bit before I reminded them of what I was there for.

"So." I interrupted some ridiculous claim about running to Kumo and back on two fingers. "When can we get started? And do I need weights or anything?"

* * *

The day passed quickly after that. I got to know Lee and Gai a bit better before Gai took some of his old weights out of a sealing scroll.

Gai told me that I would be starting off with only 50 pounds on each leg and that I would go up from there depending on how much and how fast my strength improved and how much he and I felt I could handle.

Although he did tell me he would keep me from going overboard…riiiiiight.

Then the two training fanatics put me through the workout from Hell before kicking my ass 6 ways to Sunday. Then they had me repeat all of it four more times.

My ass had been thoroughly kicked, the disorientation from a clone dispelling every now and then didn't help, and even with my new body I felt tired. Surprisingly enough I wasn't exhausted, definitely tired, but not overmuch.

This just proved how much untapped potential Naruto had as a shinobi if Kishimoto wasn't such an asshole to him. (Of course, because I'm Awesome and the Future Hokage!)

So I made sure Gai knew to go harder on me tomorrow, damn masochistic tendencies and burning desire to be strong. They told me to show up here at 4 in the morning everyday before once again striking 'nice guy' poses and announcing that they looked forward to seeing me tomorrow.

Before he left, Gai, Gai-sensei now I guess, gave me a sealing scroll that contained heavier weights that I could use in the days ahead. After they left I continued training until my last clone dispelled, leaving me dead on my feet just as the sun was setting.

I headed back to my shitty apartment and cooked myself a (my first) home made dinner in this body, eating enough to feed 10 regular people, (Wish it had been ramen) before showering.

When I no longer stank of sweat and blood, I meditated for an hour in order to process and store all the information my clones had gathered from the shinobi library, I figured its information was more pertinent than the civilian one at the moment. Then it was time to set my alarm for 3:30 and go to sleep.

* * *

The two weeks before squad assignments flew by like that, with me devouring all the information in the Shinobi library available to a lowly Genin in only 2 days with the use of my clones.

I tucked away a few copies of simple D and C-rank Jutsu for later on before I directed my clones towards the civilian library, which took up the rest of the week.

Within that time my knowledge of my current world and its inhabitants soared.

Devoting some of my clones towards practicing the few Taijutsu katas Gai had taught me improved my knowledge, muscle memory, response time, and reflexes along with his merciless training of my physical body I had raised my ability with Taijutsu greatly, probably putting me about even with Sasuke (I'd beat the snot out of the teme), and was starting to show serious results with my strength and speed as well.

In addition to all that, my chakra control had gone from truly terrible to fairly acceptable.

I had mastered the tree climbing exercise in 2 days with the help of my clones, and then mastered spinning leaves as I stuck to the tree the day after that.

Water walking soon followed and once my clones had that down, with the leaf spinning added on, I went and bought some balloons and rubber balls.

Oh yeah, I was going to learn the Rasengan and I was not going to be a retard and try to do it without my clones, like in the original timeline. (HEY! Well, yeah that was pretty dumb.)

If retard me (Hey, I was awesome even as a dobe!) could do it in a month by himself, I give myself max two weeks to be able to form it with one hand by using clones.

My final endeavor with chakra control for now was beginning to learn Wind Nature Transformation.

I had several reasons for this; one was that I knew I had that affinity.

I didn't know if I had gained anymore by becoming Naruto (Which would be super cool and would impress Sakura-chan and let me rub it in teme's stupid face!), but I knew I had a Wind Affinity at least, and Wind Natured Rasengan would be sweet.

Second was that with water walking done I didn't really know any other chakra control exercises besides Nature Transformations.

And though I had made progress, I could now tell how much chakra I was losing when I tried the few weak Jutsu I knew and had even managed to reduce it by about half.

Although that just meant that I was using 5 times as much as was needed as opposed to 10 times as much, and I would like to improve that.

All in all I felt like I had made fantastic progress and I appreciated the cheat that was the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. (I was becoming ever more Awesome-ttebayo!)

After returning from my morning workout with the spandex twins I showered, ate a hearty breakfast a clone had whipped up for me, and finally broke out my new wardrobe. It might not have any orange in it, but it was pretty badass. (It would have been cooler if it had orange.)

I had a black mask just like Kakashi's on my face, mostly so that I could fuck with the annoying Cyclops, but also because it would help hide my facial expressions.

My hands and forearms were covered with black, fingerless gloves and the bracers that ANBU wear.

On my torso I wore a black sleeveless shirt and the ANBU chest protector, and loose black pants that were taped at my ankles hid my legs from view.

My Konoha headband sat proudly on my forehead, black, shinobi sandals covered my feet, and my kunai pouch was secured on my right thigh along with extra bandages to finish up my ensemble.

All in all I thought I looked pretty cool (INCREDIBLY AWESOME, but lacking in orange), if only I would grow a bit more. That's not to say that I hadn't grown any, because I had really underestimated either the Uzumaki heritage or the healing effects of Kurama's chakra flowing through my veins because I had already sprouted up 6 inches in this week alone, although the food costs were horrendous, going from a 4'8" chibi to a 5'2" giant!

Well comparative to my peers who were all around 4'9"~5'0" tall at this point.

I was holding out hope that by correcting my diet this early in the series I could reach at least 6 feet tall. Cause man did I hate being short, at least my classmates wouldn't be able to call me a chibi along with a dobe. (I can't wait for them to see how much more awesome I've become!)

That's not even mentioning that I had gotten the weight up from 50 pounds each leg to about 250 pounds each leg by the end of the 2 weeks without slowing myself down, something I was very proud of.

Ready as I would ever be, I headed out, but not to the academy. I had one stop to make before I confronted my classmates.

The secretary sneered at me like usual after she got over her surprise at my new appearance, but I paid her no mind as I barged my way into Jiji's workplace as I always did.

"Heya Jiji!" I called as I trooped into his office.

The old man was sitting behind his desk, which was piled with stacks of paper work, both finished and unfinished. I clearly saw a moment of shock on his face, causing me to grin under my new mask, before he schooled his features.

"Ah, Naruto what are you doing here? Don't you have to report to the academy for squad assignments? And my you've sprouted up like a weed! What have you been eating? I also see you've changed your outfit, what prompted this somewhat…drastic change?"

Hiruzen sat back in his chair as his eyes flickered over my form, cataloguing more information than I probably even knew I was giving away.

He's changed so much, even since the last time I saw him, and even then he was changing Hiruzen thought. What could have happened to alter everything about the boy? I hope you are truly fine Naruto. I couldn't forgive myself if any more harm came to you. I've already failed both your parents and you so much more than you will ever know.

To be fair to Hiruzen, he hadn't seen me for a while. I hadn't had the time to stop by since I had dropped off my Shinobi registration picture and had the standard Konohamaru and Ebisu experience.

I.E. I was apparently now Konohamaru's Boss and rival and Ebisu ended up bleeding out from his nose. At that point I was still a midget and wore my orange jumpsuit, of course I was in my new digs for the picture itself though.

"Weeeeeeeeell," I began, "Once I officially became a Genin I figured I should try to correct the damage done to me and my education by those who hated me for housing the Kyuubi."

I said it in a somewhat chipper tone, but Jiji still flinched a bit.

"So I Henged some of my clones and had them go buy me food and gear that wasn't overpriced, along with reading everything I could access in both of the village's libraries to cover the gaps in my knowledge from the biased instructors in the academy and my own lack of effort, and found out that eating only ramen, while delicious, was bad for me and would stunt my growth.

Then I started training with Lee and Gai-sensei to fix up my Taijutsu and get my strength and speed up. Also I had my clones do a lot of chakra control exercises since I figured out that I get the memories from them when they dispel.

Let me tell you it sped up my training and cut down my learning curve by a ton! Not to mention that everything I, or rather my clones, read said that bright colors were not good for shinobi.

So I decided to cut out the orange, at least until I become a Jonin, and I could actually afford to do so because of my Henge trick! Does that answer your questions, Jiji?"

He was silent for a moment before he sighed and looked very old and tired.

"Well you seem to be the Naruto that I know," he gave a tired laugh, "although I must say that I'm quite impressed. I can already tell that you've improved markedly since I saw you last. I also approve of your new attire, it is dark enough to blend in and the light weight ANBU armor should help keep you safe incase you are caught off guard when on missions outside the village.

Now…what did you come here to tell me Naruto? I know you must be excited to meet your squad and Jonin sensei."

Hiruzen asked as he leaned forward and smiled at me.

I looked at the ground for a moment and steeled my nerve before looking up and meeting his eyes, not only as my Jiji, but also as the Hokage.

"I wanted to tell you that in the coming days you might see me change, beyond what you've already seen."

His eyes widened in surprise at my announcement.

"I won't be pulling anymore pranks, unless they really deserve it, I won't be shouting out about becoming Hokage, although I will do that, and I won't be acting as if nothing in the world can dim my smile or drain my spirit. As a ninja of Konoha I no longer have to suffer in silence as I am discriminated against simply because of what was sealed inside me at birth. And so I won't."

He made to say something, but I held up a hand and he decided to hear me out.

"I won't lash out at others, but I also won't be a doormat any longer. I've decided to become a shinobi of Konoha, and as such I will be accorded the respect I deserve as one of its protectors, whether or not the people like it matters not to me. I will protect them, my friends, my loved ones, and this village with my life, and they will come to understand that I am not the Kyuubi and that they have made a great number of mistakes involving me. However, I am the bigger person and I will make them see that through my actions as a shinobi of Konoha."

I finished with conviction before adding a lighthearted comment. "So keep that hat warm for me Jiji."

He took a moment to absorb my words before he smiled.

"Good."

He stood and approached me before resting his hands on my shoulders.

"You will be a wonderful shinobi, Naruto, and I am positive you will accomplish all that you set your sights on. And I know that you will make me proud of you."

I smiled up at him as he patted my shoulder gently before reminding me that I needed to get to the academy. I asked him for a favor before I left, which caused him to break out in guffaws before he agreed and had an ANBU fetch me what I asked for.

* * *

I thought confronting my peers would be a breeze. After all, they were just 12-13 year old brats and between the original Naruto and the original me we had over 30 years of life under our belts. (Not to mention a TON of awesomeness!)

I was wrong, and it was entirely my body's fault. As most fanfiction points out, hormones and puberty suck. I was nervous, but hid it with a blank face, a purposeful and graceful stride, and my nifty facemask.

The scene was pretty much as I expected when I entered. Shikamaru and Choji were sitting together, the former with his head on the table and the latter snacking on a bag of chips.

Sasuke was brooding while staring out the window.

Hinata was studiously avoiding looking at me directly, although I could feel her gaze upon me.

Shino was sitting quietly, watching the rest of the class as his insects buzzed gently.

Kiba was fooling around with Akamaru, trying to show off for Hinata.

And Ino and Sakura were yet to arrive, just like in canon.

Everyone froze when they noticed me.

Kiba tripped over his own feet and barely avoided squashing Akamaru, Shino's bugs started buzzing slightly louder, Choji paused with a chip midway to his mouth, Shikamaru glanced up and was about to put his head back down when he froze, and Sasuke glanced at me only to start staring.

Hinata alone continued to do what she was doing before, avoid looking at me directly while blushing.

My first move was to approach Sasuke and give him a slight bow to the shock of everyone in the room.

"Uchiha-san, I would like to apologize for my behavior prior to today. It has been brought to my attention that I behaved inappropriately in response to a perceived slight, due to the mistreatment I receive from both the villagers as well as the academy instructors. I would like to ask your forgiveness and wish you good luck on your future endeavors as a fellow shinobi of Konoha."

I stayed in my slight bow until Sasuke gathered his scattered wits and gave a dismissive grunt to signal his agreement. "Hn."

"Thank you Uchiha-san. Once again you have my apology."

Standing from my bow I went to take a seat next to Hinata, much to my amusement and her enthused horror. Sasuke followed me out of the corner of his eye, even as he seemed to be wondering about my change in attitude.

"Good morning Hinata-chan. You don't mind if I call you by your given name do you? Unlike Uchiha-san I don't believe I've slighted you, and I feel like we could become good friends."

I gave her a double eye smile from behind my mask; I had 2 clones spend hours perfecting it.

"G-g-good m-morning N-Naruto-kun. I-I d-don't r-really m-mind, I-I w-would like that." The stuttering, tomato of a Hyuga replied looking like she was about to faint.

Naruto is talking to me! W-we haven't really ever talked before. I hope he doesn't think I'm weird because I'm stuttering and turning red. Come on Hinata, be brave. This is your chance to spend time with him and get to know each other! Hinata attempted to keep herself calm and muster her courage.

"Good! I train every morning at 4 at training ground 9 with a few friends if you would like to join? I think it would be a good opportunity to learn more about each other and-" I was rudely interrupted by Kiba.

"Oi! What are you doing walking in here and chatting up Hinata-chan like you own the place, Dead last!? This is for squad assignments, and that means you need to have graduated the academy! Which you failed!"

The mutt barked at me as the mutt on his head barked in agreement.

"Well Inuzuka-san, I was thinking that I would apologize to Uchiha-san, try to engage Hinata-chan in conversation as I really haven't talked to her, before greeting the rest of you.

Then I would inevitably have to point out to some less than intelligent individual, probably you based on past experience, that I am in fact wearing a Konoha headband and therefore am an academy graduated Genin.

Just like you Inuzuka-san. Then I planned on making a statement to all of you once everyone was here to address my past behavior and set a tone for the future. However if you would like to ask some questions before that, I would be amenable to answering."

I replied civilly, but with a bit of bite, not rising to his juvenile bait as I finally calmed my nerves. (Take that dog-boy!)

"Troublesome," came a soft groan, "alright then Naruto. What's up with the complete change in behavior, speech pattern, height, and dress code?" Just like Shikamaru to cut to the heart of the matter without even lifting his head up from the table.

"Hn." The master conversationalist, Sasuke, added his two cents.

"Well, to answer your questions in the order you asked.

I managed to graduate and am therefore no longer under the power of the civilian council, but Hokage-jiji. That changed quite a bit for me, but I won't get into that now.

This led me to be able to access the libraries, as is a shinobi's right, when before the villagers had the power to deny me access. This allowed me to actually learn something without anyone trying to teach it to me wrong on purpose or prevent me from learning it in the first place. Thus I learned how a shinobi should act, and added quite a few new words to my vocabulary."

To say that everyone looked shocked would be putting it mildly.

Everyone but Kiba and maybe Choji understood what I was implying and outright saying about my treatment from the academy instructors and the village in general.

Kiba just looked constipated.

I blithely continued on, ignoring their growing shock, disbelief, horror, and outrage.

"In my mission to educate myself I learned about proper nutrition, and took it upon myself to correct my diet by any means necessary. I have always healed quickly, and it seems that healing factor applies to correcting malnutrition as well. Finally, as I progressed in my studies and training I understood the dangers of missions outside the village.

I understood that while I may enjoy the color orange, it is not exactly discrete and would be a beacon to any hostiles around my squad. Thus I got rid of it for something more suited to life as a shinobi, at least until I am strong enough to protect those around me from whatever or whoever may come."

I finished with a smile and spread my arms, glancing condescendingly at Kiba, before throwing a wink at a stunned Hinata and looking back at Shikamaru.

"Did that answer your questions?" I asked with an eye smile.

Silence reigned in the classroom. Everyone looked shocked, disbelieving, and angry in various degrees.

Kiba mostly angry, at me presumably, Shikamaru looked mostly shocked as he stared at me, Sasuke was a portrayal of disbelief, and Hinata sat with swirls in her eyes and steam coming from her fire truck, red face.

Naruto-kun is so cool, and he winked at me. I need to-need to…uuuuuuuuh. Hinata tried to pull herself together but her brain had already shut down from all the steam coming from her face.

It was then that I heard the thundering of incoming fangirls. "Incoming fangirls, Uchiha-san." I warned Sasuke.

"Hn." He grunted his thanks for the warning and turned back to his window just as Sakura and Ino came storming in arguing about who crossed the threshold first.

Both of them froze when they saw me sitting by a still delirious Hinata.

I could almost see the giant question mark above Sakura's head, and I could see Ino's eyes turn sharp as she took in my form before they turned into hearts and she started to drool a little before catching herself and glancing between Sasuke and me.

"Yo." I greeted them with an eye smile causing Ino to blush a bit.

"Who's the new guy?" Sakura asked everyone.

The room was silent before Shikamaru sighed. "Troublesome. That's Naruto. Apparently he graduated, got some special training in, and it agreed with him." After he was done saying that he put his head back down as if done with all of us.

"WHAAAAAAAT!?" Ino and Sakura shrieked together as they whipped their heads back and forth between Shikamaru and me. I gave them another eye smile and a little wave.

"There is no way this hunk is Naruto! Naruto is a chibi and a dobe, and this guy, this guy is almost as hot as Sasuke-kun!" Ino shared her hurtful, yet flattering opinion.

Sakura chimed in with a shrill "Yeah! There is no way this guy is Naruto-Baka!"

"I'm wounded Ino-san, Sakura-san. To think you held such low opinions of me simply because of how hard the instructors and the villagers worked to keep me uneducated and inept!"

I spoke with mock hurt in my posture and voice, shoulders slumping and wiping away and imaginary tear.

"Although I suppose I should thank you for calling me hot, it is the first compliment to my looks a girl has ever given me. So thank you Ino-san." I finished with a nod in her direction.

"Wait so that really is Naruto-Baka?" Sakura asked everyone, but she was looking at her Sasuke-kun for confirmation.

"Hn." Sasuke replied with a nod.

"NO WAY!" Both girls shrieked again, jaws on the floor and eyes bugging out.

"That would be my cue for my announcement to set the tone for future interactions." I said to myself with a sweat drop at the shock and shrieking of the twin banshees.

Standing up I went to the front of the class and cleared my throat, getting everyone's attention. "As I've already let most of you know, I am not the Naruto you thought you knew.

Due to unfounded hate and bias the academy instructors, the villagers, and my own actions kept that Naruto ignorant and weak. Unfortunately for them, I graduated anyway. I then proceeded to educate myself and seek out special training in order to make up for the deficiencies that were caused by my own ill-advised actions and the bias against me.

If you don't believe me then go ask whatever authority figure you choose about me, odds are they will tell you that I am trouble or that you should avoid or shun me but will not explain why."

I took a breath and looked over the faces of my audience, observing their reactions before continuing.

"As I am no longer the dobe you knew, I would appreciate it if you would not treat me as such and take your time to form new opinions about the person I am now and should have been before.

I understand that some of you may have trouble with this, and I understand your dilemma. However I will not take abuse from any of you. We are to be Genin of Konoha, comrades that will fight and work together.

If you cannot respect me as a comrade who will be risking his life alongside of you at the least, then we will have issues. Thanks for listening."

I finished with one last eye smile before sitting down next to Hinata again.

Most people looked thoughtful, or grudgingly accepting at the least. Taking my articulate and reasonable speech as proof that I had indeed changed from how I was before.

Kiba looked like he had eaten a lemon, Sasuke looked like he was interested but attempting to look apathetic, Ino looked torn between deriding me, believing me, and drooling over me, but Sakura looked apoplectic.

"Naaaaaaruuuuuutoooooo-Baka! Shut up and stop trying to look cool, Sasuke-kun will always be cooler than a baka like you!" She reared back her fist to punch me as my 'just' deserts. She never got a chance to hit me.

The 'Naruto' sitting next to Hinata moved with a burst of speed and another dropped from the ceiling to land behind Sakura, put her in a hold that immobilized her arms and the first 'Naruto' appeared in front of her with a very sharp kunai held to her throat.

Everyone froze, especially Sakura, as she felt the cool steel pressed against her pulsing artery. (What THE HELL am I doing to Sakura-chan?)

I spoke calmly, while I gave her a disconcerting eye smile. "Now Haruno-san, you wouldn't have been trying to assault a fellow shinobi, for no good reason, would you?" I asked her with false sweetness.

"That would be grounds for punishment, you know?"

I asked her as if speaking to a particularly slow child.

"I told you I wouldn't let anyone treat me like they did before didn't I? It seems like you had some trouble understanding, so let me make it clear to you.

You, Haruno Sakura, are a weak, shallow, insignificant fangirl. You will never amount to anything as long as you follow Uchiha-san around and cling to him like a pathetic puppy.

Not only that, but you will be a liability to your squad and worse than useless as they will have to help you in every fight against any halfway competent opponent."

I paused there to make sure everyone was paying attention to me before I continued in a serious voice.

"This goes for all of you girls here, if you are dieting, if you aren't training to gain strength, speed, and stamina, if you aren't practicing your techniques whenever you have half a chance, then you should do yourself and everyone around you a favor and quit trying to be a kunoichi right now."

There were sounds of protest at this, but I flared my chakra and burgeoning killing intent (KI).

"If you don't do the afore mentioned things, then you will get your squad mates killed and get yourself killed, or captured and most probably raped. If you do the things I just listed, then you would be lambasted by every real kunoichi as a weak, insulting, fangirl.

They would tell you that dieting is stupid because all the training they do burns off so many calories. If you are worried about looking 'mannish', they would tell you that men, especially shinobi, drool over bodies that have long, lean, toned muscle, and that having muscle is not the same as being bulky and looking like a man.

So all of your supposed points are invalid and if you can't come to grips with that then I hope you die before you can pull anyone else down with you."

I stepped back from Sakura, pulling the knife away from her throat as I did and sent my clone back into hiding. She fell to her knees in a puddle of her own piss with tears in her eyes as her body was wracked with shivers. (I'm so sorry Sakura-chan!)

I looked down at her and gave her a final piece of advice that I made sure the entire class heard.

"You are weak, pathetically so. However you don't have to stay that way. Train, put in effort and sweat and blood and tears and you will get stronger.

Quit dieting. Quit thinking that anyone can or will save you, but yourself. Take your destiny and life into your own hands and do everything in your power to ensure that you and those you care about live.

Or give up now. Quit. And never come back here again. That's what I did, and if a dobe like me can do it then anyone can." (Yosha! Way to recover and encourage her, me!)

Then I turned my back on the girl and went back to my seat by Hinata.

Kiba shied away from me as I passed him.

Sasuke was staring at me as if he had never seen me before.

Ino looked torn between wanting to castigate me, squeal about how cool I was, or seriously think about her actions and how my words applied to her.

Shikamaru was looking at me as if I had become an incredibly complex puzzle.

Shino's bugs were buzzing frantically.

Choji was staring thoughtfully at a chip.

And Hinata was looking at me with wide eyes.

"It's for their own good." I murmured to Hinata causing her to start.

"If they don't shape up then they really will die. If I can ensure that they take this seriously and survive, or decide to quit before anything happens then I will gladly be the bad guy. I just don't want them to die because they were too stupid to realize that this isn't a game."

I give her a sad, little smile from behind my mask.

Iruka took that as his cue to enter and began to call out good morning before he noticed Sakura and her urine puddle.

A swift clean up, change of clothes, and a long, boring speech about being respectable Genin later the teams were announced. They were just as in canon.

Once Iruka had congratulated me again on graduating and gave his approval of my change in wardrobe he left us on Team 7 to wait for our sensei.

Now while I had several hundred clones out and about training, I did not feel like waiting 3 hours for Kakashi to show up. So I stood up and made to jump out the window.

"Dobe," an emo voice called out to me, "where are you going?"

"Well, seeing as I've done my research on every Jonin in the village. I know that Hatake Kakashi is notorious for being at least 3 hours late to everything except essential missions. Therefore I am going to waste some time observing what the other squads are doing in order to prepare for our test. Also, don't call me Dobe, Uchiha-san."

I jumped out the window before they could ask me about the mysterious test I mentioned.

While I did send some clones to observe the other teams, I headed to training ground 9 and resumed my truncated workout from this morning. Intent on reaching 1,000 pounds per leg as soon as possible. After all, I only had 750 pounds to go, wheee.

I made sure to walk into the classroom exactly 3 hours and 1 minute after I had left, showing up right after Kakashi did.

As the still shaken Sakura, the brooding and aggravated Sasuke, and the surprised and slightly disconcerted Kakashi all turned to look at me I simply eye smiled and threw up a hand as I said. "Sorry I was lost on the road of life."

Everyone sweat dropped before Kakashi pulled himself together and said to meet him on the roof before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

I did the same, because the 'me' that had walked into the room was a shadow clone and the original 'me' was already waiting on the roof. Where I was busy with the thing I had asked Hokage-jiji to get me.

When Kakashi appeared on the roof I was already leaning against a wall with an orange book in hand. However this book wasn't a certain book of porn, but one about basic seals that just so happened to be orange.

I looked up briefly and acknowledged his presence with a wave and a simple "Yo."

Kakashi took one look at me before eye smiling. "I think I like you."

"That's nice. I think I like me too." I amiably agreed with him, giving him a brief eye smile in return.

When the other two arrived Kakashi and I were standing together, leaning against the wall and both reading orange books.

The similarities were striking enough that both Sakura and Sasuke paused and did a double take before asking us if we knew each other. Kakashi and I looked up from our books at them, glanced at each other, and then went back to reading before replying.

" "No." "

My other two teammates sweat dropped but let the subject drop. Kakashi had us gather around in front of him and asked us to share things about ourselves. Sakura asked him to go first just as she did in canon, and I got ready to fuck with Kakashi some more.

"About me? Hmmm...

Things I like and things I hate… I don't feel like telling you that.

My dreams for the future… never really thought about it.

As for my hobbies… I have lots of hobbies."

I said at the exact same time as Kakashi without even looking away from my book, casually turning a page as everyone stared at me in shock.

I looked up after a few seconds and eye smiled. "Mah, mah. What's the matter?"

"Mah, mah…you're pretty creepy aren't you?" Kakashi asked at the same time.

"Well considering that you are Hatake Kakashi, elite Jonin, former ANBU Captain, known as the Copy Ninja.

That the things you like are friendship, comrades, teamwork, the 4th Hokage, and Icha Icha, and that things you hate are those who break the rules and those who leave their comrades behind, along with being a Jonin sensei.

Your dreams for the future are to star in the Icha Icha movie and your hobbies are to read Icha Icha."

I looked back at my book before turning another page as everyone lapsed into silence.

Eventually they pulled themselves together, although they were looking at me oddly as I placidly sat there reading my orange book.

Sakura basically just fangirled over Sasuke, I sighed at that, which Kakashi took note of. Then went on to say that the thing she hated was me, to which I simply eye smiled at her.

Sasuke was emo as Hell and a typical sir-broods-a lot as usual when talking about killing his brother. Then it was finally my turn.

I closed my book gently and took a deep breath.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, things that I like are the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, Ramen, Hokage-jiji, cute and strong kunoichi, and people who seek to improve and protect those precious to them.

Things that I hate are fangirls, bigots, people who do not understand the difference between a scroll and something that is sealed inside of it, and those who are lazy.

My dreams for the future are to gain many precious people, become strong enough to protect them, and become a greater Hokage than any that have come before me. (I'm gonna be the HOKAGE-dattebayo!)

My hobbies include training to get stronger, abusing the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, learning Fuinjutsu, and messing with people who aggravate me."

"Well…that was unexpected." Kakashi muttered as he rubbed the back of his head. "Now that we know a bit more about each other, meet me at training ground 7 tomorrow at 5 o'clock."

Sakura asked him what we would be meeting him for and the whole pointless argument about whether or not we needed survival training or whether Kakashi could test us and/or send us back to the academy if we failed happened.

Then he threatened us about eating and told us that we would throw up if we did.

As soon as he left I stood up and told my new teammates.

"Make sure you two eat, it's better to have energy than not to."

Then I left to train a bit more before I grabbed dinner, meditated on what my clones had done that day and went to sleep with my alarm set for 7 o'clock. I decided to sleep in and skip training tomorrow so that I was at my best for the bell test.

I brought 2 breakfast bentos with me when I showed up, 2 hours and thirty minutes after Kakashi said to and he still wasn't there. However my grumpy, hungry, and sleep deprived teammates were, and they were not happy that I was late.

At least until I pulled out the food I had brought for them. As they began to eat with quiet and grudging words of thanks, I began to read my book on beginning Fuinjutsu by Jiraya.

I already had clones working on my calligraphy, hand seal speed and accuracy, chakra control, and my Taijutsu katas, but I was planning on using them for so much more.

However I still had time to get myself up to at least the strength of a Chunin before the wave mission came around so that I could compete with Haku.

At 8 o'clock Kakashi came walking up, explained the rules of the test and had us begin. The other two scampered off into the woods to hide, while I remained seated in the shade of a tree and read my book.

Kakashi couldn't seem to figure me out. "You know the other two seem to have the right idea, but you seem kind of inept." He ventured his opinion.

"You seem to have gotten that sentence backward." I rejoined.

"They both ran off without even thinking about the situation, and therefore split our squad and diminished our overall fighting potential. We're just newbie Genin, and you're an elite Jonin. The only possible way for us to even get a bell is for all of us to work together. Not only that, but I've never heard of a two or one person Genin squad.

So with the inference that such a thing does not exist if Konoha's libraries have no mentions of it, and knowing not only of your fixation on teamwork, but also that teamwork is the only possible way to get a bell, this must be a test within a test. It's to see if we can figure out that we need to work as a team and then do so to get the bells from you. However it's pointless for me to do anything at all in that case." (C'mon! I can take him, I'm so much stronger than I was when I took Mizuki and he was a Chunin!)

"Oh? If you've figured out the test already then why would trying to pass it be pointless?"

Kakashi was astounded that Naruto had figured all of that out. From all reports about him, Naruto was an idiot and an almost useless shinobi. This kid didn't seem to fit either category.

I huffed tiredly at him.

"That would be because Haruno-san hates me, as she said before. And will undoubtedly try to find Uchiha-san in order to help him get a bell to try and endear herself to him like the rabid fangirl she is.

Mc-Broods-a lot on the other hand wouldn't deign to work with a dead last, as I would, supposedly, only slow him down. Besides that, at max two people can get a bell, and why would he want to risk me getting the bell then letting him fail."

I shrugged apathetically.

"In other words there is no point in even trying to fight you. I'll just wait for the time to run out and return to the academy for a year. Next year I'll be assigned another squad and another sensei, hopefully one I can work with, and one who actually wants to teach me.

By that point I should be at least at around high Chunin or low Jonin in terms of strength, now that I've got shadow clones to help me with my chakra control and Ninjutsu training and Gai-sensei to help me with my Taijutsu. So don't worry about it too much Kakashi-san."

I smiled at him as I finished.

He-he's already accepted that they're going to fail, Kakashi thought in shock.

Naruto, his sensei's son, the irrepressible bundle of energy and optimism that he watched over as the kid grew up in the worst conditions imaginable, had given up on becoming a shinobi for another year.

It didn't matter that he gave up because of a well-reasoned and very accurate assessment of his supposed teammates; just the fact that the can-do-king had given up at all shocked and saddened Kakashi to his core.

Not even Naruto's assertions about his clones or the level of strength that he would achieve in another year made as big of an impact as the words 'it's pointless to even try' leaving the blond's lips.

Eventually Kakashi got over his shock and went to hunt down the other two, leaving the blond to his reading. Things went as they did in the original story, with the exception that I didn't move an inch from my spot under the tree.

Soon enough Kakashi returned and told us that we had failed. I looked up at this and smiled as I held up a pair of bells just as the alarm rang. Kakashi grabbed the bells at his waist, which suddenly transformed back into a pair of shadow clones.

With wide eyes he asked me. "When did you switch the bells?"

"When you were busy with Uchiha-san and his fire safety class. I had a clone swipe them and these two substitute in for them." I then threw them both to Sasuke and Sakura who eagerly caught them.

"There, teamwork." I deadpanned.

Kakashi held back a grin while doing the whole thunder and lightning spiel before letting us know that we passed and would be accepting our first mission as Team 7 tomorrow and that we should show up at the bridge by this training ground at 6 in the morning.

I stood up and dusted myself off before heading over to training ground 9, planning to show up at the bridge at 9 o'clock. I couldn't wait to see my teammates faces when they realized we were going to be doing glorified chores as missions.

Ahhh, I'll need to bring a camera.

* * *

And there it is.

I made this quite a bit longer than the two from my other story as I have a detailed canon plot to follow here.

At least until later on...then Canon will be Curb Stomped by Shadow Clones.

Already Naruto is more powerful than he was, after only two weeks, and he's only getting stronger.

To cut off any complaints, stats aren't exactly the be-all-end-all of who wins in a fight.

And Naruto's stats jumped so much mostly because of the impressive increase in Int.

However they are a decent indicator of you overall capability and power as a Shinobi.

Most stats will be taken from The OFFICIAL wiki/Infobox given out by Kishimoto himself.

Characters who are severely impacted by the SI will most likely become stronger than their original stats unless the SI's actions incentivize, for whatever reason, them to put in less effort than their canon counterparts.

* * *

Love it?

Hate it?

Have an idea how I could improve the story or the reading experience?

Let me know and I'll do my best to fix what I can and improve the rest.

And if you don't like it...

Well there are other fics out there that you will probably enjoy, so best of luck finding one that suits you.

Praise the Log!

Ja Ne

* * *

 **Ranking System**

 **1-9 = Civilian**

 **10-13 = Civilian that can access Chakra**

 **14-22 = Genin**

 **23-27 = Chunin**

 **25-27 = Tokubetsu Jonin**

 **28-31 = Jonin**

 **31.5-33.5 = Elite Jonin**

 **[32-35.5 = S Rank Nin]**

 **34-35.5 = Kage Class**

 **36-40 = Sage of 6 Paths Class**

* * *

 **TEAM 7 Statistics**

 **Uzumaki Naruto**

 **Nin - 2**

 **Tai - 2.5**

 **Gen - 1.5**

 **Int - 4**

 **Str - 2.5**

 **Spd - 2.5**

 **Stm - 4**

 **HS - 2.5**

 **Total - 21.5**

 **Uchiha Sasuke**

 **Nin - 2.5**

 **Tai - 2.5**

 **Gen - 1.5**

 **Int - 2**

 **Str - 2**

 **Spd - 3**

 **Stm - 2**

 **HS - 3**

 **Total - 18.5**

 **Haruno Sakura**

 **Nin - 1.5**

 **Tai - 1**

 **Gen - 3**

 **Int - 3.5**

 **Str - 0.5**

 **Spd - 1**

 **Stm - 1**

 **HS - 4**

 **Total - 15.5**

 **Hatake Kakashi**

 **Nin - 5**

 **Tai - 4**

 **Gen - 4**

 **Int - 4.5**

 **Str - 3.5**

 **Spd - 4**

 **Stm - 3**

 **HS - 5**

 **Total - 33**


	2. Chapter 2

I'm back, why is this one so much easier to write then my Fate Fanfic?

Oh well, at least one of them is easy.

Big Thanks to everyone who Reviewed, Followed, and Favorited.

Still don't have a Beta, so I did a relatively quick read through so there shouldn't be any (many*) glaring mistakes.

Let me know if you spot any in a Private Message.

Other than that the action should really start next chapter and the curb stomps will follow shortly after.

Enjoy the Chapter!

* * *

Chapter 2: Too Many Flashbacks and 600 Boners? Let your Flames of YOUTH Explode out of you!

So it was official.

D-rank missions sucked big, fat, floppy, donkey dick.

…Not that I know what that's like…honest.

Moving on then.

It's been over a month and a half and all I can say is that they're useless for ninja.

There wasn't any point to them besides benefiting Konoha's infrastructure, no matter what Kakashi said about teamwork.

And while I get that they help keep the village running efficiently, well, as efficiently as it ever runs, honestly, academy students should have done these tasks instead of actual ninja.

Although I had to agree with him that my team and I really did need to work on our teamwork, even if it would never help in the end.

The Cyclops stuck to the original timeline as far as training went, we'd grab a mission or two then do 'teamwork' drills for an hour before he left and all of us separated.

That is not to say that I was not advancing by leaps and bounds thanks to my knowledge of the anime and manga, ideas stolen from fanfiction stories, training from Hell with Lee and Gai-sensei, and the liberal application of Hax no Jutsu.

I had managed to convince Gai to get me a sheet of chakra paper by telling him that my Jonin sensei, a certain cyclopean ninja, was a lazy, hip, good-for-nothing.

I proceeded to rant about how unyouthful it was that he refused to teach us anything except for 'teamwork' drills and light sparring, and that I needed him to help me find direction for me to 'fan my flames of youth'.

I nearly had an aneurism when I said that with a straight face, but it got the job done. Thank you inherent Naruto enthusiasm for growing stronger! (Yeah, I'm awesome!)

Like I thought I still had the original Wind Nature, but I also had a second chakra nature, Lightning. (Teme can suck it!)

I was ecstatic! Some of the most OP, badass Jutsu in the world were lightning natured.

And if the two natural chakra natures I had were pretty much only made for attacking?

Well I could deal with that.

Being an Uzumaki AND the Kyuubi Jinchuriki allowed me to tank a lot of damage anyway, and originally I would never have learned any defensive Jutsu and would still win in the end. (Cause I'm awesome and going to be the Hokage!)

I'd just have to get a Water affinity next, I could think of plenty of ways to use the Kirigakure no Jutsu.

Muahahahaha, suck it dojutsu users!

Ahem…back on topic.

So once I learned of my additional nature I set my clones to mastering both of them.

After all, if retard me (…) could master Wind Nature Manipulation in a week with his clones then I should be able to at least get both of mine to usable levels fairly quickly.

Other than starting my path to true badassery, I advanced my weights to over 2,000 pounds.

Each.

It seems like a lot at first, but when you realize that Lee, essentially a civilian, can add up to 100 pounds in a week then it makes sense that someone like me can do even more absurd things.

My new goal is to get up to 8~10,000 pounds each for the Chunin Exams, I think I can do it with the way I'm advancing.

Yosh, I will fan my flames of YO…wait.

Oh Fuck No!

They infected me!

I'm one of them now, next thing you know my eyebrows will turn into caterpillars, and I'll decide bowl cuts and green spandex are cool!

Ok, I overreacted. I still think everything but their Taijutsu skills are incredibly lame.

However the two Green Beasts have had a definite effect on my psyche.

I now enjoy working myself into the dirt while training with them.

Especially since my Taijutsu has rapidly caught up to Lee's, with the use of Shadow Clones as extra sparring partners and to practice each kata and technique I learn to perfection, even then, he's still faster than me.

Not to mention that Gai-sensei decided that in order to protect my special people I needed a secret technique.

Cookie to whoever can guess what that is…hehehehe.

Oh yeah, learning the Rasengan?

Piece of cake with Shadow Clones, I learned it the way retard Naruto (…) used it, I.E. clones to shape it, in under a week.

Then I learned to do it one handed with just a few days more of effort, and decided to make Oodama Rasengan early for shits and gigs.

When I was done with that, I figured I might as well be able to make one in each hand at the same time.

It took me 2 weeks all told with several dozen dedicated helpers.

While I was busy with that I had some more clones crack open those low rank Jutsu scrolls that I squirreled away.

Shunshin gave me a new appreciation for how good Shisui must have been to use it in battle.

The first time I tried to chain multiple Shunshins in quick succession I ended up crashing into a tree and trying not to hurl as I waited for my broken face to heal.

I relegated it to movement usage only, not for combat, for now.

After all I had more important things to learn and do, like some awesome wind and lightning Jutsu, Fuinjutsu, and working out how to use the Raikage's Lightning Release Armor. (Let the awesome Jutsu training commence!)

For the first few I decided on low rank Jutsu to add some versatility to my arsenal. (Boring!)

So although I might have said that I only went through information that a Genin could access and copied some low rank Jutsu…I may have gotten carried away and snuck into the Jonin section as well.

What can I say? If I'm Naruto now that means I have to be a prankster and a master of stealth with little regard for rules.

I recreated Sora's Beast Tearing Palm, Beast Tearing Gale Palm and Asuma's Hien first as those were almost pure nature and shape transformation in addition to simple chakra quantity.

All of which are things that I'm absurdly good at doing. Not to mention they're easy to practice with Shadow Clones.

Then I went about learning Wind Style: Divine Wind, Great Breakthrough, Wind Wall, and Gale Palm.

They were primarily C-rank techniques, but the Beast Tearing Gale Palm was classed as a B-rank, and so was the Hien, which was just a technique Asuma made by putting wind nature and shape manipulation to practical use on a blade.

As for lightning Jutsu, I only learned a select few, one high and two low, as I was mostly working on the Raikage's Lightning Release Armor, since it's just so damn awesome.

They consisted of Lightning Style: Electromagnetic Murder, False Darkness, in honor of Kakuzu, and Thunderbolt (Raiton: Sanda **boruto** ) because the name of it tickled me a little.

As for my Fuinjutsu…well I wasn't dead yet…so that was good?

While it may be true that those of the Uzumaki clan have a natural talent and predisposition towards Fuinjutsu, it is also true that both retard Naruto and I have a somewhat lax and sometimes careless nature. (Hey! Yeah I am kinda carefree at times…)

Which leads us to the occasional mistake.

Which leads us to explosions. (Which are awesome!)

Which is why I now had my clones working on Fuinjutsu away from anything flammable or that would be missed. As in I have them experimenting in the Forest of Death where Anko is the only person, I can think of, that could be around.

Other than that minor hiccup, I was on to the first of the intermediate level Fuinjutsu books, also written by our favorite Super Pervert.

So from what Jiraiya's books and Hokage-jiji say there are 10 levels of sealing, although it is speculated that the 'Original' Uzumaki clan, 'which I am named in honor of', had up to 12 levels.

The sealing levels work in stages. As in levels 1-3 is the beginner stage, 4-6 is the journeyman stage, 7-9 is the adept stage, and a level 10 is an acknowledged seal master.

Only Jiraiya of the Sannin is known to be a level 10 sealing master, all others are at most level 9 experts.

At the moment I am much farther along than I've let Hiruzen know about. I've led him to believe I am still at the level of a rank novice, but I would conservatively place myself at around level 3.

Which puts me at around the end of the novice stage and beginning of the journeyman stage, while the Sandaime thinks I'm making my way through level 2 and simply reading ahead as I go.

As for everything else, there have been a few noteworthy occurrences.

Most notable to me is my continued growth. It's slowed down a lot, I think that means that I've corrected most of the damage malnutrition had done to me.

I'm now 5'4", having grown another inch to put even the tallest of my classmates under me. Granted 4 inches in 2 weeks was a bit ridiculous, 2 in almost 2 months is much more reasonable.

And my appetite has been settling down into something resembling what a human my age and size should be able to eat as opposed to what 10 of them should eat.

Then there are things like meeting Team Gai, convincing Sakura that Sasuke will like her better if she trains a bit and becomes more useful, Hinata training much harder than in canon, Ino approaching me about my drastic change, and FINALLY there was meeting Anko.

Man those interactions were all pretty strange thinking back, especially since I'm really starting to fuck with canon as much as Kishimoto fucked with retard me. And then there is Anko…I…I just don't know what to say.

I sighed as I blew through my warm ups, after all I was just doing some stretching, 15 laps around Konoha, 1000 pushups, sit-ups, squats, and 500 pull-ups and handstand pushups.

The girls nearby were doing a much lighter warm-up that involved quite a bit more stretching and fewer weights, as the goals for our physiques are pretty much opposites, just like the girls performing the exercises are pretty much opposites.

One had dark, bluish-black hair in a hime cut, white eyes without a pupil, pale skin, and is currently struggling to push herself to keep up with me.

Yep, she is one Hyuga Hinata. She's still shy, but being around people who constantly encourage her and affirm that she is not weak has been nothing but good for her and her confidence.

We're still working on her stutter, but she has almost gotten rid of it. Now she can not only talk to me while looking at me, most of the time, but also aim a juuken strike at me. It's a vast improvement over the timid girl who couldn't even look me in the eye.

The next girl had platinum blonde hair in a ponytail, light blue eyes, and slightly tanned skin. Not to the extent of my own sun-kissed tan, but getting darker the more she came to train, and I have to say the tan and her new slender, flexible, but powerful muscles combined to make her even more attractive than she already was before.

Now if only she would quit complaining and acting like a fangirl, then she might be all right.

Got it in one, this girl was Yamanaka Ino.

It hadn't been all that long since she joined us for our morning workouts, but she's definitely seeing the results already. Her physique has filled out a bit and become not only healthier and more muscular, but also more feminine.

I guess depriving her body of the nutrients and sustenance that it wanted hampered her 'development'. She already had something of a womanly figure just over a month after she started really training and giving her body the fuel it needed to grow.

Although it hadn't helped her personality all that much, she still loved to gossip, insult Sakura, and gush about Sasuke. However I did notice that she never said anything really bad about me, especially after her first day joining me for training.

Well…unless she was cursing me for convincing her to undergo this torture. Little did she know that this wasn't the truly torturous part of my training…that came later.

The final girl had her brown hair tied up in buns, greyish, brown eyes, and fair skin. This was Tenten. I think her full name is Higarashi Tenten, but she never uses it so I'm unsure.

She has a penchant for throwing weapons at me, trying to prove that she is better than me, and calling me crazy.

* * *

Flashback no Jutsu!

* * *

2 days after Team Assignments

I showed up at the usual 4 in the morning and Gai-sensei set Lee and me to work. Everything proceeded as usual until sometime around 7 when Team Gai's other members showed up.

I had been expecting this to happen for a while now, but had been hoping against hope for it not to happen.

"Morning Gai-sensei." Chirped a female voice, which could only belong to Tenten.

"YOSH!" Gai paused his light routine of one-armed handstand pushup with a giant boulder balanced on his feet and his thumb, the only finger he was using, pressed against the tip of a kunai.

The freak wasn't even sweating yet. "My young, YOUTHFUL students. It is good that you have come to once again FAN THE FLAMES OF YOUR YOUTH!"

"YOUTHHHHHHHHHHH!" Came Lee's call from where he was doing pull-ups with a boulder tied to each leg.

"We also have a new addition to our most YOUTHFUL training! I'd like you both to meet Naruto! He is a pupil of my ETERNAL RIVAL! However, it seems that my rival has been slacking on his training and so he showed a most YOUTHFUL desire to FAN HIS FLAMES OF YOUTH and sought me out to assist in his training just over two weeks ago."

Guy flipped off the kunai and struck a 'nice guy' pose as the giant-ass, boulder crashed to the ground behind him and his teeth sparkled.

"Kill me." I begged Neji and Tenten from where I am doing squats then kicking the training board like a machine, no emotion in my voice, nor life in my eyes.

Did I forget to mention that I am holding yet another giant boulder over my head the entire time?

How about that I have shackles attached to my ankles that connect to smaller boulders, making kicking even more difficult than it would normally be since not only do they add to the weight on my legs, but also they make keeping my form more difficult.

"Ummm…that's great Gai-sensei?" Tenten more asked then said as she glanced at Neji for his opinion, clearly aghast that I seemed to be doing much the same work out as Gai has Lee did.

He simply snorted in derision and moved off to warm-up by himself.

"So have you talked to Naruto's sensei about actually training him and not slacking?" Tenten asked, not knowing what she is unleashing upon Kakashi.

"YOSH!" Gai clenched his fist and flames burned in his eyes. "That is exactly what I will do! I shall remind my ETERNAL RIVAL of our burning passion and FAN HIS FLAMES OF YOUTH INTO A SWELTERING FURNACE OF YOOOOOOUTH!"

"YOOOOOOOUTH!" Comes the echo from Lee.

"Kill me." I said again and Tenten looked at me with pity as she moved off to train.

Somewhere in Konoha a scarecrow felt a shiver of dread run down his spine as he stared at a monument for the dead and checked to make sure he had another few hours before he had to arrive, late, to meet his team.

Little did he know that his fate had been sealed by a 14 year old girl's casually spoken words.

Tenten's pity and Neji's scorn lasted until we sparred for the first time. Well Tenten's pity ended, but Neji would probably still scorn me until I kicked his ass in the chunin exams.

If that will even happen anymore, shit, those are bad thoughts.

I fought Tenten first, and it wasn't even close. I might not be as fast as Lee yet, but even so I was faster than Sasuke and Neji. The poor girl never knew what hit her, until I let her stand up and hit her with it again.

Then she figured out I was hitting her with my fist…it would have been better if I'd used a giant fish, more impact that way.

However by that time she was too out of it to do anything but be knocked unconscious.

When she woke up she demanded a rematch and I pissed her off by avoiding all of her weapons with speed and my hand-seal-less Substitution Jutsu before I punched her into the dream world again.

After that Gai wanted Neji and me to spar, but Neji declined saying that his time was better spent elsewhere and that being forced to fight one failure was more than enough for him.

After that day Neji and I would ignore each other, except for his whiny and sanctimonious ramblings about Fate, and Tenten would challenge me, lose, curse me, challenge me again, and lose again. Rinse and repeat.

The sheer rage and disbelief on her face almost made how annoying it was to be constantly challenged to spar and have pointy, sharp things flung at me all the time worth it.

Gai just saw it as me taking my training to the next level, and complimented me on my FLAMES OF YOUTH.

When it was time for me to leave and meet my team I thanked Gai and Lee for their help with a friendly wave, nodded shallowly at Neji, and gave Tenten a shit-eating grin of massive proportions and wished her a swift recovery from her concussion.

Team time was the same as usual. Some boring and tedious D rank mission, an hour of 'teamwork' exercises, but after that Kakashi changed it up a bit.

First he had us all run laps and do pushups, sit-ups, and pull-ups for a bit, leaving Sasuke sweating and Sakura a heap on the ground, while I was raring to go.

Then we had some light sparring.

The asshole put me up against Sakura first, as if she would have even been a challenge for retard Naruto with how out of breath she was.

I waited until she had caught her breath enough to stand up straight. "You ready to go yet Haruno-san?" I asked her politely.

"SHUT IT NARUTO-BAKA! I'm going to kick your ass!" Sakura screamed back at me.

"Jeez, I was just trying to be considerate to a teammate. You're so out of shape and weak I figured I'd give you time to catch a breather so I didn't embarrass you too bad. No need to shriek at me like a banshee. And you wonder why Sasuke doesn't like you?"

I paused for a moment as Kakashi's eye widened, Sasuke turned to actually look at me with surprise, and Sakura seemed to have turned to stone as her brain shut down.

"Oh, did I say that out loud?" I ask my two fellow males.

"Hn." Sasuke gave what I think was an affirmative grunt.

"Yep, I'd get ready to run Naruto." Kakashi chimed in as he returned to reading his book.

"Why?" I asked with a shrug, getting the two to look at me again in disbelief. "I mean it's not like she could catch me anyway, I out ran Sasuke and he was better than her by miles."

I had even held myself back so that I only beat him by a bit. It was just enough to make him train harder and maybe start to respect me a bit. But they didn't need to know that.

"Even if she did, she's basically a civilian at this point. Her punches wouldn't even hurt unless she hit me in the balls and that can't happen unless I let it because I'm just that much better than her. She actually either goes home or stalks Sasuke when Bakakshi-sensei lets us go for the day." I put my hands out to my sides as I shrugged my shoulders as if to say, there you have it.

I quickly sidesteped and extended a foot, casually tripping Sakura who was red-faced with fury. She had swung for the back of my head with all her might and so ended up with a hard fall and a face full of dirt.

However she didn't seem to get the lesson, as she got up and proceeded to try and hit me while shrieking about me being an idiot and the dead last and about trying to make her look bad in front of Sasuke.

I simply carelessly avoided her blows and occasionally tripped her as I nonchalantly pulled out my Intermediate Sealing book and began to read while making it look like I was dodging and tripping her on accident.

Kakashi was aghast, not knowing whether to be appalled at his new apparent nickname, how bad Sakura truly was, or to wonder when Naruto got good enough to do something like this.

Wait, he said that Sakura didn't train after he let them go for the day. Did that mean Naruto actaully trained by himself? How did he not know about this?

Sasuke looked back and forth between Kakashi and the dobe a few times, trying to figure out if he'd been teaching Naruto privately or not.

He decided not, as Kakashi looked just as surprised as he felt. Maybe Naruto wouldn't be as much of a hindrance as he thought, but he would have to step his training up so that he could show the dobe his place.

He was an Uchiha after all.

Once Sakura was once again a panting heap on the ground I looked up from my book and eye smiled at everyone.

"Oh, are you done already?" I asked as I pocketed my book.

"I guess I shouldn't have expected more from a civilian girl who hasn't really committed to being a ninja yet. The reason Sasuke doesn't want to do anything with you is that you are 1. A fangirl, 2. Annoying as fuck, especially when you scream, 3. Not a real kunoichi, 4. Weak."

I dropped my eye smile and looked down at the girl who was almost in tears and hardened my heart. "Maybe if you went about changing some of that he would have time for you. As it is even I don't have to try at all to beat you, you're that weak. If you want your precious Sasuke-kun to acknowledge you then stop dieting and train like your life depends on it."

I release my burgeoning KI at this point, Kakashi's head whipped up, Sasuke froze, and Sakura started shaking like in the classroom. Thinking about it, you'd have thought she would have reconsidered how she treated me after I made her piss herself in front of all our peers.

Well, I guess some people are just slow learners. Man, I love irony.

"Because it does, and not just your life, but all of ours do. Kakashi-sensei is our safety net, but even he can't always be there. And when the time comes when you become a liability, because it will happen. There is no if here. Then you will die. Or one of us will save your life," I leaned in and ratcheted up my KI to its peak, "but at what cost? Oh don't worry, I for one will do my best to keep you alive, but I don't want to die for you Haruno."

Sasuke was staring at me, like he is seeing me for the first time and I am someone completely unexpected. Kakashi had the same look on his face as Sasuke. Sakura was simply crying as she shook in fear.

"I have a dream, I have goals beyond impressing a boy I have a crush on and hopefully popping out his babies one day. I want to be Hokage, and even if I don't want you to die, I don't think you're worth my life." Then I released my KI and turned to Kakashi.

"We done for the day Bakakashi-sensei?" I asked cheerfully, catching everyone off guard.

"Mah mah, don't you think that's a bit disrespectful towards your sensei Naruto? And yes, I think that's enough for today." The cyclopean Jonin said with a lazy wave.

"Nope!" I instantly replied, getting a sweat drop from Kakashi. "You have to teach us something to be considered a sensei. Teamwork doesn't count. If you teach me a cool lightning Jutsu, I'll consider it."

"Now Naruto, team work is the foundation of any good team." He eye smiled. "Besides I think you should wait a bit longer before you learn something dangerous like that."

"Whatever." I said disinterestedly. "Later Uchiha-san, Bakakashi-sensei, Haruno-san." No need to be rude, even if I just tore down the girl's self esteem lower than Danzo's underground base.

It wasn't all that much compared to Sasuke or me, but Sakura began to train after that day.

* * *

End Flashback no Jutsu

* * *

Our warm-up finished, we began to pair off to spar. Gai and Lee against each other as I was the only other one Lee could spar against besides Neji, and he didn't show up until at least 7 o'clock.

Tenten had only started joining the early morning work outs when I started beating her even worse as time went by, no matter what traps she laid out or what plans she made.

And she held it against ME that she was here and had to deal with more of Gai and Lee's weirdness.

She and Hinata paired off against each other, because Gai had decided that rather than strength they should both focus primarily on improving their speed and flexibility, with only a secondary focus on strength.

Having Hinata dodge Tenten's barrage of weaponry, and having Tenten run for her life from juuken strikes was definitely an effective way of training for the two of them.

Hinata had come a long way since she first stepped foot on this training ground.

* * *

Flashback no Jutsu! Round 2

* * *

4 Days since Team Assignment

Arriving at training ground 9 once again at 4 in the morning, why do I even bother to sleep, I saw someone waiting there already besides Gai and Lee.

She was hunched over as if expecting the world the beat her down for the crime of simply existing. All I could see of her clothes were standard shinobi pants and sandals, and an overlarge white jacket.

However her hime-style haircut and pupil-less eyes let me know exactly who it was. Speaking of, I should work on getting my sensing skills up to par.

"Hinata-chan!" I called out and waved at her excitedly. She immediately perked up and blushed crimson before tentatively waving back at me.

"I'm glad you decided to come!" I continued speaking in an upbeat manner to help put her at ease. "Lets go start warming up, then we can have Gai-sensei put together a training plan that will compliment your skill set and physique. We can talk as we go and get to know each other a bit better if that's alright with you?"

My rapid-fire speech seemed to take a minute to sink in before she nodded and started poking her fingers together while blushing, which was unbelievably adorable. "H-hai N-Naruto-kun, t-that s-sounds good to m-me. I-I'd l-l-like that a l-lot."

"Great!" I cheered as I intentionally grabbed her hand in mine and pulled her along behind me as steam began to shoot out of her ears. Ah the joys of living in an anime.

Or am I in a manga?

Some combination of the two?

Do I have to worry about OVAs and Movie plot lines?

NO!

Please don't make me live through the FILLER EPISODES!

I can't do that twice…sob*

Okay, I'm back. I won't worry about it for now.

It didn't take long for Gai and Lee to take to Hinata, and once we all got her confidence up enough to actually try in sparring matches, she was pretty good.

She just needed to work on her base parameters some more as she would learn her Taijutsu techniques from her family, however gaining experience against other styles and improving her body's fitness could only help her as a kunoichi.

By the end of the first hour she was gassed, but trying hard to push through.

I had to sit her down and make sure she drank some water and took a breather.

At the end of our early morning session, when Neji showed up, she gave him a polite greeting, thanked Gai, Lee, and me for letting her train with us, and promised she would return when her schedule allowed.

I cheerfully waved her off and called out for her not to be bashful about saying hi if she saw me around.

* * *

End Flashback no Jutsu!

* * *

That left me with Ino for a partner. Seeing as it was purely Taijutsu, that didn't give me much of a challenge.

Therefore I handicapped myself, only letting myself attack once she had attacked me 50 times. Even then I only did something like pushing her over or tripping her.

I used the time in between in order to work on minimizing wasted movement, improving my ability to predict my opponent, my reflexes, and my speed.

I did all of this while smiling at her and playfully pointing out all the faults in her form.

Needless to say this infuriated her and made her exert herself ever harder to try and hit me and wipe the smirk off my face.

She really lost it when I pulled out my book.

I think being Naruto now has rubbed off on me, I don't think I've ever had so much fun messing with someone before. (I'm so proud of myself!)

None of that meant she hadn't improved, because she had. Ino had made tremendous strides in improving herself, but that didn't mean I had to tell her that.

After all, if I told her she was getting better then she would no doubt tease me, and I prefer to be the only one doing the teasing until we're at least 15-16.

That way I can look at them as something other than children, even if I'm a child myself in body, and somewhat in mentality. (I'm not a child, I'm a super-cool ninja!)

After all, even though I've lived a cumulative 30+ years, retard Naruto's memories seem to be more prominent than the memories from my last life. Thank god the brain and personality from my former life seem to be just as prominent as Naruto's memories.

Makes it a little less awkward when I wake up with a 'stiffy' after dreaming about endurance 'training' with Ino a few years down the road.

Never mind, oops, she almost hit me that time, time to mock her and maybe Sasuke to keep her motivated. (Stupid teme)

* * *

Flashback no Jutsu! Round 3

* * *

Two weeks after Team Assignment

Walking over to training ground 10, I thought about how I would convince Asuma to 'teach' me the basics of Wind Nature Manipulation.

Coming up blank, I figured I'd just wing it and I could always blame it on creative genius or say I read it in a book or something.

So with a shrug I carried on and came across the expected and somewhat cliché scene.

Asuma and Shikamaru were sitting across from each other with a shogi board in between them, Choji was sitting nearby in the shade with a bag of chips, and Ino was complaining.

Complaining very loudly and shrilly, although it was practically melodious when compared to Sakura. So she had that going for her.

They all looked up as I ambled towards them.

"Naruto what are you doing here? Our team is using this training field so you should look for a different one." Ino said in a slightly surprised and condescending tone.

"Mah mah" I lazily flapped a hand at her, to Asuma's amusement, "I'm here to talk to Asuma-san about something, then I'll be out of your hair. Hey Shika, Choji, how's it going?" I ignored how she flushed and a tick mark appeared on her forehead.

"Not bad Naruto, Asuma-sensei has the right idea about training." Choji replied with a wave and a smile in between chips.

"Troublesome blonds," Shikamaru muttered, then he spoke up, "it was going well before you showed up, but I'm sure things are about to become troublesome again now that you're here."

Clearing his throat while looking up from the game board, Asuma asked "So Naruto, what did you want to ask me about?"

"Well, I've been told you're the only person currently in the Leaf that has a Wind chakra nature, and I wanted to ask you if you'd give me any advice on it." I rubbed the back of my head and offered up a slightly foxy smile.

Asuma almost dropped the cigarette that was hanging between his lips. "WHAT!? You're already learning Nature Transformations? That's a Jonin level technique! What is Kakashi thinking?"

"Um…In order then. Yes. I know. I'm not sure any one knows or wants to. But that's not here or there, I'm learning more from Gai-sensei than Bakakashi. He hasn't even taught us anything yet, all we do is take a D rank or two then do an hour of teamwork exercises and then he bails!"

I gesticulated wildly to emphasize my point. "He hasn't even mentioned tree climbing yet, and I'm already so far passed water walking on my own that it's not even funny. If I waited for him to teach me anything I'd stunt my growth as a shinobi as badly as the academy teachers did." I finished with a huff.

"Really? You haven't even learned that much yet?" Ino asked in shock, possibly horrified by her 'Sasuke-kun's" lackluster sensei.

"Well I have, but I did that on my own. My sensei is either too lazy, or doesn't care enough to teach us anything." I said lightly, but with a hint disappointment in my voice.

They all blinked at me.

"Naruto, you said you're passed water walking…" Asuma began. Knowing where he's going with this I cut him off.

"Yep, mastered that a while back. Then I mastered it while doing the leaf sticking exercise at the same time. Then I mastered it while doing the leaf sticking and the leaf spinning exercises at the same time. Then I mastered it while fighting with Taijutsu for over an hour on top of the water's surface. Then I did that but threw in other Jutsu that I know, so yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm well past simple water walking." I blithely ignored the stupefied look on Asuma and Shikamaru's faces, and the confusion on Choji and Ino's.

"Ok Naruto, um, can you show me? I just want to make sure you've actually got it all down before I help you with something as advanced as Nature Manipulation." Asuma, being a reasonable adult asked me for proof.

I shrugged uncaringly, nodded my head, and followed along with the other Genin as he lead us to a stream not far from their training ground.

Without waiting for him to say anything I simply walked out onto the water as if it was solid and blurred through some hand seals. Well blurred is relative, it was a blur for anyone around or below Chunin rank, but it was only fairly impressive for someone like Asuma.

" ** _Wind Style: Great Breakthrough_** " I said quietly before releasing my overpowered Jutsu. I had tried to hold back on the amount of chakra I used, so only a few trees were ripped out of the ground and flung off into the forest.

Then I made my favorite cross-shaped hand seal. " ** _Shadow Clone Jutsu!_** "

Suddenly it wasn't just me standing on the water, but 50 Naruto's. All of us turned as one and looked at the deeply shocked Asuma before giving an eye smile and waiting for him to pick his jaw off the ground.

His Genin didn't fair much better.

Ino was taking turns between staring at me like I was something crazy and looking at the damage my Jutsu had done to the forest with shock and awe.

Choji was frozen with his hand in his bag of chips, his eyes so wide that they were bugging out of his head.

Shikamaru took one look at the damage my Jutsu did, and walked up to and poked one of my clones before he sighed and looked up at the sky like God was punishing him. "You are so damn troublesome. I assume you could have all of your clones do that same Jutsu too? That's the point you're trying to get across by making all of them right?"

"Heh heh." I chuckled wryly.

"Leave it to you to figure that out Shika, but I was also showing Asuma-san that I know a B rank Kinjutsu that is known for causing death by chakra exhaustion and I can make at least 50 clones with it and I need to mention that that was me holding back on the Jutsu."

Picking his jaw up off the ground Asuma rubbed a hand over his face. "Fine, I'll teach you about Wind Manipulation. If! If you tell me how on earth were you the dead last of your class? This is ridiculous! Your chakra levels are well over that of a standard Jonin, and while your chakra control might need a bit more work that's only because you have so damn much of it so early."

"Hmmm." I dragged out the situation as if I had to think about it.

"I suppose it would be because most people in the village hate me and want to see me fail. It was only after I became an official Genin and thereby escaped the civilian council's authority that I actually got access to any information or resources that would let me start improving. I think it's either a major fluke or damn impressive that I managed to get to the level I was at without anything in the way of teaching or help."

Asuma paled slightly before nodding his head in understanding. "Alright, well grab a leaf and we'll get you started."

I blew him away again when I cut the crap out of the leaf in an instant. Lets go cheating with prior knowledge and Hax no Jutsu!

He had me do it another 3 times before he just shook his head, lit a cigarette and told me to keep practicing on a training post, like I hadn't already moved on to trying to cut trees and boulders apart, and to let him know when I've done that.

Then he showed me the Hien, which completed my objectives for the day.

I said my goodbyes and waved as I walked off while celebrating in my head.

Plausible explanations for my skills now abound! Muahahaha, I can't wait for the Chunin Exams!

Oh shit.

Hokage-jiji gets kills killed by Orochi-teme at the end of them. I guess I've got to do something about that too then.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice Ino until she grabbed my shoulder and I reacted by flipping her and twisting her arm around her back while I pushed her face into the dirt.

I immediately let go of her and began to apologize. "Oh kami, Ino, I'm sorry I was lost in thought and just reacted when I felt someone grab me!"

She slowly pulled herself to her feet while rubbing her shoulder, a grimace on her face. "No, it's alright. I should have known better. We are ninja after all." She offered me a slightly embarrassed smile.

Man she's cute I thought before I rapidly shook my head and returned her smile.

As she watched me her smile turned sly and teasing before she struck a pose.

"What were you thinking Naruto? Something about how gorgeous I am? Sorry to say but I'm taken, Sasuke-kun is the only one for me, even if you are pretty cute now that you're no longer a midget. But your mask is a bit dumb." She threw me a wink to take the sting out of her words.

"Mah mah. I like my mask, it adds to my growing mystery. Besides, I like strong girls and sorry to say Ino but if I can put you in the dirt while I was as distracted and my guard was as low as it was then you're not all that strong. Especially since you're handicapping yourself by dieting." I smiled slightly, but my words obviously bit more than hers did.

Blushing she looked at the ground, "I'm not weak!" she tried to sound indignant.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." She looked back up at me.

"For one I'm sure my team will be training harder now that Asuma-sensei has seen what we're going to be compared to. But I also wanted to ask if you would mind training with me sometime. You've improved really fast from where you were in the academy and I don't want to be left behind everyone else, especially Sasuke-kun and Forehead! Even if it means giving up on dieting." She finished quietly.

"Sure Ino, you're welcome to train with me whenever you like as long as you stop dieting. I start at 4 in the morning at training ground 9 everyday, Hinata joins me most days and Tenten is sometimes there, so you'll also have some girls to spar and talk with."

At this point I sighed heavily. "And I don't think you have to worry about Sakura leaving you behind, she doesn't take being a kunoichi very seriously and it actually worries me a bit. Sasuke however…"

She leaned in looking excited, "I'll give him this, he's good. He was definitely the best out of the academy and he'll be one of the best in a few months, but our sensei isn't teaching us and he pushes everyone else away. There is only so far he can go on his own before he hits a wall, and when he does I hope he accepts help." I said solemnly as she looked at me in confusion.

Her mouth opened to defend her Sasuke-kun before she froze as if thinking over what I actually said. After a moment she looked at me appraisingly before nodding.

"I'll see you tomorrow bright and early then Naruto!" She sent the words over her shoulder as she took off running back to her team, ponytail flapping wildly behind her.

* * *

End Flashback no Jutsu

* * *

Once 7 rolled around the girls happily flopped to the ground, drenched in sweat and nearly hyperventilating from lack of oxygen.

Meanwhile Gai had Lee and me drop our weights and spar.

I lasted a decent amount of time, but eventually he was just too fast for me to react properly and I was smashed into the ground creating yet another crater.

I groaned as I hauled myself out of the crater, waving off Lee's apologies and exultations about my growing Taijutsu prowess, and collapsing next to the girls.

Sadly I was only taking a moment to recover myself before I had another spar with the train-a-holic Lee. What I don't do to grow stronger.

"Not so fun now is it?" Ino giggled and smirked smugly at me.

"Now you're the one getting put in the dirt and laid out on your back!" Both Hinata and Tenten joined her in her giggles.

"Mah mah, I'm having plenty of fun." I joked in return before pulling my mask away from my face. Not enough for anyone to see it, but enough to stick out my tongue.

"Besides, while I can do just fine on my back, the ladies tell me that they have more fun when they're on their backs." Then I extended my tongue to around two feet and wiggled it back and forth.

They all immediately fell silent and blushed furiously.

"That's disgusting!" Tenten said, her face distorted to express just how gross it actually was.

"They certainly don't seem to think so." I replied with more than a little smugness as I let my tongue return to my mouth and replaced my mask.

Tenten turned to see what I was talking about.

She was just in time to witness Ino and Hinata blushing a fetching scarlet from chest to forehead.

Ino's eyes were slightly glazed and she had a stream of drool running down her chin, while Hinata's eyes had changed into swirls, steam was shooting out of her ears with a whistling sound, and blood was dribbling out of one of her nostrils.

It was apparently too stimulating of an image as Hinata's consciousness ultimately gave out with a final spurt of blood that blew her backwards several meters.

Ino just seemed to be in her own little world. "Mmm, Sasuke-kun and Naruto…Sasuke-kun is so cool and aloof…but Naruto is tall and ripped…and that tongue…hehehe, maybe I'd have them take turns?"

I snapped my fingers in front of her face a few times before she came back to herself and casually wiped the drool off her chin, and then pretended it had never been there.

"That was an…interesting technique Naruto. Where'd you learn something like that?" She blushed and began to drool again. "And can you do the same for other extremities?"

"Other extremities?" Tenten cocked her head to the side. "Like his arms or legs?"

"Not quite." Ino said with a salacious grin. "But I suppose you could consider it a leg if it's big enough."

She had to think about it for a moment, but Tenten eventually understood. "GROSS!" She bellowed before she began smacking the back of her head screaming. "Get it out! Get it out of my head!"

"Oh stop being such a child, you're a shinobi, and what's more, you're a kunoichi. Using our bodies as weapons and leverage is basically in the job description. And despite being a bit of a dick when he spars, Naruto isn't that bad of a guy to look at or be around." Ino defended herself with a huff.

"Why thank you Ino, I didn't know you felt that way. What will Sasuke say when I tell him and he thinks you're leaving him for someone else. Especially since I think you aren't that bad on the eyes either, for a fragile, little flower." I blew her a kiss and to my surprise a bright pink heart flew off my hand and towards her in slow spiraling circles.

Ino seemed equally surprised and froze. The heart was almost at her cheek before its flight is abruptly halted by a kunai piercing through it.

"What the fuck was that!?" Tenten asked with another kunai ready.

"I-I don't actually know. I've never done that before." I respond, my eyes still glued on the tiny, little heart that seemed to struggle to complete its journey before giving up the ghost and dissolving into pink sparkles.

"I have another sensei besides Gai and Bakakashi, and I'm going to blame her for this. Most of the things that go wrong for me these days are her fault anyway, even if she did teach me the tongue thing." I shook my head like a dog shedding water.

"Who's your other sensei?" Ino asked, still focused on where the heart was before it disappeared.

"The craziest, sexiest, scariest, and did I mention craziest kunoichi in Konoha, Mitarashi Anko. I might not have emphasized how crazy she is enough…or how sexy." I sighed and stood to head back into the Hell that was sparring in pure Taijutsu with Lee.

"Oh and Ino?" I looked back over my shoulder.

"Yeah Naruto?" She finally looked away from where the last of the pink sparkles had faded away with a somewhat wistful look on her face.

"I can use it on my other extremities, but I don't think I'll ever need to. You can ask Hinata about it later." I threw her a wink and walked away.

Hinata who had just returned to consciousness developed another atomic blush and returned to the land of her fantasies with a gush of blood from her nose.

Tenten was crimson and stuttering as she tried to force something to come out of her mouth, but was unable to.

Ino looked between the comatose Hinata and me before her eyes widened and darted back to me as if hoping to see, but she had to settle for a view of my amazing ass instead.

Yep, I've definitely stepped down the road to corruption and I haven't even met Jiraiya yet.

I definitely blame Anko-chan.

* * *

Flashback no Jutsu Round 4!

* * *

Two weeks and two days after Team Assignment

I had finally found someone to teach me how to train my Lightning Nature, without relying on the vague notion that it has to do with piercing instead of cutting and the concept of discharging.

My teacher of choice? The Sandaime Hokage, also known as The Professor.

He was supposedly able to use every Jutsu from Konoha, which meant every element was under his command.

Not to mention I had something to bargain with if he was stubborn.

I barged in on him, as was my wont with a peppy "Heya Jiji!"

"Ah Naruto-kun, you look like you're doing well! What brings you here?" Hokage-jiji asked me with his grandfatherly smile.

"I was hoping you'd be able to help me with learning how to go about managing a Lightning Chakra Nature Transformation, beyond imagining my chakra as a very fine point and trying to make it as piercing as possible while imagining the static of lightning." I figured it was best to just lead with what I wanted, there was no way I could hoodwink someone like Hiruzen.

"Hmm, if you're at the point where you're learning something like this Kakashi should be able to help you. So why are you coming to me for help?" Jiji asked as he sat back and lit his pipe, smoke spiraling up towards the ceiling.

"Well Bakakashi-sensei," I had to pause as he laughed at the nickname, "doesn't really spend all that much time teaching me. Besides, I don't think he really knows what level I'm at, except that I'm beyond my teammates and holding back so that they think I'm not that far ahead." I offered him a shrug.

"Oh? And why would you do that Naruto? And if Kakashi doesn't know, or think you are ready to learn Nature Transformations then why would I approve of you learning it? He is your Jonin sensei after all." The Sandaime calmly pointed out.

"I don't want to have to deal with Uchiha-san's jealousy when he sees how fast I've improved, and that's without factoring in the consequence it would have on our already horrendous teamwork." I studied Jiji as I spoke, and I thought he approved of my reasoning, although I couldn't see anything, as his face was completely blank.

"And I think you'd approve of it because you've always had my best interests at heart and you probably know that your son, Asuma-sensei, has already taught me Wind Nature Chakra Transformation exercises." I smiled at Jiji, I was pretty sure I won without having to use my trump card.

With a soft sigh Hiruzen gave in "Very well Naruto-kun. I'm not sure I like this new, reasonable you. The old you was much easier to deal with…I never imagined I would say that. Oh well, here is how you are supposed to do it…"

He then proceeded to explain the methods to me over the course of the next few minutes before we decided to grab lunch together.

We ran into Konohamaru along the way, so I sent a clone to train and play with my minion and his friends.

After lunch Hokage-jiji sent me on my way and I hurried towards the Forest of Death, my go to spot for secret training.

I spawned 600 clones and assigned 100 to Wind Nature Transformation, 300 to Lightning Nature Transformation, 50 to Taijutsu katas, 50 to work on my Sensing capabilities, 50 to work on my hand seals, and the final 50 to work on my Fuinjutsu skills.

Personally, I began to exercise once again.

My Kyuubi enhanced Uzumaki healing factor having already restored much of my energy, stamina, and muscle strength from my grueling morning training with Gai, Lee, Hinata, and Ino.

Side note, Tenten may be joining the group soon as she's seen how fast they are improving and I keep beating her worse and worse every time we spar.

In the midst of my 12th set of strength building exercises I detected something close by.

Something that was trying to remain hidden and out of sight, I couldn't get any more from it as my Sensing capabilities were still new and underdeveloped.

Being where I was, there was only one person it could possibly be.

That left the question of whether I wanted to acknowledge and then meet the person in question.

With a sigh of slight sorrow for what would inevitably result in the end of my peaceful and secluded training, perhaps forever, I spoke.

"I know you're there. I may not be much of a sensor yet, but I can at least tell that you're in the area." I called out to the air.

"Hmm, you're an interesting, little gaki aren't you?" My visitor asked cordially as she dropped out of the trees and sauntered up to me.

She was just a bit taller than me, probably around 5'5" to my 5'4".

She had striking purple hair, smooth, milk chocolate eyes, and creamy skin, but her most attention garnering traits were her breasts.

Now it wasn't just that they were extraordinarily large, or that they were supernaturally perky for their size.

No, it was that the fishnet shirt she wore did little to nothing to obscure them, leaving that to the tenuous coverage of her open, tan, trench coat.

"I suppose, although I really don't think I'm all that little. But you're a shameless tease and a pervert aren't you miss." I shot back at her with a slight grin.

She grinned back at me and just the tiniest bit of bloodlust and crazy came through. "Why yes, yes I am! I'm the irrepressible, super sexy, currently single, 'snake-bitch' of Konoha, Mit-"

I cut her off as she was hitting her stride, causing her to sweat drop.

"Mitarashi Anko-san. The devil of dango, the femme fatale, the kinkiest kunoichi, the sexiest slut in Konoha, yep, I've heard of you. Nice to make your acquaintance." I offered her with an eye smile.

Anko seemed taken aback by my knowledge of her and the various monikers I mentioned. She got over it quickly and puffed up with pride.

"So what's your name gaki? And what are you doing way out here by my stomping grounds with all…your…friends…" She seemed to have just realized that all the other blonds running around were in fact Shadow Clones.

"The name's Uzumaki Naruto, village pariah, dead last of his class, demon child, that child, orphan, kyubi brat, and apparently gaki. Among other less pleasant names, at your service milady!" I performed a dramatic bow.

"And I am out here training with a stupid amount of Shadow Clones because I don't want to have to explain how I can do all of this to some people. I am supposed to be a dobe or at least a weakling after all. I shouldn't trample on the village's hard work to keep me stupid and inept. They put in a lot of effort after all, it would be rude to disregard that." I said ironically.

She just looked at me for a second as if unsure of how to proceed. Then she collected herself and grinned at me again. "Well don't we make a pair?" She asked happily.

"But are you sure it's fine to mention the kyuubi to me? I could be one of the people who hate you." Anko slid in close to me and pushed her breasts up in front of my face.

Blushing slightly I blatantly took a nice long look at her cleavage, appreciating her exceptional assets. "Well as long as those two like me I think I'm good."

She burst out laughing and busted a gut, ending up leaning on me to keep herself upright. Not that I minded, I was paying more attention to her lethal weapons pressing against me.

"You know what gaki? I like you, you've got guts, and a few more years and my girls here just might take a liking to you too. So here's what's going to happen." Anko was all smiles. I couldn't help but think it was a nice smile.

"I'm going to let you train here Blondie-kun, I may even throw in some help now and then if you ask nicely." Her smile turned a bit predatory and 'the crazy' flared in her eyes at this point.

"In return, you're going to help me with a few things, **_and_** you get the privilege to treat yours truly, your very own, unbelievably sexy, Anko-nee to dango!" She finished with a cheer, her eyes daring me to say no.

I eye smiled at her. "Sure thing Anko-chan, as long as we can have Ramen every once in a while." I studiously avoid calling her my sister, if we ever hooked up, and that is a possibility considering how estranged we both are from most of the village, it would be really awkward.

Or it could be hot, really, really hot.

What?

I'm talking about BOINKING with Anko; of course it's going to be kinky.

"Good! One question before we start. Why do you have a mask like Hatake, Blondie-kun?" Anko asked with cheer, snapping me out of my hormone powered delusion.

"Well Bakakashi is my Jonin sensei, so I mostly wear it to mess with him. However it does lend a certain mystique when people don't remember what you look like, and it helps hide my facial expressions." I volunteered easily as she once again draped herself all over me, sending me to hormone heaven, while she cackled at my nickname for Kakashi.

Wait a minute. Start? Start what? "Say…Anko-chan?" I asked hesitantly, fearing I knew what was to come.

"Yes Blondie-kun? And it's Anko-nee, repeat after me. A-N-K-O - N-E-E." Her arms had snaked around me, and while I was relishing in the feel of her chest squashed against mine, I was also starting to worry about what was to come.

"I know I'm really going to regret asking, but what are we starting?" I asked as I subtly leaned into Anko-chan to get a better feel of her breasts, causing her grin to widen until it almost split her face.

"I'm glad you asked Blondie-kun." She leaned in and her tongue ran up my neck and caressed my ear before she blew into it gently. "It's a fun, little game we're going to play together. Just…the…two…of…us…all…by…our…selves."

She was purring into my ear, each word dripping with sexuality, and even though I knew better I was reacting to it, "I like to call it, Death Tag."

I couldn't help but moan at her sheer sexuality, I was stiff as a Bo staff and pressed up against her stomach, even as I groaned at the Hell I knew was coming my way.

"Hmm? You really like your new Anko-nee, don't you Blondie-kun?" She teased me with a grin as she rubbed herself against my front, almost driving coherent thought out of my simple, horny, teenage mind.

"I didn't know my Blondie-kun would be so perverted, but that's ok you're cute when you moan for me. I wonder how cute you'll be when you scream in agony for me!?" And Anko had descended fully into bat shit insane mode.

Or was it snake shit insane?

No matter, as either way she whipped out a kunai and cut a line in my cheek while grinding against me and violating my wound with her tongue.

Is it wrong that she turned me on even more by doing that?

I let her know too by grunting at the pain before I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulled her closer to me and brazenly groped her ass.

"Does Blondie-kun like it when I play rough?" Anko mocked, but I could tell that she was surprised by my actions. Not to mention turned on.

"Yes." I nodded rapidly. "I like it very, very much. However, I'm going to start running now."

I used a hand seal-less Substitution Jutsu to replace myself with a quickly formed clone and took off running. I leapt over the fence and disappeared into the Forest of Death.

"Oh Blondie-kun," Anko whispered seductively to my clone, "we will have soooo much fun together." Then she shoved her kunai into his chest.

Every single one of my clones flinched, clutching their chests, and developed massive erections at the same time.

What Anko didn't realize was that she now had an undefeatable argument that she was indeed the sexiest, and craziest, kunoichi in Konoha.

No one else had ever given 600 people a stiffy at the same time while killing what was essentially them.

"Run Blondie-kun!" Anko roared with bloodthirsty glee as she followed me into her forested domain. "Run for your Anko-nee!"

* * *

End Flashback no Jutsu

* * *

After wrapping up my spars with Lee, I limped my way to training ground 7. Sitting down in the branches of a tree to avoid having to interact with either of my 'teammates', I pulled out my book on Intermediate Sealing and began to read as I recovered.

Thirty minutes after I arrived, Kakashi showed up. So I jumped down from my spot in the tree and walked over.

"I have a special mission for us today!" Kakashi seemed happy about this mission, too happy.

"So, we're finally going after the infamous Tora?" I asked, dearly hoping to ruin his fun at our expense.

Silver hair drooping with the rest of his body, he complained. "Why do you have to take all of the fun out of being a Jonin sensei, Naruto? And how do you always know about this stuff anyway?"

"Mah mah, I wouldn't say I take all the fun out of it. I mean you could teach us something after all." I said with a lazy, careless shrug, still reading my book.

Kakashi responded with a similar shrug, not pointing out how I neglected to mention where I got my information. "Well, come on then, might as well get this over with!"

Kakashi made it clear that I couldn't use Shadow Clones to help catch Tora, and that we would need to work together to succeed in a reasonable amount of time.

We broke the record for catching Tora.

While we did work together, I also cheated.

I made seal-less Shadow Clones as we made our way to Jiji's office to pick up our mission and used my developing Sensory skills to pinpoint the damn cat.

I led my team to her with the excuse of a gut feeling.

We surrounded her and I swooped in and grabbed her by the scruff of her neck.

One Anko patented 'I'll gut you, bathe in your blood, and use your organs as bath toys' smile backed by my KI and she docilely allowed me to carry her back to Jiji's office and even pet her a bit.

All the way back Kakashi cried anime tears and complained about me ruining everything while dark storm clouds rained on his head.

When we walked in Jiji and Iruka-sensei were shocked to say the least, especially at how well behaved the 'demon cat' was with me.

Even when Tora was being smothered and suffocated by the Daimyo's wife.

However immediately after they left my presence Tora made a break for it again, just as we were being offered another mission.

"Or you could catch Tora again?" Hiruzen proposed with a quiet chuckle.

"Come on Jiji." I said tiredly. "We've done so many of these D ranks. Hell I've even been sending Shadow Clone squads to do more under our team name each day, so we probably have the most D ranks completed by any Genin team. Rookie or otherwise."

Iruka-sensei checked the listings and blanched. "Wow. Y-yeah, far and away the most." He recovered quickly though. "However that doesn't mean you're ready to take a higher level mission. You have to work your way up like everyone else!"

"Yeah, yeah Iruka-sensei." I waved at him lazily before turning back to Hiruzen.

"So Jiji, what do you say?" I eye smiled at him winningly as Sakura and Sasuke looked on interestedly.

Both of my teammates were just as sick of D rank missions as I was, well maybe not quite that much.

"I don't know Naruto, maybe I can find a simple C rank mission for your team." He began before lifting a finger to cut off any celebration. "If your sensei approves."

Kakashi looked up from his book and eye smiled. "No." Turning to me his eye smile grew. "You ruin my joy and I ruin yours." Then he turned back to his book.

"There you have it. The decision is ultimately up to your Jonin sensei." Hiruzen said, although he was disappointed by Kakashi's reason to decline the mission.

"What if I tell you the secret to defeating paperwork?" I offered while motioning to the hills of forms towering from their places on Jiji's desk.

Was it just me, or had the amount somehow grown since we had been talking?

"WHAT!?" Hiruzen shrieked louder and more shrilly then Sakura would ever manage.

"You know the secret? Truly? I can finally vanquish my most hated, eternal foe?" The Sandaime's eyes were burning with desire and unholy glee.

"If you can gift me with this knowledge I will let you take any C rank mission you desire! And when the time comes I'll let you pick your first B rank and A rank missions! Please tell your Jiji, Naruto-kun! I BEG of you." It was more than a little disconcerting to see the Sandaime Hokage, The Professor, and God of Shinobi on his knees, bargaining with a mere Genin.

"Mah mah, no need to go so far as to kneel Jiji." I reached down to pull him to his feet, and he headed back to his desk.

Did the paperwork stacks grow AGAIN?

Are the ANBU doing this?

Is paperwork ALIVE in this world?

Is Hagoromo using Creation of All Things to make more of it?

I refocused on Hiruzen, raised one finger and said two words. "Shadow Clones."

Hiruzen froze for a moment before he began to giggle like a little girl. "Shadow Clones. Fucking Shadow Clones! That's how he did it!"

The giggles shifted into deranged cackling. "So much for the famed Professor! Stupid Hiruzen! Stupid, stupid, stupid! But! Now I'm FREE!"

" ** _Shadow Clone Jutsu!_** " Three Jiji's appeared and began to systematically demolish the waves of paperwork while muttering and cackling to themselves.

Clearing his throat the Hokage attempted to regain his obliterated dignity. "Thank you for that Naruto-kun, you have no idea how grateful I am."

"We have an idea." Everyone else, besides his clones, deadpanned in unison.

"Erm…so what type of C rank would you like Naruto?" Hiruzen inquired.

"What do you have in the way of escort missions?" I asked with a smirk hidden behind my mask.

* * *

And there it is.

As I said last time, Naruto is already far more powerful than he was in canon.

It's been a few months since the SI arrived, and he's only getting stronger.

To cut off any complaints, stats aren't exactly the be-all-end-all of who wins in a fight.

However they are a decent indicator of you overall capability and power as a Shinobi.

Most stats will be taken or adapted from (Kishimoto's OFFICIAL wiki/Infobox)

And Naruto's stats jumped again because he was so damn weak, and Shadow Clones are broken for improving the basics, skills, and learning Jutsu.

However his growth is going to slow down from this headlong crazy rush shortly. But he will still be advancing far more quickly than anyone else.

 ** _Hax no Jutsu!_**

* * *

Love it?

Hate it?

Have an idea how I could improve the story or the reading experience?

Let me know and I'll do my best to fix what I can and improve the rest.

And if you don't like it...

Well there are other fics out there that you will probably enjoy, so best of luck finding one that suits you.

Praise the Log!

Ja Ne

* * *

 **Ranking System**

 **1-9 = Civilian**

 **10-13 = Civilian that can access Chakra**

 **14-22 = Genin**

 **23-27 = Chunin**

 **25-27 = Tokubetsu Jonin**

 **28-31 = Jonin**

 **31.5-33.5 = Elite Jonin**

 **[32-35.5 = S Rank Nin]**

 **34-35.5 = Kage Class**

 **36-40 = Sage of 6 Paths Class**

* * *

 **TEAM 7 Statistics**

 **Uzumaki Naruto**

 **Nin – 3.5**

 **Tai - 3.5**

 **Gen - 2**

 **Int - 4**

 **Str - 3.5**

 **Spd - 3.5**

 **Stm - 5**

 **HS - 3.5**

 **Total - 28.5**

 **Uchiha Sasuke**

 **Nin – 3**

 **Tai - 2.5**

 **Gen - 1.5**

 **Int - 2**

 **Str – 2.5**

 **Spd - 3**

 **Stm – 2.5**

 **HS - 3**

 **Total - 20**

 **Haruno Sakura**

 **Nin - 2**

 **Tai - 1**

 **Gen – 3.5**

 **Int - 3.5**

 **Str - 1**

 **Spd – 1.5**

 **Stm – 1.5**

 **HS - 4**

 **Total - 18**

 **Hatake Kakashi**

 **Nin - 5**

 **Tai - 4**

 **Gen - 4**

 **Int - 4.5**

 **Str - 3.5**

 **Spd - 4**

 **Stm - 3**

 **HS - 5**

 **Total – 33**

 **Might Gai**

 **Nin – 3**

 **Tai - 5**

 **Gen - 3**

 **Int - 3**

 **Str - 5**

 **Spd - 5**

 **Stm - 5**

 **HS - 2.5**

 **Total - 31.5**

 **Gai's "Students of YOUTH"**

 **Tenten**

 **Nin – 2.5**

 **Tai – 2.5**

 **Gen – 1.5**

 **Int - 2**

 **Str – 1.5**

 **Spd - 3**

 **Stm – 2**

 **HS - 2**

 **Total – 17**

 **Hyuga Hinata**

 **Nin – 1.5**

 **Tai - 3**

 **Gen - 1**

 **Int – 2.5**

 **Str – 1.5**

 **Spd – 2.5**

 **Stm – 2**

 **HS - 2**

 **Total – 16**

 **Yamanaka Ino**

 **Nin – 3**

 **Tai - 2**

 **Gen – 1.5**

 **Int – 2.5**

 **Str – 1.5**

 **Spd - 3**

 **Stm – 2.5**

 **HS - 2.5**

 **Total – 18.5**

 **Rock Lee**

 **Nin – 0.5**

 **Tai - 4**

 **Gen - .5**

 **Int – 1.5**

 **Str - 3.5**

 **Spd - 4**

 **Stm - 3**

 **HS - 1**

 **Total – 18**

 **The Super Sexy and Single - Mitarashi Anko**

 **Nin – 3.5**

 **Tai - 2.5**

 **Gen - 4**

 **Int - 2**

 **Str - 3**

 **Spd - 3**

 **Stm - 4**

 **HS – 3**

 **Total – 25**

* * *

 **OMAKE**

 **Mitarashi Anko Stats**

 **Nude Jutsu – 5**

 **Tongue Jutsu - 5**

 **Gene gathering Jutsu – 4.5**

 **Insides – 4.5**

 **Strip Jutsu – 3.5**

 **Special Techniques – 5**

 **Stamina (wink wink*) – 4.5**

 **Hand Skills…I mean Seals – 4.5**

 **Totally Insane – 36.5**

 **Sage of Sex Paths Level Sex Addict…I mean Kunoichi**

Sorry, sorry, I couldn't help myself. Anko is just so far into the fan service section that she's basically a walking sexual innuendo when she's not just a kinky sex addict.

I may have played that same card in this chapter, but I have plans for her later on that don't include being a kinky sex doll in fishnets a trench coat.

Well...not just a kinky sex doll in fishnets and a trench coat.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter took a bit longer to edit and bring up to my personal quality checks. The plot was the easy part for this one. I have the same problem at the moment with my other story's next chapter, but hopefully that will be done soon.

Apologies to Frytrix, I kind of need to use the stats to show relative skill/power levels and to really give an idea of the progress characters make. That way I don't have to worry about accidentally writing in fluctuating power levels, and I can accurately demonstrate where and how someone got stronger. This helps me keep track, but also allows readers to follow along with the growth of the characters in a reasonable and easily traceable manner.

So...sorry about all that.

On with the show!

* * *

Chapter 3: BRIDGNG the Gap…Or Not

After ignoring the attempts of my 'teammates' to get my attention and Bakakashi to glare through my head, I cheerfully selected the Wave escort mission.

I mused aloud explaining my supposed reasoning for my choice.

"Hmm, well a low priority escort mission is perfect for us. Bakakashi doesn't have to put in much effort. It's not very likely that we will encounter more than bandits or perhaps a low ranked Missing-Nin, if we are especially unlucky, and he can take care of anyone below A rank easily." I jerked my chin at the Cyclops who seemed torn between beaming at me for praising him or glaring at me for ruining his fun.

"In addition Haruno-san, Uchiha-san, and I not only get a chance to prove ourselves on a slightly higher ranked mission, but also acquire invaluable experience outside of Konoha. We'll take this one." I 'decided' with a firm nod.

"Well reasoned." Hiruzen intoned with a solemn nod, still trying to salvage his ruined dignity. No one was buying it.

Turning to Iruka he gave his order. "Alright, call in Tazuna-san."

Then a few minutes of awkward silence later, he stumbled in.

Drunk as a skunk and twice as smelly, Tazuna the bridge builder and hope of Nami no Kuni, the Land of the Waves. I have to say I was a bit excited to see Sasuke and Sakura's reactions to him.

"What the-!?" He exclaimed before belching slightly. "A bunch of snot-nosed brats are supposed to guard me?"

He punctuated his question with a sloppy gesticulation using a half empty sake bottle. "An emo, pretty boy who looks like he was sodomized recently, and a little girl who looks like she'd be a better stalker than a ninja with pi…is that really pink hair?"

Sasuke's face twisted in offended arrogance, making him look like he was constipated as a result of his recent sodomization, and Sakura had turned into actual stone, jaw literally on the floor. It was really kind of cool to see, one second she was flesh and the next stone.

"Well I suppose the blonde at least looks the part and isn't such a munchkin, and the scarecrow seems decent." Alternating between scratching his beard and ass, Tazuna shrugged as if to say Kakashi and I were fine by him.

"I am master bridge builder Tazuna and I must return to my country safely. I'm building a bridge there that will change our world, and I expect you to get me there safe…even if it means giving up your life." He stared at us seriously, though the drunken blush and moderate to severe slurring of his words lessened the effect somewhat.

"Mah mah Tazuna-san, no need to be so morbid. We'll get you there safely, Bakakashi here, despite being a lazy, good-for-nothing sensei, is one of the top ninjas in the village. Not to mention Uchiha-san was Rookie of the Year, Haruno-san can kill grown men with just her voice. And I am pretty strong myself you know." I gave Tazuna an eye-smile to help reassure him of our competence.

Kakashi eye-smiled at me and I had a feeling that I was forgiven my earlier trespasses. Sasuke looked haughty and arrogant as if it was only right that I acknowledged him for receiving a meaningless title.

And Sakura was still stone, but seemed to have cracked a bit and was being rained on by tiny cartoon storm clouds.

"Feh. Good enough for me. When do we leave?" The drunk managed to get out before attempting to drown himself with his sake bottle.

"Hokage-sama, I would request that you order us to leave tomorrow at 7 in the morning. Sharp." I cast my eyes at Kakashi to make it clear why I was doing this.

"It will let Tazuna-san have a nice night and sober up for the journey, let us pack and prepare ourselves, and by your order Bakakashi will have to show up on time to leave."

Jiji just looked at me for a second before smiling and going along with my idea, helping him with his paperwork seemed to have gone a really long way in getting into his good books.

"Kakashi-kun, you are ordered to be packed, ready to leave, and present wherever your team decides to meet at the appointed time of 7 tomorrow morning. You will then leave for your mission without delay or deliberate sabotage."

Hiruzen smirked at Kakashi, whose eye was wide and filled with horror and betrayal at the thought that he wouldn't be able to be late.

As we all left the Sandaime pulled out his own copy of Icha Icha and thought to himself.

"Maybe you're not so far from taking this hat from me after all Naruto-kun."

Looking at his shadow clones and the now almost overflowing completed bin of paperwork he compared it to the rapidly depleting bin holding his remaining work.

Hiruzen couldn't help but think that maybe holding on for a few more years wouldn't be so bad now that he knew the Yondaime's secret.

Maybe now he could get out and sneak some training in, his skills had certainly suffered from neglect. That sounded like a good idea to him…after he finished this chapter.

"Hehehehe. Ahhhh Makino-chan you're such a naughty little minx!" Shinobi throughout The Leaf suddenly began crying as they felt their respect for authority figures shatter.

Leaf kunoichi suddenly felt the compulsive need to visit the Hokage and bring many sharp objects with them.

* * *

The next day, 7 o'clock sharp, my team, a massively hung-over Tazuna, and I were already leaving the towering walls of Konoha behind us.

Kakashi was reading his book and complaining about having run into a black cat, which would surely bring us bad luck, and old, feeble ladies who needed help with groceries that he was prevented from providing.

Sasuke was keeping a wary eye on our surroundings as he took the point position, hoping to see some action.

He would see some, but that was all he would do.

I mean I did have to assert my dominance over all things teme didn't I?

Even if I didn't have the same adversarial relationship with him as retard Naruto originally did. (He was still a teme.)

Sakura, having recovered from her time as a statue, was obviously, staring at Sasuke with hearts in her eyes and drool on her chin.

Fangirl-itis is a horrible thing, and I would never wish it on any man…except Bakakashi. I really seem to have developed a grudge against him for not teaching me anything and just being a terrible sensei.

Maybe it has something to do with the Naruto part of me now knowing that he's my Tou-san's student and that he basically abandoned me to run off and drown in guilt instead of manning up and helping a child in need of him.

Meh, I don't care enough to really figure it out at the moment.

Everyone but me had a backpack and both my fellow Genin mocked me about forgetting my supplies, Kakashi however took a look at my sealing book and seemed to understand and approve of what I had done.

Little did the idiots know that I had everything I needed tucked away inside sealing scrolls that I made for myself. Making it so that I didn't need to carry a heavy and bulky backpack.

Heh, suckers.

The first time we made camp and I pulled out a tiny little scroll and unsealed a hammock, blankets, and various other comforts my teammates' eyes popped out of their heads.

This continued on more or less the same for the better part of two days and it was late morning during the second day that I finally saw what I was waiting for.

A puddle!

Yep, it was time to use my future knowledge to cheat again!

Muahahaha, man I love knowing how things will happen before they actually do, it makes taking advantage of them so much easier.

That's why I'll try not to stray all that far from canon, although I won't stick to it exclusively if I see a way to benefit from changing something.

Sasuke walked by the puddle without so much as a glance. Some 'elite' he was hahaha, I would have noticed the puddle and sensed the enemies within even if I didn't know they were there.

Sakura and Tazuna followed obliviously behind the Uchiha. Kakashi gave it a lazy glance before looking away; pretending not to have noticed anything wrong, and I kept it in sight out of the corner of my eye.

When the Demon Brothers attacked it went down exactly as it did in canon. Up to the point when they finished 'killing' Kakashi.

Then it all went to shit for them.

Immediately I turned and threw several kunai at each of them to keep their attention occupied. However they were really unfortunate. They attempted to block them with their clawed gauntlets and continue charging towards us.

I had planed on capturing both of them alive, but wind chakra laced kunai have a tendency to cut through whatever is in their path. Needless to say things didn't go exactly as I planned.

That is especially the case when you have shadow clones throwing said wind chakra laced kunai as well.

Yep, I had made use of Hax no Jutsu again to help with scouting and to practice my still relatively average sensing skills. I had used wind chakra to enhance my kunai's cutting power because I didn't know how much I would need to take down a Chunin.

I had been training quite a bit, but had no one to truly compare to besides in Taijutsu, and Lee still beat me most of the time in that. And in the spirit of training and fairness, I never used anything that the handicapped boy couldn't, I.E. Nin or Genjutsu.

The first brother made to block the kunai going for his throat and avoid the others that passed by each side and above him to prevent him from moving anywhere without having to sacrifice positioning.

The kunai pierced straight through his gauntlet and then his throat, killing him in an instant, and continuing on to go through another tree.

Even as the first brother's body fell lifeless to the ground, the other brother was caught in the exact same situation.

He however was lucky enough that the kunai aimed for his throat struck his gauntlet at an odd angle and it was just enough to deflect the kunai into and through his shoulder.

The force of the blow and the crimson spray of his lifeblood spinning him around and allowing the kunai my clones had thrown to successfully pierce his knees and blow right through them as if they were wet tissue.

As he hit the dirt of the road screaming in agony and loss, my clones were able to quickly restrain him, not that he was in any shape to go anywhere regardless.

It hadn't been more than 3 seconds from beginning to end. However Sasuke was still in the act of running forward to engage the enemy Nin. It took him another moment or two to realize that I had already defeated both of them and killed one of them.

Sakura still was frozen with wide eyes, and Tazuna was crouched down with shock and fear on his face.

I took all of that in in a blink. Then I calmly walked to the edge of the path.

"Kakashi-sensei, permission to have a momentary lapse in composure due to my first kill?" I spoke to the air in a calm tone. However even I noticed the slight tremor in my voice.

A hand gently rested on my shoulder and I didn't even look, already knowing whom it belonged to. "Go ahead Naruto, let it out." The tone was serious for once, no sign of our playful, lazy, vengeful sensei held within.

I nodded once, bent over slightly and ripped my mask off my face before throwing up the light breakfast I had today in anticipation of this very occurrence. The heaves wracked my body until nothing but yellowish bile came from my empty stomach, and soon after even that was expelled.

Killing in my old world was something that didn't happen often and certainly not around anyone except criminals and soldiers, barring accidents. I knew as a shinobi I was a soldier now and so I had been trying to prepare for this.

I thought I would be ready. I mean, part of me grew up as Naruto and suffered all kinds of fucked up shit. The other part of me was pretty desensitized to violence; at least I thought so.

Video games you know?

It still took me by surprise. How…how easy it was to kill.

I expected to be revolted, retard Naruto certainly would have been.

I expected to be stunned and in shock, and I suppose I was a bit, but nothing unmanageable. I mean I monologue in my head all the time, so this wasn't anything totally unusual.

I expected to feel it as my soul was stained and a piece of me, perhaps the child in me had died. I had prepared to go through self-loathing and have to lean on Kakashi for wisdom and support.

Instead I felt…

Nothing.

It was easy. Killing was just so damn easy.

That's how I knew that any hope of following canon, beyond as a very general guideline, was just not going to happen. In the anime, the manga, whatever you preferred, Naruto didn't kill.

He simply didn't do it.

Hell he didn't even take part in killing someone up until Kakuzu and Hidan, excluding Haku and Zabuza. But those two weren't his fault. He did everything he could to keep them alive. That was on Kakashi and Gato.

I had just killed, and only my revulsion at my lack of response to the act caused any response at all. And that same revulsion was simply a conditioned response by half of what now made me, well, me.

I knew it wouldn't happen again next time, and it would only get easier each time until killing not bothering me no longer bothered me at all.

Spitting the nasty taste of half digested food and bitter bile from my mouth and rinsing with a canteen of water let me collect myself. I took a deep breath and accepted what I had done.

Raising my mask back into place, Kakashi's comforting and solid hand still clasped on my shoulder, I prepared myself to face my team and move towards the future. I couldn't afford to falter at this point, especially when I hadn't even made it past the beginning of my story.

I stood and turned back to my team and Tazuna. Giving Kakashi a quick nod of silent thanks before I addressed everyone. "Sorry about that, first time killing anyone, I promise it won't happen again!"

My chipper tone and eye-smile seemed to freak Tazuna and Sakura out for some reason. Sasuke was looking at me with wide eyes and a hint of something between respect and fear in his gaze before he regained his typically stoic demeanor.

Kakashi simply squeezed my shoulder and eye-smiled back before making his way to my clones and their prisoner, who had been knocked unconscious and had his wounds cauterized by Kakashi's own shadow clone. Funny, I hadn't noticed him making one.

All my clones saluted Kakashi before looking at me. Seeing my nod of acknowledgement, they returned to the trees and quickly disappeared from sight.

Tazuna and us Genin waited in silence as Kakashi interrogated the remaining Demon Brother.

Sakura kept stealing little glances at me, a conflicted look on her face, when she thought I wasn't looking. As if she wasn't sure if she wanted to deride and scream at me, or try to comfort me.

Maybe she was coming around? Probably not, but I could hold out hope that she would after this mission. After all she had already seen death close up, and would soon be meeting someone far more terrifying than the two I killed. Yes, I said two.

There was no way the second demon brother was going to live through his wounds, and even if he did, then he would be retrieved by Leaf ANBU and sent to T&I and tortured before he died.

Basically he was already dead. He just hadn't realized it yet.

Tazuna seemed caught between shock and fear, not surprising considering he had almost died, watched a 12-13 year old kill someone nearly effortlessly, and probably understood that his goose was cooked. Kakashi was on to him now.

Sasuke was keeping an eye on our surroundings, probably trying to spot my clones, while keeping track of me out of the corner of his eye. Hmm, was that out of respect and/or concern?

Nah, probably out of jealousy of my 'power', maybe some grudging respect, and a hint of wariness.

Me? Well I was once again imitating Kakashi and had buried my nose in my BINGO book. I had to be able to play off any knowledge about Zabuza and what was to come in the future after all.

I was definitely not distracting myself from the lack of guilt or remorse over my first kill and the guilt that came with not feeling anything except slightly disappointed that Chunin were so easy to kill. Even if the kill happened to be by virtue of surprise and them underestimating me.

Would Zabuza be as easy to kill?

Would every shinobi be this easy if I let them underestimate me? That…couldn't be the case right?

I mean A and S rank Shinobi would have to be good enough to recover and save themselves from death if the gap between us was big enough.

Granted I was probably close to, if not a, B rank shinobi in skill at this point and the Demon Brothers couldn't have been higher than C rank.

Still I couldn't help but feel that until I made a name for myself it really might all be this easy.

I guess I can't complain, especially since most of the people I will be killing will be after my life anyway.

It was only a few minutes later Kakashi walked back over.

"Sorry about letting you all think I was killed, but I needed to see who they were targeting." His eye narrowed as he looked at Tazuna. "Something you want to mention Tazuna-san?"

"Please! Please help me!" Tazuna immediately fell to his knees and groveled pathetically. "There is a man who wants me dead, so I can't finish building the bridge. He's choking Wave to death in his clutches and this bridge is our only hope to survive! You have to help me save my country, please!"

"So you knew that this mission would be higher than C rank, but chose to advertise it as such regardless. Probably because you can't afford to pay for more because of whomever the man strangling your country is. Well I can't blame you for trying to get help, but for putting my cute, little Genin in danger and lying to my Village and Hokage, I am beyond furious. We're heading home, this mission just escalated to at least a B rank mission. We're not equipped to handle this." Kakashi was ruthless with his words, his tone lazy but somehow severe.

"No please! Gato will be the death of us all, my daughter and grandson, the villagers, our entire country and way of life! You're my only hope, our only hope! Please, please, please!" Tazuna had broken down, begging as tears streamed freely down his face.

Sakura looked at the man with pity, clearly swayed by his plight.

Sasuke also seemed affected, but still remained mostly neutral. That was surprising considering that the man was begging us to save his family, something that I was sure would help turn Sasuke to his side.

Kakashi however was unaffected. "No. Especially not since you said the one who wants you dead is Gato. I'm assuming you mean the billionaire tycoon Gato. Anyone with that much money can afford to hire much better than the Demon Brothers. The next ninja we come across won't be a Chunin, but a Jonin like myself, and my Genin aren't ready for that."

The silver Cyclops shook his head with a sigh. "This mission is over, we're heading back to Konoha."

"But…are we really going to leave him, and an entire country, to die?" Sakura seemed incredulous, eyes flicking back and forth between Kakashi, Tazuna, and Sasuke, trying to get a grip on the situation.

"Yes, it isn't our mission to protect him from Missing-Nin, we aren't equipped for it, and he lied about the specifics of the mission. That put all of us at risk, regardless of his reasons for doing so." The Scarecrow retorted gravely.

"I believe we should continue the mission." I put forth my own opinion without looking up from my book.

"If I can take down two Chunin level shinobi without any effort and no prior warning beyond noticing a puddle where there shouldn't be one, then I think we can safely say that I'm at least a Chunin level shinobi. Sasuke is also probably around low Chunin level, and while Sakura is firmly in the Genin level, she IS at least a solid Genin."

I sighed and scratched the top of my head. "Then we have you Kakashi-sensei. Even if a Jonin level shinobi shows up we have the advantage, at the least I should be able to keep us from becoming a liability so that you can focus on the fight. This seems to be a good thing for us."

I said as I gestured to my fellow Genin who were looking at me as if I was an alien, or a Sado-Masochistic Silver-haired Jashinist…moving on. "We get to experience fighting or at least witnessing a fight on a completely different level, help and put a neighbor of Konoha in our debt, and understand that a mission is not always at it seems and learn to look underneath the underneath."

With a sigh Kakashi seemed to accept that I might have a point, even as Tazuna prostrated himself to me crying his thanks.

"Well, lets have a vote then. We are a team after all." Kakashi reluctantly compromised. "I vote we return to Konoha."

"Hn. Forward." Sasuke didn't even bother with sentences; his Uchiha pride wouldn't let him back down.

"I-I think we should help them as well." Sakura followed Sasuke's choice and her easily appealed to conscience. I'd need to beat that out of her at some point.

"I vote to continue the mission. However, Kakashi-sensei, you have a summoning contract if I'm not mistaken." I put forth my two-cents, or is that yen now, while adding a question.

"Hmm? Yes, I have the summoning contract for the Ninja Dogs of Konoha. Why do you ask Naruto?" He tilted his head slightly and looked at me quizzically. I don't know why he was acting like an idiot, but he had to know where I'm going with this…didn't he?

"Perfect, then you should send an update on the situation back to Hokage-sama along with our decision to continue the mission. Perhaps request backup and a retrieval of the remaining Demon Brother, just in case." I made my second real change to the mission from canon, first was killing the Demon Brothers, this time I'm playing it smart and calling for help.

"Good thinking Naruto. Okay, as we seem to be continuing the mission, everyone should take a minute to collect themselves and prepare while I send off my summon." Kakashi pricked his thumb with a kunai before going through the hand seals fast enough that I only managed to form a guess as to what they were.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu" As soon as his palm pressed against the ground there was a puff of white smoke.

"Hey Kakashi." Came the surprisingly deep voice of Pakkun. And by God was he adorable!

"Pakkun, I need you to take a message to the Hokage for me. Tell him that Team 7's mission has been raised to a B rank, possibly an A rank depending on what happens next. We will be continuing on the mission, but request additional back up of at least Tokubetsu Jonin level." Kakashi drawled in his usual lazy manner, which was an odd juxtaposition with the serious words he was speaking.

"Got it. I'll get that done, see ya Kakashi." Pakkun took off back towards Konoha with a nod of his tiny head.

Hopefully our reinforcements would arrive before Zabuza did. If not, I was confident that Kakashi and I could take him. I just had to make sure that we didn't actually kill him.

I had decided that I wanted him to either join Konoha or survive to help provide for the Mizu Bloodline Rebellion.

Anything I can do to mess with Obito and Madara, I will do. The end of the series battles were no joke, and hundreds, if not thousands, died in minutes. That's without mentioning Kaguya, mother crazy herself.

That was far into the future at this point though, it was best I focus on the here and now.

Speaking of, I'd better remove my weights in preparation for Zabuza's arrival.

* * *

There was still no sign of our backup as we entered Wave. All around us there was only fog, water, and the great bridge Tazuna was building.

Everyone was silent as we left the man and boat that had smuggled us into Nami no Kuni, trying to find anything out of place. The fog had cleared as we moved away from the sea and the sun was shining. My teammates had also let down their guards.

As we were nearing Tazuna's house my clones picked something up with their sensing skills and one dispelled to alert me.

I instantly threw a kunai into the bush where I was directed, knowing what we'd find.

Sakura let out a startled squawk, and everyone jumped and looked my way, kunai at hand. I simply went to retrieve my kunai and came back with a terrified snow rabbit. Sakura looked like she wanted to berate me, but thought better of it. She was probably remembering how I embarrassed her during our spar, or that I had my first kill recently.

I looked straight at Kakashi, ignoring everyone else. "It's the wrong color, meaning it was raised inside. Kawarimi."

His eye widened and he yelled out. "Get down!"

Luckily I was already pulling Sakura and Tazuna to the ground before he even finished his first word. He and Sasuke both hit the dirt in time for a giant buzz saw of screaming, metal, death to pass over all of our heads.

The sword, because it was a sword despite its ridiculous size, finished its flight by burying its blade into a tree and a form landed on its handle.

"Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Mist, A rank Missing-Nin from Kirigakure. Master of the silent assassination technique, my BINGO book says you have quite the bounty. Why is someone like you working for someone like Gato?" I spoke in a bored tone before anyone else could.

Besides a few short, speculative glances thrown my way everyone kept their eyes on Zabuza.

"Heh, not bad kid. You've done your Homework and you know who my employer is, but why I'm working for him doesn't matter to you. Leave the bridge builder and go, or you'll all die here." Zabuza looked over his shoulder as he delivered his ultimatum in a growl.

"You know we can't do that. Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, protect Tazuna! I'll need to focus solely on him if I want to survive." We surrounded Tazuna while Kakashi slowly lifted his headband off his hidden eye.

"Kakashi of the Sharingan, it's an honor that you're already pulling out your trump card in order to fight me." Zabuza growled out. "However, it means nothing if you can't see me."

"Water Style: Hiding in the Mist" Mist rose up from the ground, thick and ominous, and soon obscured Zabuza and our surroundings from view.

That was when his KI hit us. It was suffocating; I could feel death breathing behind me. I could feel it stealing up upon me and slowly ripping my life from my body, making it impossible to breathe.

I abruptly realized that I wasn't breathing and desperately released my own KI in the hopes of mitigating the oppressive feeling of my own mortality.

Thankfully it worked to an extent, and I was able to suck in a gasping breath.

However even then I was severely shaken and no longer worried that killing A rank and above shinobi would be anywhere near easy. I didn't know if the KI affected me so much because I had never experienced it to this extent before, or because our levels were far more different than I had thought.

The rest of my team besides Kakashi were shaking in fear and Sasuke's kunai was inching towards his own throat until Kakashi made his dramatic promise to not let his comrades, us, die.

It would have been much more reassuring if I didn't know that his last team of comrades did die on him.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep." Zabuza snarled with laughter in his voice. "Eight points to choose from. Larynx, spine, liver, lungs, jugular, Subclavian artery, kidneys, and heart. Now which should I choose?"

Knowing what was coming I was already moving by the time Zabuza appeared in the middle of our formation. "It's over!" He crowed, but I had already buried my kunai in his throat as Kakashi sped towards us.

The Zabuza I had stabbed dissolved into water; showing it was a water clone, even as another Zabuza appeared to my left, ready to strike me down.

I avoided being bisected by Kubikiribocho by throwing myself to my right and rolling into a defensive stance, presenting my right side and making myself as small a target as possible, as Kakashi stabbed this new Zabuza in the gut while he was busy trying to see what color my insides were.

As that Zabuza also turned into water, revealed to be another water clone, yet again Zabuza materialized behind Kakashi. "Die!" He bellowed even as his sword screamed towards the Silver haired Jonin.

This one actually managed to separate my sensei from most of his torso and his legs.

Sakura screamed in terror and denial even as Kakashi's body dispersed into even more water, revealing him to be a water clone as well. He then appeared behind Zabuza with a kunai held to his throat.

"It was a good try, but not good enough. Now it's over." Kakashi spoke calmly, brimming with self-assurance.

"Impressive. You managed to copy my water clone, but you'll need to do better to trick me." Zabuza laughed condescendingly as Kakashi's eyes widened, even as the Zabuza in front of him dissolved into water once more.

Kakashi tried to turn and defend himself, but knew instantly that he wouldn't be able to make it in time.

A distinct lack of high-ranking missions, dedicated training, and conditioning had caused his edge to dull and he'd lost a step that he couldn't afford to lose.

However I knew what was coming, even if there were more water clones than I thought there would be. And damn there were a lot of water clones running around.

So before the only person who was stronger than me AND wanted me to stay safe was punted like football I was already moving.

Manipulating my chakra in a way I had done thousands of times, through my clones, I gathered it in my right hand and instantly converted it to wind nature chakra while shaping it into a keen edge.

Slashing my hand from above my head down to my waist I unleashed my technique.

"Beast Tearing Palm" A vertical wave of wind natured chakra formed with the sole purpose of tearing whatever might be unfortunate enough to make contact with it into tiny, tiny, blood splattered pieces was sent roaring at Zabuza.

He barely managed to react in time and prevent the loss of his leg, but it still managed to leave a deep gash on his foot as he whipped the appendage back and away from my technique and sensei.

"GRAH!" He screamed through clenched teeth, suppressing the undoubtedly excruciating pain of having all the skin and muscle on the bottom of his foot shorn off. Blood began to gush from the wound even as he tried to recover his balance.

Kakashi recovered first. Moving in for the kill, his Sharingan eye was blazing with the desire to protect his comrades as the tomoe spun wildly.

I followed quickly on his heels.

Zabuza managed to fend off Kakashi's first blow, but while he was preoccupied I ducked under his giant blade and delivered a devastating slice to his hamstring on the opposite side of his previous wound before back flipping and springing away from the beast.

I was thanking all the gods in both my lives that I had learned some Ninjutsu in the time I had, and especially that I had learned the Hien from Asuma. Wind chakra weapons are such a cheat when you're a newbie.

No one expected a fresh-faced Genin to be able to use them, and they are dangerous enough that they can bring down the big boys if I got a good enough shot in.

Obviously demonstrated by my slaughter of the Demon Brothers, and my wounding and crippling of Zabuza.

With his mobility drastically reduced Zabuza was now taking a beating from Kakashi, who was unleashing a barrage of fire Jutsu, shuriken and kunai attacks, and Taijutsu assaults, he had cuts, contusions, and burns littering his body and blood pouring from the wounds we had inflicted upon him.

Still he was proving that he deserved his reputation, blurring through hand seals at a tremendous rate in order to unleash a, no doubt powerful, Jutsu.

However Kakashi wasn't known as the Copy-Ninja for nothing and equaled and then surpassed the speed of his hand seals.

Kakashi finished slightly before Zabuza did, but they both managed to unleash the technique.

"Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu" The two water dragons went roaring at each other before colliding with the force of a raging hurricane, scattering waves, droplets of water, and debris everywhere.

Both Kakashi and Zabuza were panting at this point, however Zabuza was in distinctly worse shape with all the blood he had lost.

"Can-can you see the future? You knew what Jutsu I was going to use and beat me to it." Zabuza was freaking out, obviously unused to being the one taken by surprise and intimidated by the Sharingan's impressive reputation.

"Yes, and your future…is death. This is the end!" Kakashi shouted as he blurred though hand seals at a rate eclipsing anything I had seen before.

"Chidori" Suddenly the air was filled with the sound of hundreds of chirping birds, all singing at once, as his hand glowed a distinct and unearthly blue.

Then he vanished, moving with such speed that I momentarily lost sight of him before reappearing with his hand tearing through Zabuza's side as the Demon of the Mist somehow anticipated the attack and flung himself sideways.

He just barely managed to prevent Kakashi's technique from piercing through his heart.

There was a hole where flesh used to exist, burnt black by the electrical discharge of the A rank, assassination technique.

Zabuza slowly fell to the ground and began coughing up copious amounts of blood, unable to so much as move or speak.

I joined Kakashi as we made our way towards the downed Missing-Nin, side-by-side, ready to finish him off.

When senbon came flying out of the air to impale our enemy's neck, causing him to lose all signs of life and flop lifelessly to the ground.

Kakashi and I both whipped around and fell into defensive stances as another person appeared, dressed as a Kiri Hunter-Nin.

"I have been following him for quite some time and you gave me a chance to kill him. You have my thanks." The masked Hunter-Nin, who I knew to be Haku, picked up the body and hefted it on to his shoulder.

"Happy to help Hunter-san" Kakashi drawled while maintaining his ready stance, but I could see the exhaustion creeping over his visage. I remained silent, no need to mess up a good thing with everything going mostly according to canon except Zabuza a bit more banged up and Kakashi a bit less.

With a nod the fake Hunter-Nin disappeared with Zabuza over his shoulder. I immediately turned to Kakashi and yanked his Hitai-ate down to cover his Sharingan and tossed one of his arms over my shoulders.

"You Bakakashi! We had him. There was no need to use such a chakra intensive Jutsu, we could have just outlasted him and kept him busy with lower ranked Jutsu. Now you're going to be suffering from chakra exhaustion for the next few days." I berated my irresponsible sensei on his bonehead move.

"Although it's not as bad as it could be. At least you're still able to move and haven't passed out yet." Said moron chuckling weakly cut my Kakashi bashing short.

His tone was relaxed, but a hint of steely resolve lay underneath the surface. "You're right, but I can't help that I want to keep my precious students safe."

That shut me up. "Besides I couldn't let my student, the dead-last of his age group say he did more damage to Momochi Zabuza, the Demon of the Mist than I did, now could I?" He cheerily asked me as if I would agree with his reasoning.

"Idiotic, perverted, lazy, good-for-nothing Bakakashi. That's your reason? Moron." I muttered darkly, promising him pain in the future.

"Thank you Naruto." Once again Kakashi's tone had turned serious. "You had my back and covered me when I made a mistake that I could have paid for with all of our lives. You prevented that from happening, so thank you. And good job."

"Yeah…I guess. You're welcome, happy to help." I didn't know what to say to that. Retard Naruto was never good at receiving compliments and that seemed to have carried over to some extent.

"Sasuke, Sakura, bring Tazuna and lets hurry to his house. I'm exhausted and need to rest and recover." Kakashi ordered the remainder of our team and spurred them into action, finally.

Sasuke was fuming about his lack of use during the battle. Resentment and jealousy filled the air around him in a palpable cloud.

Tazuna quickly took the lead, hurrying to put distance between the emo with a power fetish and himself.

Even Sakura seems to realize that something bad was going on with Sasuke, and kept glancing between him and me worriedly.

* * *

When we reached Tazuna's house he hustled us inside where we were greeted by his daughter Tsunami, a beautiful woman who epitomized the phrase Yamato Nadeshiko. She kindly welcomed us into her home and showed me where I could leave Kakashi to rest for the night.

As I lowered him to the bed, he already seemed asleep so I turned and made to leave. He reached out and caught my arm.

"Thank you again Naruto, I might not have made it if it wasn't for you. You saved my life and most likely those of everyone else in the team." Kakashi began before his serious tone gave way to a small, tired smile.

"But you've grown remarkably Naruto. I know I haven't been responsible for much of it, but I really do believe that teamwork is the foundation to true strength as a team. Let Sasuke and Sakura know that they did well too." The infamous Copy-Nin then proceeded to pass out.

"Man, you really are a Bakakashi." I let out a put upon sigh. Then I threw my lackluster sensei a bone and gave him a solid jab, hoping it would spur him on.

"Like I would let anything happen to my comrades if I have the power to stop it. We're all lucky that I've been able to advance so far on my own initiative, Sasuke and Sakura would have been useless against him."

I ran a hand through my spiky, blond hair in mild exasperation and disappointment.

"You should stop dwelling on what has already happened and train so that you can prevent something like it from happening again. You're powerful, but Zabuza had you dead to rights when he shouldn't have been able to touch you. Think on it and make your choice between the past and the present before the present becomes the past."

Without looking back I silently walked out of the room and gently closed the door behind me, not noticing the stream of tears trickling from Kakashi's single, uncovered eye as he stared unseeingly at the ceiling.

* * *

Dinner was quiet and short, all of us wanting to eat and get to sleep as soon as possible. The only notable occurrence was Inari's outburst about how we were going to die and that there was no such thing as heroes as he ran to his room. I easily ignored the brat.

* * *

Fun fact. Uchiha Sasuke snores really loudly AND I recorded it for future use. Muahahaha, take that for robbing me of my sleep asshole!

I awoke early, around 4 in the twilight between ungodly night and unholy morning, and before anyone else was up I had set about my morning routine. Making my morning ablutions and setting about making 800 shadow clones to work on increasing my most needed abilities.

100 of them immediately took off to keep working on my wind nature chakra transformation. The next group was made of 300 to power level my lightning nature chakra transformation, which, while it was coming along wasn't as advanced as my wind.

Thankfully both of these exercises counted as chakra control training, as I still felt I was using stupid amounts of chakra for my lower level techniques.

50 were to keep working on perfecting my Shurikenjutsu and Bukijutsu in general. The other 50 of this group would be cranking out some Fuinjutsu, which doubled as training and gaining supplies for me to use.

Another 50 swiftly began to run through my Goken katas at near combat speed, focusing on flowing from one stance and motion into the next while maintaining control as well as power and speed.

The other 50 were set to work on the speed and accuracy of my hand seals.

The second to last group of 100 clones Shunshined away to continue working on my shape transformation. If I hadn't taken so long shaping my chakra back when I attacked Zabuza with my Beast Tearing Palm then I may have been able to injure him more severely. Once again this should also help with my chakra control, thankfully.

The last 100 of them were to go through my current Jutsu repertoire and continue my path to mastery, as in reducing the number of hand seals and the amount of chakra I needed to actually use them.

I on the other hand would be solely focused on the physical aspect of my training, building up my speed and strength as much as possible in the next week or so in order to better compete with Haku's speed and try to contest Zabuza's strength.

I finished up pounding myself into the ground and dragged my drained carcass into the house at around 8 o'clock, for breakfast.

Everyone seemed surprised to see me enter from outside the house for whatever reason.

"Where were you?" Sasuke demanded of me, still seething with his jealousy of the 'power' I showed against Zabuza.

"Not your business, but I was training. Next time I want to take his leg off instead of merely grazing it." I responded evenly, but with a slightly vicious undertone, knowing that it would encourage him to push himself harder.

I deliberately looked at Sakura as I deliver a cruel barb. "Maybe the two of you should consider it so that you can actually provide Bakakashi and me with some help next time."

I was hoping that this would encourage her to take her training more seriously and work towards actually being a real kunoichi some time before Shippuden. If she even made it that far, which I was feeling more and more doubtful about.

"You can't expect us to go against a monster like that!" The banshee cried with offended sensibilities.

"You're right." I freely agreed with her, cutting her response off before it could truly begin. "However I can expect you not to freeze and be useless. Merely offering support and actually being able to keep a guard on the client while we do the actual fighting would be incredibly helpful."

"And Zabuza isn't a monster. Not even close. He's an A rank Missing-Nin, true. But A ranks are chumps compared to the real monsters." I whipped out my BINGO book and flipped it to a particular page before putting it right in her face.

"This is a real monster. Uchiha Itachi, S rank Missing-Nin. He slaughtered his entire clan in order to merely test his power and he killed all of them but one without even suffering an injury. Zabuza is a wannabe compared to him." I glanced at Sasuke and saw him seething, teeth gritted and intense hatred darkening his visage.

"That's why you need to train as hard as you can, any chance you get. Because if you think people like Zabuza are unsurpassable mountains, then you won't be able to even lift a finger if a real monster appears before you and threatens all you hold dear." I snapped the book shut and took my place at the dead quiet table.

"Besides, one day we'll have to help Sasuke-san get his revenge. As his teammates and maybe one day his friends, it will be our responsibility to make sure that he has his shot at Itachi, by taking care of anyone with him, as many times as he needs." My tone was rock solid and final, causing Sakura to blanch and swivel to look at 'her Sasuke-kun'.

Sasuke had frozen, his jealousy and hate having vanished at my words. Shock and disbelief clear in his posture and face.

"After all, we are all Shinobi of Konoha. We're all comrades." I looked up from my food and eye-smiled first at Sasuke and then at Tsunami. "The meal was delicious, thank you Tsunami-chan."

"Well said Naruto." Kakashi called out just as Tsunami blushed and said "Oh, thank you Naruto-kun."

"Speaking of training, I'll be teaching you something new in order to try and get you ready to face off against Zabuza again." Kakashi used my sermon as a segue.

"WHAT!?" Sakura returned to normal banshee form. "But Zabuza is dead isn't he? That Hunter-Nin finished him off!"

"No, I agree with Bakakashi. He used senbon, which are notoriously difficult to inflict fatal wounds with and instead of cutting off Zabuza's head and burning the body, or even just taking the Kubikiribocho; he took Zabuza's entire body.

That means that it's likely that Zabuza is alive and recovering right now and will attack again relatively soon, but with his accomplice this time." I relayed my future knowledge as my own conclusions, garnering a respectful and appreciative nod from Kakashi.

"Exactly, I would hazard to guess that Zabuza will try again within a week to ten days regardless of his health. And while you might not think that any amount of training done within a week will let you fight Zabuza evenly, and you are entirely correct, it will help increase the chances of your survival." Kakashi cut off Sakura's counter argument before it could even start.

Looks like I'm not the only one who wants her to grow stronger. I guess the fight with Zabuza and my words may have actually gotten through to the Copy-Nin.

* * *

Out in the forest Kakashi faced the three of us and waited for the inevitable question. Thankfully he didn't seem to need the crutch he used in canon, but it's also obvious that he was extremely fatigued.

"So what are you going to be teaching us Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked after waiting a few minutes for Kakashi to do anything. I guess I didn't fully fix him yet.

"I'm glad you asked Sakura! I'm going to teach you how to climb trees." Then he eye-smiled as the bastard waited for the standard response.

"But we already know how to climb trees." Sakura complained, shocked at the useless nature of Kakashi's training.

"Hn." Sasuke threw out his own agreement. His eyes however remained fixed on me as I continued reading my Intermediate Sealing book.

"Without using your hands." Kakashi retorted in a chipper voice, obviously enjoying this.

"But that's impossible Kakashi-sensei!" Shrieked Sakura again. Damn it I need to break her of that and soon.

"Oh?" Amusement dripping from his voice Kakashi turned and placed one foot on the trunk of a tree and proceeded to walk up it as if it were flat ground before stopping on the underside of a branch and standing upside down.

"So this is impossible? Well I guess I don't need to teach it to you then. However if you do want to learn, you concentrate your chakra to your feet and use it to stick to the surface of the tree. Too much and you'll break the bark and push yourself off, too little and you'll just slide off and fall." Kakashi really did enjoy messing with his students.

Three kunai flew through the air and landed at our feet. "Use those to mark your progress, and you might want to take a running start." He proceeded to walk back down the tree and sit down with his smut.

"I'm done. I figured this out months ago." I drawled from my perch at the top of a tree, hanging upside down like a bat and still reading my book.

"I can also do the water walking exercise too." I volunteered. Just to crush any hopes he had of seeing me fall into water with my clothes on.

Anime tears streaming down his face Kakashi wailed into the air. "Why Naruto!? Why do you always take the joys of being a Jonin sensei from me!?"

"Huh? Did you say something Bakakashi?" I didn't even deign to look up from my book.

* * *

Somewhere a man in green spandex felt a warm glow in his heart. "YOSH SOMEONE'S FLAMES OF YOUTH HAVE EXPLODED ALL OVER MY ETERNAL RIVAL! IT MUST BE NARUTO-KUN! YOOOOOOOOOSH, I AM SO PROUD OF MY STUDENT THAT I WILL DO 10 MILLION PUSH UPS WITH A 10,000 KG BOULDER ON MY BACK TO CELEBRATE HIS YOUTH AND FAN MY OWN FLAMES TO AN INFERNO OF YOOOOOOOOOUTHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"YOOOOOOOOOOUTHHHHHHHH!" Parroted his mini clone.

The two others with them simply face-palmed, as the bandits they were about to ambush were now looking at them and knew exactly where they were.

* * *

A mini rainstorm immediately settled over Kakashi's head and began pouring on him as he crouched down and began drawing squiggles in the ground with a finger. "He used my thing against me…I want to be proud, but somehow I'm just devastated."

"Sakura." I got her attention. "When you get this, and you will get it before Sasuke."

Said emo scowled at the challenge to his Uchiha superiority before I explained my reasoning.

"That is because you have such miniscule reserves, which makes them exceptionally easy to control. Unlike Sasuke, who has higher than average reserves for a Genin. So once you have the exercise down you'll need to keep doing it in order to begin increasing your reserves to acceptable levels. I want you to walk up and down your tree until you feel exhausted. Then sit and rest until you've recovered, then repeat until Sasuke is finished for the day." I ended with a lazy wave before jumping down from my tree, batman style, and walking over to Kakashi.

Sasuke smirked at my supposed acknowledgement of him as an 'elite' while Sakura paled at the thought of doing so much work. However they both set about working on the exercise.

"You really aren't a good teacher are you?" I seriously asked Kakashi as I stood next to him and watched my fellow Genin train.

"No, I really am not." He responded agreeably.

"I have a lightning affinity." I began, knowing that he probably knew where I was going with this. "I'd like for you to teach me that Jutsu you used to carve up Zabuza. Chidori, was it?"

He nodded in confirmation of the name, if not acceptance of teaching me the technique.

"I'm already well into nature transformation and shape manipulation for both my wind and lightning affinities, and I think you've already realized that I'm more advanced skill wise and more mature mentally than the rest of my age group. So please teach me how to use that technique." I bowed my head in supplication and began to plan what I might have to do to convince him.

"Okay." Came the simple reply, causing me to fall over in surprise at how easily he accepted.

"Why?" I wanted to confirm why he's going to teach me an A rank assassination Jutsu as a Genin, without any convincing.

"As you said, you're already much more advanced than them," he lazily gestured at the other two who were struggling to tree-climb, "in a variety of ways."

He fixed his heavy lidded gaze on me and I felt a shiver go down my spine.

"And besides, you're the only one here besides me that has a chance of lasting more than a few seconds against Zabuza. That and you more than likely saved my life in that fight, holding you back when I could help you would be self-defeating."

A cheery eye-smile accompanied his next revelations. "We both know that you're far above most Chunin at this point anyway. I'd have to see what else you can do, but from what I've seen you could be approaching Tokubetsu to newly promoted Jonin levels soon if you can use more than one elemental nature type."

Actually I didn't know that.

I knew that my Taijutsu was definitely getting up there, that I had a decent assortment of wind Jutsu and a small repertoire of lightning Jutsu, and that my basics were rock solid. However I didn't really know how that all fit together and where that left me in regards to rank and overall strength.

Wow, the Kage Bunishin no Jutsu training method added to Uzumaki stamina and persistence (crazy), and the healing from being the Kyubi Jinchuriki really was SUPER HAX.

While I was lost in thought, also known as my inner monologue, I felt a spike of bloodlust and managed to dodge a kunai aimed at my head on pure instinct.

However the next instant I felt cold steel at my throat as a voice purred in my ear. "You're getting sloppy Blondie-kun. At least you managed to avoid my kunai, but sadly that means I'll have to cut you to taste that blood of yours that I like so much."

Staying perfectly still in order to not cut my own throat I merely sighed, I feel like I've been sighing a lot recently, and greeted my assailant. "Anko-chan, it's great to see you again. I'm so happy that the Hokage sent you as our backup." My monotone may have put lie to my statement though, as I could almost feel her pouting.

"Awww, you're no fun Blondie-kun. Not even a flinch. But I still have you this time!" My psychotic, sometime sensei (friend?) crowed in triumph.

"Do you?" I proceeded have a troop of clones surround her with kunai at her vitals. "That one you have is a clone too, so I guess that means you lose this one too Anko-chan." I waved from my new position by Kakashi's other side where I had ended up after substituting with the clone in front of her.

"So many Blondie-kuns! Are they all for me?" Anko's smile was predatory and extremely seductive. She leaned forward just enough to squish her breasts against my clone's back and began to rub herself against it all while giving the real me bedroom eyes. "I guess your clone gets to be the one to touch me then."

Her tongue traced shapes on the skin of my clone's neck and eventually found his ear. That along with the stimulation of her breasts pushing and rubbing against his back and the dainty hand that reached around and fondled his manhood had him a blushing, erect, and very happy mess.

While my clone struggled not to moan in pleasure and desire, Anko continued speaking as if she wasn't even trying to give my clone a stiffy or the OTPHJ (over the pants hand job) of his short life. "I came to the Land of the Waves because I wanted to spend some quality time with my Blondie-kun and all I got was this stupid clone. Besides…" She paused and sped up her hand. "I thought I told you to call me Anko-nee?"

My clone burst.

Not in that way you pervert!

Okay, almost in that way…

But I was talking about how Anko drove her kunai through his neck just as he was about to finish. Talk about ultimate blue balls, and his memories transferred directly to me.

"Urgh!" Every other clone around doubled over as they sprouted sudden erections and were unexpectedly assaulted with massive blue balls and memories of death before release.

I was no exception, and found myself on the ground clutching my junk as it throbbed angrily.

Thankfully an appalled Sakura and a slightly curious Sasuke distracted Anko at that moment.

"Wh-who are you and what the Hell were you just doing to Naruto!?" The human siren screeched out in righteous fury and embarrassment. Sasuke just nodded as if including himself in her questions.

"Me?" Anko seemed genuinely shocked that they didn't know who she was. "I'm not only Blondie-kun's very own Nee-san. I am the extremely sexy and currently single Mitarashi Anko!" She struck a pose, hands on her hips and chest thrust out as if expecting praise and applause.

"Until Blondie-kun gets a bit older and decides that he'd like to learn about the snake in the cave. Then I'll be the extremely sexy and unfortunately for all things male and female, I don't discriminate, taken Mitarashi Anko." At this she started to run her hands over her body and wiggle a little bit as she licked her lips, causing each of my clones to flinch and grab his manhood in phantom pain and true arousal.

"Until he proposes and then I suppose I'd be the devastatingly sexy and happily married, but unfortunately no longer available to fuck like a dirty slut, Uzumaki Anko! Oh! But I'll be boinking Blondie-kun however he likes." Everyone sweat-dropped at this, not knowing what to say in response. I gave a longsuffering sigh again as my clones all popped and my pants grew even tighter.

"You're a bit late." I tried to get the conversation back on less perilous subjects. "I'll let one of my clones fill you in, Kakashi-sensei was about to teach me a new Jutsu so I'll talk to you later Anko-chan."

I motioned for Kakashi to join me as I created a new clone and begin to waddle away, as my pants were uncomfortably tight around my junk and restricted my movement.

Now as an aside, in my old, non-ninja, life, fanfiction authors liked to joke that Hinata liked and stalked Naruto because he was hung…I wouldn't be surprised if that was her reason. I could club a baby seal to death with this thing and I'm, like, 12.

Seriously.

"Oh, do you mind watching over those two while they train? They're doing tree climbing. Maybe you can provide some incentive for them to work harder?" I offered to the crazy, sexy, snake lady over my shoulder.

"Oh Blondie-kun, this is why I love you! You give me the best presents!" She cheered before turning to my teammates with a homicidal grin. "You better start working harder and moving faster, or else you'll have to learn how to do this with only one leg!"

The kunai and shuriken began to fly and screams rang through the air as Kakashi and I walked away.

"You…you are a wonderful student!" Kakashi gave me a 'thumbs up' as proud tears streamed from his visible eye.

* * *

That night while we were eating dinner, Anko was hanging off my side blabbing away happily about something or another.

Kakashi was busy reading his smut, and my teammates were nursing fresh bruises and cuts as they shoveled food into their mouths like they were starving to death, before both of their heads thunked down on the table.

I was reading my Sealing book, enjoying the feeling of Anko's leg pressing and rubbing against mine, subtly focusing on how her breasts felt when pushed up against my arm and shoulder, and lazily preventing her from either assailing my teammates with various weapons or sneaking her hand into my pants.

I was only 12 after all, and as much as I knew I would enjoy whatever she did to me, it was not to be done in front of others.

If we were alone I would probably (definitely) just let her do whatever she wanted and try to enjoy it as much as possible…and record it.

I would definitely record it.

Unfortunately I knew this atmosphere wouldn't last, and as I thought, it didn't.

"You're all going to die." Came a high pitched and petulant voice.

"Hmm? You say something pipsqueak?" I asked in my best Kakashi voice as Kakashi himself clenched his fist in victory at having passed on his 'thing' to the next generation.

"I said that you're all going to die!" He screamed at me. "You can't beat Gato, no one can! So you're all going to die. You aren't heroes, they don't exist!"

I mildly close my book with one hand, while with the other I soothingly took Anko's hand away from the sharp object she was about to launch and drew little patterns on the back of her hand and knuckles.

Kakashi was in shock as Anko practically melted against his student due to him rubbing her hand.

Anko!

The crazy, murderous, psychopathic, slutty, reprehensible, snake bitch of Konoha!

The woman who assaulted, slept around, and violently hurt people for amusement.

That Anko!

And now she sported a soft blush, was nuzzling his cute, little student's cheek, running her tongue over his neck, and had little pink hearts wafting off of her as she purred in contentment while giving him the 'you're getting lucky tonight' look.

What the Hell did Naruto do to her!?

Where he could get him some, and did it work on other women too?

I cleared my throat while I carefully crafted my response and thought about how much I wanted to dig at Inari.

"So in reverse order. You're right that we aren't heroes. We're shinobi, we kill heroes and villains and everything in between. You're wrong that heroes don't exist though, heroes are those who stand up for their beliefs and loved ones no matter the cost and they most certainty do exist. Regarding Gato. He's just a funny, little man with lots of money. As soon as we defeat Zabuza, the ninja that Gato hired, for the second time I might add, we will be able to kill Gato at any time we want. As for us dying."

I shrugged at this point. "It's possible, but that's the life we signed up for when we became shinobi. However at least we'll go out fighting for what we believe in and with friends at our side and not sitting at home whining about how hard our lives are and wishing failure and death on the family that only wants what is best for us. You see little boy, we are what stands between your grandfather, mother, village, country, and yourself and Gato. So if we die all of you will as well."

I softly brought Anko's hand up to my masked lips and planted a soft, short kiss on her palm that had her melting down into a puddle on the floor. "I'll be taking my leave now. I'll be outside training to work off some steam. Thank you for the wonderful meal Tsunami-chan."

With that I left and prepared to train through the night and meet Haku in the morning.

* * *

And there it is.

Canon if finally beginning to be Curb Stomped by Shadow Clones.

To cut off any complaints, stats aren't exactly the be-all-end-all of who wins in a fight.

However they are a decent indicator of you overall capability and power as a Shinobi.

Most stats will be taken from Kishimoto's OFFICAL wiki/Infobox

* * *

Love it?

Hate it?

Have an idea how I could improve the story or the reading experience?

Let me know and I'll do my best to fix what I can and improve the rest.

And if you don't like it...

Well there are other fics out there that you will probably enjoy, so best of luck finding one that suits you.

Praise the Log!

Ja Ne

ViP out.

* * *

 **Ranking System**

 **1-9 = Civilian**

 **10-13 = Civilian that can access Chakra**

 **14-22 = Genin**

 **23-27 = Chunin**

 **25-27 = Tokubetsu Jonin**

 **28-31 = Jonin**

 **31.5-33.5 = Elite Jonin**

 **[32-35.5 = S Rank Nin]**

 **34-35.5 = Kage Class**

 **36-40 = Sage of 6 Paths Class**

* * *

 **Momochi Zabuza**

 **Nin – 4.5**

 **Tai – 4.5**

 **Gen – 2.5**

 **Int - 3**

 **Str - 4**

 **Spd - 4**

 **Stm - 4**

 **HS – 4**

 **Total – 30.5**

 **Haku**

 **Nin – 3.5**

 **Tai - 1**

 **Gen - 1**

 **Int - 4**

 **Str – 1.5**

 **Spd - 4**

 **Stm - 2**

 **HS – 4**

 **Total – 21**


	4. Chapter 4

Surprise! I am Alive!

Guess who's back? Back again. Shady's back. Tell a friend!

So Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to Everyone as well.

Sorry this took so long, no excuse besides Family and Holidays. So I'll try to be better.

* * *

Okay Q/A Time!

Allhailthesith - Thanks for the enthusiasm!

Greyson Sanders - I am a disappointment, but there is something along those lines in here. I hope you like it.

Dzerx - She really is a lot of fun to write. Just wait and see, some masks are worn so long they become part of us, some are coping mechanisms, and some take time to see through.

Raidentensho - Maybe and sadly, probably not.

OBSERVE01 - Hmmmmm, Rider-esque Hax no Jutsu? Me like. And I fully agree, it is another strike against Kishimoto that he would dare turn her fat! I mean big boned, don't hurt me Fat-Anko-san!

zolydck - Thanks for the reminder, but I figure if Lee and Gai can run around while using Gates then it will work with enough speed training.

ComeAggainDude - I'm glad you are enjoying it and thank you for the benedictions.

dloold87 - Thank you for the compliment, and I hope it lives up to your expectations. It certainly took long enough for me to write.

Random Guest User - Sakura was currently ranked as stronger than Hinata and Tenten because she had a much higher score in hand seals and Intellect at the start and then Naruto beating her down without paying attention to her convinced her to try harder. Those were Kishimoto's own scores for them based on the data books. They are subject to change as the story goes on. Remember that her score was only higher before the girls started training with Naruto, Lee, and Gai.

* * *

Without further monologue-ing, on with the show!

* * *

Chapter 4: Demons, Heroes, and the Price of being One

"Hmmm." I hummed to myself as I sat in quiet contemplation, looking over what was left of my training ground.

There were trees that were shattered, gouged, and riddled with holes going all the way through them. The ground had suffered from much the same, only with the addition of giant craters smashed into its surface.

I still had shadow clones scattered about practicing and scouting for my soon to arrive guest as I sat and rested. My personal training had once again been purely physical and I had finally succeeded in moving my weights up to over 8,000 pounds. Which was my base goal for the Chunin exams.

All in all I felt like I had done very well for a night of training, even if the edges of my vision still went blurry when I tried to turn while using Chidori.

Suddenly a rush of memories let me know that Haku was on his (her?) way towards me, I speedily swapped places with a clone that I had pretend to be asleep like in the original timeline.

He (she?) then approached me and pulled the whole 'I'm going to choke him to death thing'. Kind of funny really, as this time around I was stronger than him (her?) and could kill him (her?) before he (she?) even realized.

As his (her?) hand was about to reach my clone's neck the clone acted and quickly subdued him (her?).

Okay so I will be the first to admit that I can be kind of oblivious and that dumbass Naruto was so much worse than me, but Haku was confusing the fuck out of me. Was Haku a he or a she? He (she?) dressed and looked like a girl, but claimed to be a boy!

Not to mention that Haku was fucking hot! This would really mess with my head if Haku turned out to be a guy. Would that mean I was gay? Could I be gay if I was only attracted to Haku but not other men, and only then because he, or hopefully she, was super hot in an extremely feminine way?

"Boss." My clone looked at me seriously as I almost lost myself to a severe crisis with my sexuality. I'd have to see Anko later to reaffirm that I was very much interested in the feminine physique. Well…I suppose I could use Tsunami-chan for that as well, Sakura wouldn't work, as she was a flapjack.

"I caught this person attempting to strangle me in my sleep." My clone once again dragged me out of my thoughts.

"No!" Haku protested feebly, being held in a very uncomfortable submission hold. "I was just going to wake you up and see why you were sleeping out here! I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Hmm, alright." I agreed good-naturedly and dispelled my clone, letting Haku sit up as a sly grin stole across my face for a moment before it was gone. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and sorry for the misunderstanding. I didn't mean to hurt or scare you." I offered Haku a brilliant grin and a hand up even as I lied about my intentions. I had totally meant to scare him (her?).

Smiling gently in turn as he (she?) rubbed feeling back into his (her?) limbs Haku took my hand and I hoisted him (I'll go with him for now as its much less fucking annoying than questioning his gender every pronoun) to his feet. Then I began brushing the dirt and grass off his kimono (pink for God's sake! He could at least wear orange!) while apologizing for getting him dirty.

"Thank you Naruto-kun." The questionably gendered beauty beamed at me. "My name is Haku and I'm sorry again for startling you earlier. So what were you doing out here anyway?" Haku probed for information while keeping up the pretense of not being a ninja.

"Oh, I was training. I've got a mission to complete and not only my own, but my client's precious people to protect!" I channeled dumbass Naruto as best as I could and flashed him another grin, now thoroughly satisfied with my findings and the potential for teasing later on that they offered.

"So you fight for your precious people?" Haku seemed startled and yet happy about my words even as I nodded in affirmation. "I too fight for my precious people, my precious person is also why I'm out here collecting medicinal herbs." He raised his basket slightly.

"Yep, but I also fight for myself." I interjected while nodding firmly. "Protecting others is what makes someone become truly strong, but only when someone can incorporate their self into their list of precious people can they truly begin to live. After all, if someone is precious to you it is more than likely that you are precious to them too. That means to protect them you need to protect yourself!"

My sagacious words caused him to pause and look down in thought as if his entire world was rocked by my words.

Score!

Plan: Don't have Haku stabbed through the heart with a Raikiri to futilely try to protect Zabuza is a GO!

So the name needs work, sue me. Naruto named his ultimate technique 'Wind Shuriken' which is lame as fuck even if I will keep the name for simplicity's sake.

"Hey don't look so pensive, it doesn't fit a pretty girl like you!" I once again channeled retard Naruto and offered him a thumbs up while trying not to cackle with glee at my upcoming prank.

That got a smile and a laugh out of Haku as he prepared to drop his bomb on me. "Thank you Naruto-kun, for your kind words, but…I'm a boy."

I just looked at him. Then I intensify my gaze into a stare as if trying to divine the truth of his words. Haku blushed and began to fidget under the force of my scrutiny.

"Hmm." I offered as my noncommittal answer; when in doubt, or pretending to be in doubt, go with the Uchiha response.

"Bye Haku-chan, I've got to go meet up with my friends and train some more!" I yelled as I jogged away from him, pretending to disregard his 'earth-shattering' revelation.

"Goodbye Naruto-kun, till we meet again!" Haku called in response, looking slightly sad. Probably because he knows that we will be fighting each other soon and maybe because I didn't react much to his shocker of being a man.

"Oh!" I stopped as if suddenly remembering something important and turned back to Haku with a grin. "Say hi to Zabuza-san for me and let him know that Gato plans to double-cross him." I returned fire with my own drone strike in retaliation.

Haku's stupefied face was worth acting like retard Naruto to throw him off the fact that I was actually a good ninja and even knew who he was.

"And besides that…" I was gearing up to drop a nuke on the bitch. "Boys don't have such developed curves or boobs, Haku-chan~." I gave Haku a lascivious wink and mimicked patting her down before quickly taking off.

That's right, Haku is…A GIRL!

That always fucked with me when I watched the show as the way she looked and dressed screamed feminine, but she claimed to be a guy. And seeing her in person was even worse as she was just so damn pretty, yet claimed to be a boy.

Welp that was one mystery of this universe solved. I guess she's just a troll that gets her kicks off of messing with guys. Or maybe it was just less hassle to pretend to be a dude in the ninja line of work?

I have added another pair of awesome kunoichi breasts to my groping collection. Get it? Not growing, groping? No one but Anko appreciates me as much as I deserve.

That statement makes me concerned for my mental health. Oh well!

Somewhere in Konoha, Kurenai developed a tick mark on her head and swore that she would punish Kakashi. She didn't know why she would do this, but she knew that he would deserve it. Not to mention she felt the sudden urge to meet up with Anko and meet the 'Blondie-kun' she had been raving about.

Kurenai swore to steer this 'Blondie-kun' away from the path of the pervert, no matter the cost! Little did she know that it was far too late for that.

Whistling a jaunty tune to myself I decided to check up on my teammates and make sure that Anko hadn't killed anyone important while I was off solving the mysteries of the world.

* * *

As I strolled towards the hideous screams and desperate pleading that echoed throughout the forest, I couldn't help but hope that Zabuza took my warning seriously.

Not just because Haku was a pretty girl with a nice rack and decent curves, even if they were wrapped up and hidden so she could pass as a boy, but because of how much he would help the bloodline rebellion if he made it out of this alive.

Not that any of that would stop me from keeping the Wave safe from Gato even if I had to kill both of them. After all I was a Leaf shinobi and there were plenty of other beautiful women in the world. Like Anko and her crazy, sexy, insane, voluptuous, psychotic self.

Did I mention that she was hot and crazy?

While I mused on the fates of enemy ninja and the ratio of attractiveness to bat-shit crazy in women that I found acceptable, I absently caught a kunai that flew in my direction and used it to deflect the rest that followed after it.

I looked up blankly as if I hadn't been paying any attention at all to my surroundings and had only just noticed the presence of my…friend? "Oh. Hey there Anko-chan, didn't see you there. I was thinking about something."

The purple haired beauty gave me a psychopathic smile that both aroused me and made me want to run away from her. "Blondie-kun! Your friends aren't any fun, they aren't even as good of toys as you were when we first met!"

"Well Anko-chan, that'd be because of all the awesome I have." I gave a sympathetic shake of my head and shrugged my shoulders. "It's not their fault that they weren't born with as much awesome as I was."

Twin torpedoes impacting my face and pressing me up against a tree as a kunai poking me in the thigh right by my femoral artery abruptly cut me off. "HA! I have you now Blondie-kun!" The torpedoes crowed in triumph as they rubbed against my face through a thin mesh barrier, letting me feel their hardened tips perfectly. "And what were you thinking about that had you so distracted? Was it me? It was definitely about the sexy and single Mitarashi Anko, wasn't it!"

"Nope, you still came too soon Anko-chan. However I don't mind, only guys have to worry about when they come, you can come for me whenever you want. Over and over again." I murmured into her ear as I nuzzled her neck and pushed up behind her before my clone popped.

I brazenly ran a hand up her thigh before blatantly groping her breasts as I pushed her up against the tree she had held my clone against. "But you're right, I was thinking about how attractive I found you and if it was because of or despite your crazy."

"Mmm." She moaned happily and arched her back to push her incredibly firm, heart-shaped derriere into my crotch, eagerly grinding it against me, and to press the swell of her heavy, round, breasts further into my palms so that more of her flesh was caught in my grip.

"I can't help it Blondie-kun. Crazy is just who I am, and you know it's because of my crazy that you like me so much. We complement each other's crazy perfectly. " Anko whined, as her movements grew increasingly needy and frantic, eliciting a groan from me.

"That we're both so crazy makes me want to come for you sooo bad that I just can't help myself! I've never wanted something this much before. I've been with a bunch of guys and none have ever made me feel it so much. I want to mount you and feel you writhe beneath me until you're gasping for air and begging for me to end it. I want to watch your face as it all comes gushing out!" Anko was moaning by this point as her voice went throaty and full of promise.

Her hips were glued to mine as she rolled them lustfully, prompting me to unconsciously rock in time with her rhythm. As she picked up her pace, one of her hands reached between her legs and gently cupped my balls, through my pants, and the other wound through my hair as she gently ran her nails over my scalp.

"Anko-chan." I moaned into her neck as I clung to her to keep myself upright, as her scent and the feel of her rubbing against me had me going weak in the knees. I couldn't help but breath in her scent again and again. She smelled like the sweetness of dango, the sharp bite of steel and oil, and the faintest whiff of salty blood all wrapped up in the overwhelming musk of sex and arousal.

She had me right on the edge and we both knew it. However I knew I would burst soon but maybe not in the way she hoped that I would.

"Call me Anko-nee, Blondie-kun, and I'll make it spurt out of you until you pass out. I'll even lick it all up." She punctuated that offer by speeding up the rocking of her hips and giving my balls a squeeze as she pressed my face into her neck seeming to know how much I enjoyed her scent. "Don't you want to spurt all that stuff inside you all over me?"

I lost it right then.

"Yes. Anko-chan! I want to! I-I'm going to-!" Both of our breathing was ragged and in that moment when I lost myself Anko took advantage in order to spin us around so that my back was against the tree and we were face to face.

"A-n-k-o-nee~" She purred even as she dry humped me, almost frenzied in her desire. She looked so damn sexy and I just couldn't hold out against the wet heat I felt between her thighs even separated by my trousers, her thin, mesh shorts, and whatever underwear she might or might not be wearing.

"Anko-n…" I gasped raggedly before swallowing hard as my eyes started to roll back in my head.

"Yessssss! Yes Blondie-kun!" Anko's voice was raspy with desire and pleasure.

"Anko-nee!" I whispered urgently, uncaring about anything but satisfying the need I felt and the need I saw in Anko's slightly glazed, deranged looking eyes.

With a cry of triumph Anko finished me off and I spurted all over her, drenching her in my fluid and staining her clothes and skin in my color.

Did I mention that she 'finished me off' with a kunai and that what I spurted was blood?

The thought that I really should have seen this coming given her word choice and personality ran through my mind before I burst just like the clone before me, taking my blood and other tragically unspent fluids with me. I told you I knew I would burst soon. I had just hoped it would have been the other fluids before she ended my short life.

Such is the unenviable life of a shadow clone.

The real me had been watching my lucky, I mean pitiable, clone as Anko played with him and couldn't help but release a groan of mixed pleasure and frustration as my pants instantly became 6 sizes too small. Thankfully (?) I didn't spurt any fluids, especially the ones that Anko wanted me to. Others would be more acceptable to me, but I couldn't help but feel this body was still a bit too young as sad as that was. Damn modern American views on the appropriate age to have sex!

However I shook off such macabre thoughts and once again pinned Anko face first to the tree. Though I didn't grope her breasts this time and was a bit rougher than I needed to be in subduing her, but she seemed to like it anyway.

To take the sting out of her absolute defeat I rubbed my tent against her rear as I mocked her. That was totally the reason I did it. It was definitely not that I had a massive erection and had just been blueballed, again. "Once again, you came too soon. Too bad you just aren't patient enough to get through foreplay, or we could have so much fun together. As it is I'll never be able to be satisfied by you."

"Fuck! I thought I had you that time!" Anko screamed in frustration even as she lodged her ass into my crotch. Her words and tone clashed drastically with her body language.

"I never get to make you bleed anymore Blondie-kun." She whined like a kid denied ice cream. "If you weren't so much fun I'd be mad at you."

Taking a moment to think and savor the feeling of being held tightly to me, even if, maybe especially since, she was in a submission hold, Anko rapidly changed her tune. "But you do give me the nicest presents. Like the two munchkins hiding in the trees staring at us. I had so much fun with them, they scream so well and their blood tastes pretty good. Mister-Broods-A-Lot took a while to learn his lesson, but Pinkie pisses herself in fear and I can't help but get aroused as I chase her."

She shuddered at that and I realized she had actually just gotten off. I was so aroused I could hardly think straight or I would have bust out laughing at the fact that Sakura had pissed herself.

"So…where were you last night and this morning?" My sexy, currently in the midst of post orgasm docility, murder-slut asked me while trying to sound as if she were just innocently curious and not as if she resented not being able to find me and use 'her Blondie-kun' as a meat dildo and full-body pillow.

Because that's the reason she wanted to go on missions with me, according to her at least. She had thought that she would have to wait at least a year, but was thrilled that she could now do it much sooner than anticipated.

"Maybe next time Anko-chan." I offered her an empty platitude, knowing that the only times I'll let her make me bleed are when we're sparring or when we're actually about to and/or having sex.

Is that fucked up?

Maybe.

However, boinking with Anko would make it all worthwhile. No matter how much blood I lost.

"And I was seeing another girl. I had to find someone who wouldn't blue ball me and try to kill me." Haku had only tried to kill me after all, not blueball me. "She was a cute little thing who just couldn't keep her hands to herself. So I touched her all over instead and left her blushing and grinning. Afterwards we took the time to get close and talked for a bit. I found out that we have quite a bit in common, and she was a very pleasant person. When I left her she seemed so sad and distressed, but I had to get back here to check up on everything so there was no helping it." There, I told no lies, but what I said was entirely misleading!

Anko froze and I could see the single, infirm gerbil start to hobble on its wheel in the thought bubble above her head. Once again living in an anime is weird and I never knew when something like this would pop up. I stifled my laughter at the universe's way of insulting Anko's intelligence and waited for her to process what I had said.

I didn't have to wait to long before she cried out in indignation. "WHAT!? You spent the night with another woman and not me! Why would you choose another woman over me, your beloved Anko-nee? What did that slut have that I don't? What's her name and what does she look like? I'll hunt her down and ki-I mean have a talk with her about poaching other people's Blondie-kuns!"

Laughing at her reaction I couldn't help but pamper her, as she seemed genuinely upset by my teasing. I released my hold on her and hugged her to me as I nuzzled her neck. "Aww is my Anko-chan jealous? Don't worry. I still think Anko-chan is the best! I can't get enough of her incredibly sexy self."

She huffed in agitation, but leaned back into me, irritably grinding her ass against my arousal to cause me some pain and check that I was telling the truth. As she was doing that I absentmindedly ran my hands over her smooth, taut stomach to help sooth her.

"Are you sure you really feel that way? You still haven't called me Anko-nee in all this time. You won't let me make you bleed anymore. And you haven't bought me dango in FOREVER! Do you not love your Anko-nee anymore?" I could tell Anko was mostly joking, but she was still pouting.

Catching her earlobe between my teeth, I nibbled and suckled it. Causing a delicious shiver to run her through her entire body. "I'll only call you that and let you taste my blood again if we actually get together. Otherwise you'll have to be content with being Anko-chan and one of my precious people. I've never had a family, never known what it's like to have someone care about me no matter what, so you'll have to work hard for what you want and be someone very special to me. More so than anyone else."

I let Anko go and backed up a step, allowing her to turn around and casually drape her arms around my neck. There was still a good chunk of space between us except for her breasts, which were flush with my chest.

"Awww does my Blondie-kun want me to himself that badly? I don't mind having Blondie-kun want to make me his, buuuuuut you'll need to get a bit taller for me to consider it. Though I'm hurt that you don't think of your Anko-nee as family." I could tell that she was actually happy in her own more than slightly insane way even though she put a melodramatic hurt into her voice at the end.

I put my hands on her hips and whispered softly into her ear for only her to hear in my best bedroom voice. "Anko-nee." I met her stunned eyes as they widened in shock, cupping her face I pressed my lips softly to her cheek. As I turned to walk away I let my fingers trail along her jaw until my thumb tugged on her lower lip as my index and middle finger ghosted over her chin.

I didn't look back, but thanks to my clones that were watching, I mean scouting, I saw as she slowly liquefied into a boneless mass of Anko-putty on the forest floor, a wide, glassy-eyed grin on her face reminiscent of most men after they just got extremely lucky.

Little pink hearts were frequently wafting out of the Anko-puddle as she replayed the entire situation in her head, especially how it sounded when I said Anko-nee. The hearts were occasionally accompanied by either a surprisingly girlish sounding giggle or a much more fitting lecherous chuckle that would make the most perverted, old man in existence proud and jealous.

* * *

Back at Tazuna's house Kakashi looked up from his smut, I mean book. "I sense a disturbance in the force. It is familiar, something I have not felt in a long time. Someone will get laid!"

Kakashi then hung his head as a raincloud developed over his head and a tear came to his eye. "I wish I would get laid, it's been a really long time. Is it because I let my skills slip? I'll have to start training seriously again. It couldn't be because I read Icha Icha. No, no, no, no, this isn't smut, it's a masterwork of literature!"

It was because he openly read Icha Icha and his lame excuses when he showed up to dates 3 hours late.

* * *

Somewhere far away in the land of Rice fields, a tall, white-haired, old man with a Hitai-ate proudly displaying the symbol for oil on it broke out into a wide grin and started chuckling perversely as he peeped on women bathing at a bathhouse.

Of course this alerted the women he was peeping on to his presence and he was then summarily beaten to a bloody pulp.

* * *

It wasn't until Sasuke and Sakura had watched Anko for nearly a half an hour that they gathered the courage to venture out of hiding. Sasuke attempted to gain Anko's attention in order to resume training. After failing several times while trying to avoid touching her, as the way she wiggled and twitched in her goo-like form disgusted him, creeped him out, and turned him on.

The emo decided to try poking her with a stick in order to nudge her into awareness. Once she understood what her crush was about to do Sakura let out a terrified 'eep!' and took off running for her life.

Sasuke was able to poke her once before the Anko-puddle rose in a tidal wave of terror and fury backed by many, many furious snakes that were intended for his asshole as punishment.

The screams of the 'last Uchiha' were heard all the way in Gato's hideout and even back in Konoha, provoking shudders of terror. Gato's hired thugs would make sure never to interrupt whatever 'Anko-Blondie-kun Happy Happy Fantasy Time' was.

Hearing the screams, Kurenai was even more curious about and intent upon meeting this 'Blondie-kun' now.

* * *

Hinata paused what she was doing and narrowed her eyes in fury and possessive jealousy. Naruto was HER Blondie-kun, not that she would ever call him such a demeaning nickname. Goshujin-sama was much more fitting.

She would keep their house clean and orderly and when he came home she would greet him in the kitchen with nothing but an apron on. Then she would ask him if he wanted dinner, a bath, or…her? The blush that overtook Hinata melted the ground within 15 feet as steam puffed from her head and she collapsed into the bliss of unconsciousness and her delusions of Naruto.

* * *

Ino relaxed as Hinata froze, blushed, and then fell over. Once she was sure their spar was over she let out a long, pent up breath. For some unknown reason she felt a fierce, competitive spirit boil up within her at the thought of 'Anko-Blondie-kun Happy Happy Fantasy Time'. She didn't know who Anko was exactly, but surely "Naru-Ino Blond-Blonde Happy Happy Fantasy Time' sounded much better to her ear, even if she didn't know why.

* * *

Tenten hesitated in her target practice before becoming pissed off and launching wave after wave of pointy death at the training dummies while muttering about stupid, cocky, insufferable blonds who needed a down to earth girl, with many sharp objects, to keep them in line.

* * *

Kakashi had just gone back to reading his smut after getting over his depression when he was suddenly seized with the feeling that Naruto was indeed a great student. Clenching his fist with tears of pride streaming down his mask Kakashi told Minato's spirit that he could be proud of his son.

Minato's spirit, within the Shinigami, also clenched his fist in pride of his son before a shudder of fear traveled down his ghostly spine as an aura of dread approached him from behind.

Kushina's spirit had her hair flying around in 9 tails and an aura of darkness surrounding her as she beat Spirit Minato within an inch of his afterlife and promised that none of the unworthy, nasty sluts after her son would get to have him. He was hers first and would always be hers!

She was his mother and would protect him from falling into their clutches, even if she had to kick the Shinigami's ass and come back to life to stop them!

* * *

At last the day had come when Kakashi was back to full strength and he figured Zabuza would be making his move either today or tomorrow. So knowing the sequence of events I left a few clones hanging around Tazuna's place to look after Tsunami and Inari and headed for the bridge with the rest of our group.

I left my weights by the house, as I knew I would need every advantage in the battle to come if I was to get the results that I wanted.

Sasuke and Sakura trudged along, twitching spastically every time they heard a noise or caught sight of something out of the corner of their eyes. Although Sasuke seemed to be limping and keeping his ass out of Anko's line of sight more than typically normal.

I had to assume the surgery to remove the pole lodged up there was at least partially successful. However there might be a snake warren in its place.

Anko had decided I was her personal transport and so my head was situated between her thighs as she sat on my shoulders. I wanted to, but I couldn't bring myself to complain or scold her.

I was reading my book on sealing and rubbing my face against the luscious thighs bracketing my head from time to time. And Kakashi was alternating between reading his smut and crying tears of joy and jealousy while looking at me with pride.

As we arrived at the bridge I sent off a platoon of clones to check up on the surprises I set up around the bridge and to play recon for us once the mist rolled in.

It didn't take long for the Mist-Nin to make their move. As mist began to roll in I made another round of clones and had them sweep Tazuna up and prompt Sakura to join them in guarding him.

It was soon after that that Zabuza arrived, or more likely a Zabuza water clone. "I was looking forward to seeing you again Kakashi. We didn't get to finish our fight last time."

"Mmm. You're right. Your little helper swooped in and prevented me from killing you last time." Kakashi threw back with a lazy eye-smile as he reached up and removed his forehead protector. "I'll have to fix that."

"Hahaha! I've seen the limit of your Sharingan, and in this mist you're as good as blind! Give me the bridge builder and I'll let you and your brats leave here alive." Zabuza rumbled with amusement lacing his voice.

"Oh? Is this the shit stain that we need to kill to protect Bridgebuilder-san?" Anko asked in her typical fashion from atop my shoulders. She was refusing to move until the action really started.

"Hah? So you received reinforcements? No matter, she doesn't seem all that strong. In fact I'd say she's as strong as or weaker than that blond brat she's sitting on. So a Chunin or a Tokubetsu Jonin. Is that all the Leaf can afford to send you as aid? How far the mighty have fallen."

"I'll enjoy tasting your blood, Demon-san. Blondie-kun is being stingy and won't let me have any of his, and while yours probably won't be as good, it will do for now." Anko offered her signature crazy-ass-snake-bitch grin and launched herself at Zabuza using me as a springboard.

"Haku, kill the brats!" Zabuza managed to grit out before Anko was on him with a "Hidden Shadow Snake Hands" and a bloodthirsty grin.

She and Kakashi rapidly disappeared into the mist as they battled Zabuza. Leaving Sasuke and me to combat Haku.

"Hi Haku-chan!" I greeted the masked Hunter-Nin with a big grin and an enthusiastic wave.

"You know this guy Dobe?" Sasuke asked me as he kept his gaze locked on the enemy but looked at me from the corner of his eye.

"Yep! Haku-chan and I got very well acquainted. I touched her all over the place and taught her what it means to be a woman." I blithely shot out a totally misleading innuendo.

"Th-that's not what happened at all!" Haku denied with a cute stutter. I could just imagine her face turning red with embarrassment.

I just continued smiling at her and offered a wink. "You got this Uchiha-san? How about I play backup for you?"

"Hn." Came the obvious reply before he took off towards Haku at a decent clip for a Genin, but nothing compared to what Haku could do.

It went just about how it did in canon, except I used clones to soak up most of the damage. I winced every time a senbon hit near Sasuke's vitals, but I needed this to happen for him to get his Sharingan, he would be a royal PITA (pain in the ass) without it.

Even more so than usual if he felt like he wasn't getting strong enough fast enough. I bailed him out of trouble by having clones Kawarimi him out of some of the more dangerous situations.

I stopped helping so obviously once the "Crystal Ice Mirrors" went up, however I did break my way into ending up in them with him once I was sure he had activated his Kekkei Genkai.

"Sasuke." I grabbed his attention by modulating my form of address to the situation. "Pour as much of your chakra as you can spare into me, I have an idea to bust us free of this."

It took a moment for him to acknowledge that he didn't have a better plan and nod in acceptance. As he placed both his hands on my back and directed his chakra into my system I took a kunai covered in his blood and gave it an Anko-esque lick.

10 tails to whoever guesses what I'm after by doing this, followed by 6 paths towards awesome-ville.

Ah, I see some of you get it now!

It will probably take a while to manifest, like it did for a certain reality-illusion confused psycho, but I have a few years to spare. In the meantime I'll just have to work on my base parameters to make sure I'm worthy of the power I should be coming into eventually.

Once I was sure Sasuke had funneled as much chakra as he was willing to give into me I made my move. Quickly surrounding myself with clones I pulled out one of the most powerful, and visually impressive Jutsu I could currently use. "Lightning Style: Oodama Rasengan" The swirling, oversized, high wattage electricity filled, sphere of death took form and I immediately smashed it into the mirror I sensed Haku inside.

The result was spectacular and made me wince at the thought of the damage I had just done to someone as pleasant as Haku. The mirror instantly shattered and Haku was sent flying as she tumbled through the air, blood, spit, skin, and clothes splattering every which way.

She hit the bridge and continued to tumble before coming to a rest, very clearly unable to do much of anything besides moan in pain and spit up some blood.

"Oh SHIT!" I knew that the completed Rasengan (nature transformation) and the Oodama Rasengan were both powerful, but I didn't know that combining them would be so destructive. Especially when I intentionally tried to limit its power. "Haku! Are you okay? I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you so bad, just to break out of your Jutsu."

She laughed a bit and spit up a bit more blood, but not too much so I didn't think her injuries were too severe. It seemed that the mirror had taken the brunt of the damage. "Haaa. Don't apologize Naruto-kun, you were fighting for your precious people weren't you?"

I nodded my head in reply as I set about arranging her so that she was lying down more comfortably. Noticing that her clothes were trashed and having checked and determine that while most of her ribs were broken and the skin of her torso was burned, and even blackened where the tip of the sphere had actually impacted her before I pulled it back and dispersed it, she wasn't in danger of dying as long as she received treatment soon-ish I pulled out a sealing scroll and covered her with a blanket that I gently tucked around her.

"Thank you Naruto-kun, for your kindness. However I must ask that in the name of our friendship…kill me." She asked me with a pained smile.

"Baka." I flicked her forehead; glad the mask had come off after I hit her as I could see her pretty face this way. "You're going to go into some speal about being a tool for Zabuza and how you're worthless now and have no meaning since you can't help him accomplish his goal. Well you're wrong. If you don't live then how can you continue on with his goal? He is willing to fight and die for his goal, and if he dies then you need to survive to complete his goal for him! That's the meaning of helping someone as your precious person as opposed to as your owner."

"I-I…I just want Zabuza-sama to be happy." Haku choked out as tears streamed down her face. She wasn't so pretty when she was crying, but I still couldn't help but smile at her.

"I'll go and try to get them to stop fighting. Gato is on his way with his army of thugs and we'll need to be able to deal with them, so we can't afford anyone to get too injured." I gave her another smile. "I'll try my best to get Zabuza out of this alive, but if he won't listen to me I'm telling you now that I will prioritize my precious people over him." I stared into Haku's eyes to show her my sincerity.

"Thank you Naruto-kun, I know you will do your best. It is more than could be expected from anyone else, so thank you. Thank you." She cried and weakly grasped my hand.

I gave her hand a soft squeeze and brushed a strand of hair from her face before I stood. Sasuke had collapsed to the ground looking like a porcupine as some of my clones came to tend to him.

"I'll be going on. When you're sufficiently recovered you're welcome to join me Uchiha-san." I offered him with a quick, assessing glance.

"Hn. Call me Sasuke, Dobe. What was that Jutsu?" Huh. It seems like I had finally gained the grudging respect of Sasuke 'emo-duckbutt' Uchiha, but now he wanted or wanted to know where I got my 'power'.

"It's a Jutsu I invented by myself, but it's a bit chakra intensive. Hence why I had you top me off with yours." Technically true. "Maybe I'll show you a thing or two if you want to train together sometime when we get back to the village." Without waiting for a reply I took off into the mist, leaving my clones to look after Sasuke and the injured Haku.

Man, I really needed to get my chakra control up to the level that I can do Medical Ninjutsu. I feel really bad about hurting Haku so badly, even if it was on accident and I was trying to hold back the Jutsu's strength.

But those were thoughts for later. For now I had to focus on preventing Bakakashi and Anko from killing Zabuza and then taking out Gato's ghastly group of goons.

What? No I didn't take the time to think of an alliteration to use to refer to them!

Alright I did, but it was so much better than calling them Gato's thugs.

Anyway!

I swiftly came upon the pitched combat of my 'sensei' (?), I supposed Kakashi qualified now that he had taught me the Chidori. Nah, he'll have to teach me more than that to get me to stop making fun of him!

As for Anko…well…I suppose she has been trying to teach me. Even if it's only stuff that she wants to. Mostly explicit, adult things and death tag if I'm being honest. Not that I mind! I just think my body is a little too young! Even if my 'thing' is bigger than most adults' and reacts to her as if I was an adult, but that's not the point, I'm still too young.

For now…

Kakashi was looking slightly better than last time they fought, but was still drooping slightly from the chakra expenditure. Man he was really out of shape from all the moping he did in front of the monument for the dead. But other than that he was fine, so I focused on checking Anko for injuries.

She had not been so fortunate as Kakashi. Which made sense, seeing as she wasn't nearly as strong and was quite a bit more rash than he was.

Small cuts and bruises covered her body, ruining her outfit and pushing her already questionable fashion sense even further towards outright indecency.

Her trench coat was shredded and had lost most of its length, only barely covering the tops of her thighs and riding up to reveal her mesh covered ass and her holy grail! I guess her miniskirt had been lost somewhere in the fighting, as nothing was covering her lower half but skintight, mesh shorts, and the barest fraction of her coat.

However together they barely managed to cover just enough to tantalize the imagination yet not reveal everything.

Wait! That's not what I should be focusing on right now!

Her mesh bodysuit had many gashes cut into it, most exposed only small cuts or unblemished skin, but a few revealed more serious injuries. Her state was really showing the difference in power between her and Zabuza, he was a strong Jonin and she was a Tokubetsu Jonin who specialized in T&I.

It was obvious that he was superior to her in open combat, but she was being dumb and wasn't taking a supporting role towards Kakashi like she should have been.

I showed up just in time to stop her from losing even more clothes and/or possibly her entrails.

"Ugh!" I grunted as my wind chakra laced kunai clashed with Zabuza's fucking big-ass-cleaver-sword. I managed to hold my ground and only get pushed back a few feet as I kept my Sexsei (sexy sensei?) from getting skewered.

"Hey now." I ground out as our blades ground against one another, his slowly pushing down on mine, but also subtly starting to be cut by my chakra. "Don't you know it's rude to make moves on another man's girl? Especially Anko-chan, she can't resist it when some one wants inside her."

"Um…what?" Zabuza and Kakashi responded simultaneously with anime sweat-drops on their temples.

Anko just tilted her head and grinned shamelessly at me, beaming with glee at me calling her my girl. "Ah! Blondie-kun! You want to join in too? I was having some trouble handling him, his sword is just too big for me."

Shaking my head in (mock?) exasperation I looked back at Zabuza who was looking at Anko like she was a puzzle that made no sense. "See what I mean? One minute she tells my friends that she and I are going to get married, the next she fondles me until I'm about to blow as she tries to kill me, and the next she tries to have me call her Nee-chan while getting me off. And as kinky as she is, I don't like finding some other guy trying to strip her naked and penetrate her insides with his sword! That's a recipe for broken hearts, shattered dream, and herpes."

Once again Kakashi and Zabuza spoke in tandem. "…You're really going to phrase it like that? We're trying to kill each other."

"Oh so now you're going to use the 'It isn't what it looks like' excuse?" I continued on, pretending to be angry, like a guy walking in on his friend sleeping with his girlfriend. "I come here from looking after Haku for you," I point a finder at Zabuza, who at this point is thoroughly confused, "and I find you going at it with my Anko-chan! And you!" I whirl on Kakashi as I disengage from Zabuza and create space between us.

"Me?" The Sharingan wielding Jonin pointed at himself in surprise.

"Yes you!" I shouted, my face turning red from the effort to keep up the charade and not burst out laughing at the shock and fear displayed on Kakashi's face despite his mask. "I left you to look after her and look what happened. She's hardly decent, prancing around without a care in the world and looking like she's been going at Zabuza's sword for hours. What did you just sit around and wank off while watching them?"

"Well, no. I-" Kakashi looked abashed as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

Cutting him off I continued on. "Oh? So you are not arguably the strongest ninja here, and definitely the strongest from Konoha?" I paused and looked at him expectantly.

"Well, yes. I-" Kakashi tried to get out, looking confused and slightly ashamed.

Cutting him off again, I continued on. I was having so much fun messing with everyone, and the longer I stalled the more likely that Gato would show up to double-cross Zabuza. "So why was Anko the one engaging him? Shouldn't you have been distracting him and helping to keep her away from his sword? This is why I call you Bakakashi you id-"

My train of thought was completely derailed by the deadly attack launched at me from behind. Twin weapons impacted my back as arms reached around my neck and grabbed hold firmly; ready to end my life at a moments notice.

Kakashi merely sagged in depression as he muttered. "That name again, huh?"

"Awww did I make my poor, little, Blondie-kun jealous by playing with another guy's sword?" Anko teased as she pushed her twin weapons further into my back. I could just feel her gin without even looking at her.

"Maybe just a little." I pouted, doing my best to imitate an anime tsundere character caught in a dere moment.

"Poor Blondie-kun, having to watch his Anko-nee play with another man's sword. That's what you get when you spend your nights with other girls instead of me. But I promise I'll make it up to you! And don't worry that all you have is a tiny, little kunai and he has a big, thick sword. What really matters is how you use it! And I'm sure you'll have a big ol' sword for me to play with in the future too." As she blithely destroyed my manhood in front of two badass ninja (and hundreds of readers), I slumped in misery and would have crouched down to draw squiggles on the ground as rainclouds thundered above me, if she hadn't been holding me in place.

"Hmppppppshshshsh." Zabuza rasped as his shoulders shook violently, before he burst out into peals of laughter. "Did she just insult his choice of weapon, and his manhood while promising to make it up to him for fighting me?"

"That…" Kakashi rubbed the back of his head again, not knowing what else to do in this situation. "That seems to be exactly what happened."

"Ah right, Zabuza-san." I called for his attention from within Anko's embrace. Even if she was insulting me, being held by a woman as attractive and 'developed' as her was not something I would turn down. "Now that I broke the tension of the fight, I wanted to tell you the Haku was defeated without dealing us any overly serious injuries."

The Demon of the Mist started at that and looked to be about to say something before I continued talking over whatever it was he wanted to say. "And now that you are thoroughly out gunned. Even you have to admit that you can't take on Kakashi of the Sharingan, a Tokubetsu Jonin, and someone that is at Chunin or an even higher level all at once. So why don't we take a break from trying to kill one another until Gato gets here to betray you, then we can all join forces, kill him and his thugs, and we can all walk away happy? You can take what he promised to pay you and a bonus and we can complete our mission and help the Wave's economy with the rest of the money."

Stabbing his sword into the wood of the bridge, Zabuza crossed his arms and seemed to think about my words. "No." He said slowly, drawing out the word as if in deep thought. Shaking his head he continued on with more confidence. "Even if what you say about him betraying me is true, I still have my pride as a shinobi. And if I were to betray my client then it would become even harder for a Missing-Nin like me to get jobs. No, we'll have to fight, at least until Gato arrives. That is, if he is really going to betray me." As he talked Zabuza started blurring through hand seals.

"Besides." His hand seal speed increased as he tensed, ready to make his move. All this happened in an instant, allowing me to only scoop up Anko and jump away from my current position, narrowly avoiding his attack. "Apparently I owe you for 'looking after Haku for me'. I can't have someone ruining my tools and thinking they can get away with it!"

"Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu" With his hand seal sequence finished he launched a missile of water 'dragony' doom at me. Once again, it was only because I had started moving when he first started to form his seals that Anko and I escaped unscathed; such was the speed with which he formed them. If I wasn't about to be killed I would have been impressed.

"Well." I said to myself, and Anko. "That didn't work out quite how I'd hoped."

"Mmm." Anko agreed as she wiggled happily in my arms as I carried her from danger, bridal style. "Blondie-kun carrying me through the threshold of our new home. I have to be a wife now, bringing home the bacon, but only after the wedding night. Ufufufufufu, the things I'm going to do to Blondie-kun. First he'll make us dinner, dango of course, then I'll get to have him for dessert! Ohhhh, I could cover him in bacon too! Or maybe chocolate syrup, honey, or whipped cream? Nah, has to be dango!"

Somehow I got the feeling that her scenario was all turned around from the norm. However her delusions continued unabated by my high-speed movement and the present, life-threatening danger we faced. "I'll be gentle the first time, but after that I'll milk him until he can't walk the next day! Then I'll be able to come home to dango and my own Blondie-kun in nothing but an apron for the rest of my life, muhuhuhu. And he'll stay at home taking care of the little gakis and when they're old enough I'll teach 'em how to maim, murder, and fuck whatever they want. Fucking comes last gakis, and I'll murder any sluts that come around for my little blond boy gakis. After they visit T&I, ufufufufu."

I felt my cheek cramp at her description of our future, causing a tick mark to appear on my head. However pinching her butt, it was either that or her boob, as it was the only thing I could reach while carrying her this way, resulted in an extremely erotic noise of satisfaction and a spray of liquid wetting my fingers. "Unnnnnggghhhh! B-Blondie-koi, moooooore!"

My eyes damn near popped out of my head.

Did she…Did she really just orgasm in the middle of a battle from a pinch to her ass, while fantasizing about being married to me and torturing the girlfriends of our future sons?

I-I really don't know how to feel about this. I mean 'little Naruto' is super excited, but even he knows that now is not the time!

"Oi Anko-chan!" I yelled, kind of freaked out by the thought that maybe, just maybe Anko really did like me as much as she pretended to. Or maybe it wasn't pretending or teasing. Wasn't only teasing I amended my thought, some of it definitely was teasing. Not to mention that she liked me enough to zone out and have an erotic fantasy in the middle of a battle just because I was carrying her bridal style!

Also I needed her to focus on the here and now, where we had an extremely skilled shinobi trying to separate us from our important organs. Kakashi was trying to shield us, but carrying her as I was, I wasn't quite fast enough to do more than escape imminent death by a hair.

"Hmm? Ah, Blondie-koi is it time to send the gakis to school already? Not today, wake me up once they're gone and then we can play~" Anko blinked her hazy eyes as she began to return from her most recent delusion.

"Anko-chan! You need to wake the HELL up right now!" I screamed in her ear, finally having had enough and growing annoyed with her carelessness when our lives were literally on the line.

"Geez Blondie-kun, I'm awake, no need to yell." She whined petulantly while rubbing her ear, but looked much more awake.

"Daydream later! Fight the pissed off Mist Jonin now!" I shot back at her in an annoyed and slightly frantic tone as I dodged that big-ass sword again and felt it clip my armor, leaving a decent furrow in it.

"Oh! Right!" Was her reply as she flung herself out of my arms by kicking off my chest and shooting straight at Zabuza, snakes and kunai already flying.

Stumbling back and slightly winded from the force of her surprising kick and my frantic 'running-for-our-lives' I took a moment to catch my breath. Watching as Kakashi and Anko wove in-between each other as they engaged the Mist-Nin in a never-ending circle, exploiting any weakness in his guard to score a hit.

I didn't know if it was the brief respite I gave them, or the fact that they were trying to show their best side because I was here, but both Kakashi and Anko seemed to be doing much better against the Demon than before I arrived. Zabuza was wracking up a growing number of wounds, both minor and more serious.

Dodging, blocking, attacking, and dodging again Zabuza began to lag as he was faced with two opponents and the potential of a third joining in at any time. The situation seemed to be wearing on him.

Figuring I had recovered enough, I sprinted back into the fray dual wielding two kunai with wind chakra edges. I took advantage of Zabuza being distracted for a moment by Kakashi to lacerate his kidney and rush back out of range.

Zabuza bellowed in pain and rage as blood gushed from his side and mouth, staining the white cloth covering his face red. "I'll kill you, you BRAT!"

Ducking under a wild swing, driven by his mounting fury, Anko landed another cut on Zabuza's left leg. However she missed anything truly vital, as she had to throw herself away to avoid the return of the giant blade.

The fight dragged on in the manner of wolves taking down a bear. Zabuza was unable to use a technique powerful enough to take us down as there were too many of us and not enough time between our attacks, and while Kakashi was strong enough to beat him straight up, we didn't want to risk getting injured by confronting him directly.

So we focused on wearing him down.

Our strategy went well. We had dealt a massive amount of damage to our opponent, even if most of it was superficial, each wound cost him blood and pain.

However, it is said that an injured animal is at its most dangerous.

I suppose I had gotten cocky, thinking things would stay the same and that we could bleed Zabuza into submission until Gato arrived. I had forgotten that whether it was the world, or Kishimoto (KAMI DAMN HIM!), things seemed to like fucking with Naruto.

Hence things liked to fuck with me.

The only warning we received was the widening of his eyes and an aura of savage glee as in an instant Zabuza blew Kakashi away with his sword. And instead of attacking either Anko or me, he blew past us heading for something I hadn't seen.

Turning to follow him, I saw what he was after even as my heart froze in my chest. For standing there, new, ruby eyes wide in shock as they showed him what was coming, while his body couldn't do anything to change it, was none other than Uchiha Sasuke.

I didn't have time to think, didn't have time to yell or scream about how unfair the world was, or to warn the idiot to get away. I only had time to do one thing.

I wrapped myself in chakra and applied a nature transformation, turning it into the lightning natured chakra. I hadn't perfected this technique yet, but if Sasuke was to live then I didn't have any other choice other than to use it and hope. Nor did I have any time for doubts or thoughts of consequences.

Suddenly I had both no time, and all the time in the world. As my eyes flicked around I took in everything, from Anko's surprised face, and wide eyes, to the snakes being launched from her sleeve. I noticed as Kakashi's eyes widened in terror for his student even as he bolted towards Zabuza with the hand seals for Raikiri slowly forming in front of him. He would be far too late. I noticed how each of my muscles twitched and my heart beat heavily in my chest.

Then I pushed off the bridge. I noticed how it gave way beneath my foot and how there was the beginnings of a cloud of shattered splinters forming as I sped away, towards Sasuke and his impending death.

I noticed as the Kubikiribocho slowly inched towards my stuck-up teammate's neck. I noticed that I was moving too fast for his newly awoken Sharingan to track.

I noticed that I would not get there in time and strained myself to move even faster. I noticed as the muscles in my legs began to tear and agony accompanied every step. I reached out my hand to push Zabuza away from Sasuke, sure he was a dick but he didn't deserve to die for it.

I noticed that I would make it and felt my lips stretch into a smile. I was so close. So close to making this all turn out well, so close to saving Haku and Zabuza and helping the bloodline rebellion.

So close to making a new friend and paving the way for an alliance between our two nations, one that would help everyone involved. So close to having Gato arrive and ending this without unnecessary death.

I noticed as my hand impacted Zabuza's back. He was swinging his blade from the right, so I was aiming for that side, to push him past Sasuke. So that he hit the Uchiha with the handle or his arm instead of the blade.

I noticed when my plan worked better than I had intended. Zabuza and I went flying passed Sasuke without touching him, my momentum and sheer speed taking us farther than I intended because of my inexperience with this technique and the force of impact.

I noticed when my plan fell apart around me, nothing like I had intended.

I noticed that my hand wasn't on Zabuza's back. I noticed that the skin around where I had touched was burned black even as I pulled back, ripping my hand from inside his chest.

I noticed how I had left a hole, cauterized and seared black, in the shape of a hand. My hand, each finger defined in his flesh, outstretched as if to say stop. I noticed that I could see right through the hole to the other side.

I noticed as the blood splashed against my face, chest, and hand as I ripped it from his body. I noticed as it evaporated in the storm of lightning that surrounded me.

I didn't notice the look of shock on my face, or the numbness that was spreading out from my chest. I didn't even notice when I dropped the Lightning Style Chakra Armor.

I couldn't take my eyes off of the figure of Zabuza, barely able to stand and using his sword as a crutch to keep himself on his feet.

Blood shot out of him in hacking coughs as his body tried to deal with the sudden loss of a lung and ribs, the jolt from electrocution, and so, so much electrical, burn damage.

Kakashi was suddenly by my side; Raikiri in is hand and eyes almost comically wide. It would have gotten a laugh from me in just about any other situation, but not here, not now that all of my hopes and plans were crashing down.

How was I going to tell Haku? Tell her that I killed her reason to exist? That I took away her 'precious person' in order to save a guy I didn't even like?

I knew I was in shock, not because I killed again, but because of who and how I killed him. I knew that even though he wasn't dead yet, he would be soon.

"Holy shit!" Anko whispered nearly reverently as she came up beside me. "What the fuck was that?"

"The Lightning Chakra Cloak used by the Raikages of Kumo." Kakashi numbly answered as he continued to gaze at Zabuza.

"Holy Shit!" Anko repeated herself. "Where the fuck did you learn something like that Blondie-kun? And why haven't you shown it to me before?" Her customary, psychotic enthusiasm was breaking through her shock and any respect she held for a dying opponent.

"B-Because it's not done yet, and could be slightly…dangerous." I finished weakly while looking at Zabuza's pitiful, yet still prideful form.

Short, hacking laugher came from the dead man standing before us. "Dangerous he says. He killed me without even meaning to and he calls it slightly dangerous. Damn it, the guys down in Hell are going to take me for a joke because of this. Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Hidden Mist, taken down by a mere Genin. On accident."

I wanted to apologize, to explain what I was trying to do, but it seemed he already knew. Even when he was going to kill my ally, I had tried not to kill him.

It was obvious really.

If I had been trying to kill him the wound would be on his left side. He was far too distracted by pain, blood loss, and the opportunity to wreck our composure by murdering one of our comrades to stop me, dodge, or even notice my attack.

So I kept silent in honor of the man before me. In honor of what he represented, what he had done, and what his death would mean. However, I did have something I could say to ease his burden.

"I swear that I will become a name that is respected and feared throughout the Elemental Nations." I swore to the Demon, steadfast in my conviction. "I will become a horror story to my enemies and a legend to my allies, and they will say that it was Momochi Zabuza who started me on that path. Besides that, I won't let Haku lose herself. I'll make sure she accomplishes your goal. That she helps the bloodline rebels in your stead and becomes a kunoichi you'd be proud to call comrade."

"Ah." Zabuza sighed, as if coming to an understanding that had been eluding him. "So that's why you were so adamant about wanting us to survive. You knew."

"Yes, I knew." I could only nod, even if he wasn't looking at me.

With a groaning bellow Zabuza managed to lift his sword and turn to face us before replanting it in the wooden boards of the bridge. He was left panting for breath and spitting up blood, but somehow remained standing.

"So." His grim eyes bore into me. "What is the name of the man who sends me to Hell?"

"Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage of the Leaf, Inheritor of the Will of Fire, Student of Kakashi of the Sharingan, and Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune." I met his icy gaze with my own burning one, showing him that my promise was real and that I had what it took to live up to my words.

"I see. Good. I can live with being killed by a man like that." Zabuza said in a light tone and smiled at me, or at least I would like to think that he did.

"Ahhh Zabuza, you seem to be in a bit of a predicament!" The obnoxious, gloating voice of the insufferable worm named Gato floated through the mist. Of course he showed up now of all times, once my plans had been thoroughly ruined.

"So you were right, huh brat?" Zabuza said as he hauled himself upright. "Kakashi, Naruto…Snakebitch." He addressed us, but seemed to forget Anko's name prompting her to cuss a blue-streak at him.

"I'd like to call a truce as I no longer have a reason to fight against you." Then he fixed his gaze on me. "Uzumaki Naruto. Watch me. Look upon me as I fight to my last, unto death. Watch my determination to see my goals, my ambitions, become reality! Then when I fall. Pick up my blade and carry it with you, so all may know that it was you and not some unknown scum who slew Momochi Zabuza. The Demon of the Hidden Mist!"

With that he launched himself into the midst of Gato's horde, slashing, chopping, and swinging his blade with all his might. Men were cleaved like melons as Zabuza fought without restraint or care. Even as Gato called for his head and promised larger and larger rewards for claiming it. Even as the wounds piled up on his battered form.

For what were injuries or wounds to one such a he? What was a wound of the flesh to a dead man?

I kept my eyes on him. I trained them on his form and soaked up every moment, every movement, and every form he went through as he performed his last dance with his blade. I memorized it all, carved it deep into my brain and my very soul.

When Anko made to go join in, I held her back even as Kakashi did the same with Sasuke. She glanced questioningly at me before subsiding and waiting impatiently.

It was only after he had cut a swath of destruction through their ranks and claimed Gato's head, as the worm had screamed and cried like a stuck pig, that the Demon collapsed to his knees. His body was littered with gaping wounds and weapons of all shapes were sticking out from him like some kind of a demented porcupine.

The thugs crowded around him, gathering courage from numbers and his dismal appearance. However as they pushed close enough he roared to his feet and took the heads off of those within the reach of his blade as he made his final stand, thundering his rage and denial to the world.

When he finally went down for the last time, his body hardly had any blood left to leak through the rents in his flesh. His labored breath grew harsher and harsher even as it grew weaker and weaker.

It was then that I allowed Anko free reign to sweep up the scattered, pitiful remnants of Gato's army of thugs while I approached the man whose sword I would wield from this day forth. The man in whose shadow I would walk until I was tall enough to cast even him in my shadow.

I knelt down before him. "Zabuza-san." I called softly, trying to claim his attention one last time before he left this world.

"Heh, did you watch gaki? Did you see?" Came the weak, strangled reply.

"Yes Zabuza-san. I watched the entire time. I saw it all." I responded in an equally quiet voice.

"Good. Take it; take Kubikiribocho, the Decapitating Carving Knife, The Executioner's Blade. Take it Uzumaki Naruto, along with the name that I give you. Carry both in memory of me and carry them into legend, The Executioner's Blade and Konoha's Golden Storm."

"Thank you Zabuza-san. Now rest, all will be well." I gently took the sword from where it lay impaling the bridge in front of him.

"Take care of Haku." He bit out, his breath rattling in his ruined chest. "Take…care…of…my…daught-errrrrrrrr." His last words trailed off into his death sigh as his eyes slipped closed and a Demon, a father, became no more. Only a lump of cold unmoving flesh hidden in the mist.

Standing up I shouldered my new blade and ghoulishly took its sheath and holder off of Zabuza's desecrated body. For we were ninja, and he would no longer need it.

* * *

Kakashi watched as his student, his favorite student if he was honest, scavenged the sheath of his new sword off of a man's fresh corpse. Naruto took only a minute to adjust it for his smaller size and then attached the blade to his back. Kakashi felt that even if the blade was more sideways than vertical on his student's childish form, even if it dwarfed him in size, there was no one that would be able to laugh at Naruto for it.

No one could have even mustered up a comment on how ridiculous the whole thing should have looked because to all who saw it in that moment the bloodstained blade looked like it belonged more, resting on Naruto's back, than it ever had in Zabuza's hands.

As his student slipped back towards them, casually walking over the gruesome dead, he glanced at Sasuke and Anko. Sasuke had retrieved what kunai he had used and was trying hard not to be jealous over Naruto's new weapon while also attempting to process just how close he had come to death, and that he would have died without Naruto's intervention. Not to mention dealing with his own first kills.

Anko was starring at his blond student, but instead of her usual lecherous demeanor, something else was showing through. Oh there was a tinge of her customary lust and lewdness in the hint of a grin unformed on her lips, but the gleam in her eyes was more speculative, discerning, and hungry than he was used to seeing there. Regarding anything but dango.

* * *

Of course it would be right as everything finished that the villagers and Inari showed up, armed with whatever tools the could scrounge up and ready to fight for their freedom. I offered them a tired smile that may have been fraying at the edges, and thanked them for being brave and willing to support us and fight for their freedom and country. Strolling back over I picked up Gato's head and held it aloft as if it was a trophy and loudly declared that Wave was free! They all broke into cheers and celebration, even surrounded by death as they were.

After that I wandered off, having my clones retrieve Zabuza's body and move Haku to Tazuna's house. When I was sure that Haku would be cared for I sent off my clones to retrieve all the unneeded explosive notes I had placed on the bridge, just in case, and begin to both repair and advance the work on it as much as possible. More clones were sent to find Gato's hideout and ransack the place.

Other than that, I took to avoiding everyone and practicing with my new blade through use of shadow clones. As for me, I went for pounding myself into the ground through physical workouts after retrieving my weights and upping them again.

I only took the time to go into town to eat, or occasionally stop in at Tazuna's to see everyone and let them know that I was alright. Not to mention to drop off much of the money that I had liberated from Gato's hideout, I squirreled some of it away for my own purposes. That really helped to jump start the economy and had all the people in Wave in extremely good moods.

Well, everyone who wasn't a ninja. In addition, Inari seemed to have taken me as his idol, and put me up on the pedestal of 'Hero'.

Hah, what a joke. We're shinobi, hired killers. That's what I told him, but I still thought of myself as a hero, the hero of this story. Naruto! A great adventure. Sure there would be some death and killing, but I could prevent anything really bad from happening because I was the main character! The Hero!

I was, I knew I was. At least I was supposed to be. I had to be for things to turn out right in the end. However, I couldn't help but think that if this was the price of being the hero that I didn't want it. I didn't want to be the hero or the villain, demon, whatever it would be in the future. Life was easier when there was no pressure, no one counting on you, no one to let down, let die, or kill.

I'd rather be like Zabuza. I'd rather just be a shinobi, a hired killer. However I couldn't be like that. That way led madness and an early grave. That way led to Madara and Obito and Nagato and Kaguya and the end of the world, as everyone knew it.

So I would need to be the hero. And that meant I would need to be stronger. Stronger than anyone. I had made good strides in the time I had been given, but it wasn't enough. Orochimaru was coming soon, and I wasn't strong enough to face him yet. I needed to train harder and longer. I needed to get so strong that even Nagato as the 6 Paths of Pain was nothing but an annoyance.

And I would.

I would also drag anyone I cared about with me into strength, whether they wanted to go or not. Because even if I was the Hero, I couldn't be everywhere at once. So they would have to be strong enough to take care of themselves and stay alive until I got to them. Anyone who wanted to be close to me would need to be strong enough to stand up to the future enemies I would face.

They would need to be S-Rank.

* * *

Anko came by on the third day to check on me. She didn't attack me, or do anything crazy or lewd that she might normally do. Instead she just sat there and watched me for hours. Finally I paused and walked over to sit next to her. My shirt was off and I was soaked with sweat, my clones were in the same state as they swung around the giant-blade-of-metal-death with ever increasing ease and skill.

"Do you have a goal or a dream Anko-chan?" I broke the silence between us.

Perhaps she was able to sense that I was serious and had no patience for her usual antics, because Anko responded sincerely. "I want to kill my old sensei and remove his taint from the world…and me."

"Then you'll need to be strong Anko-chan. Much stronger than you are now. Orochimaru won't go to Hell easily." I looked her in the eye, as hers widened in surprise, and made my resolution clear. "I'm going to become strong, much stronger than even your old sensei. So if you really want to be around me, in whatever sense, whether as a friend, as family, or a lover. You'll need to get strong enough to fight on par with people like Orochimaru. There are people out there even stronger than him, and one day I'll be standing among them. However they will eventually come for me, for the Kyuubi."

She was shocked that I had brought up the Kyuubi I could see that clearly. However she was not surprised by the fact that I held it inside me. "I see." She nodded her head slowly, eyes going hazy in thought.

"That's why I'd like for you to train with me or at least in any way you so choose. I want you to really work to get stronger. From what I know you were hailed as a prodigy, which is why your ex-sensei took an interest in you in the first place. I know his…mark…interferes with channeling chakra, but you can still work on your physical aspects. I will help you wherever and in anyway I can. And in the meantime, I'm working on something to try and get rid of that mark, or at least neutralize it and its effects." I laid everything out as clearly as I could. Then I offered her some encouragement and maybe a bit of hope for the future in the form of my Fuinjutsu research.

I expected everything from jokes to swearing to violence. What I did not expect was to be swamped into a real, genuine hug. "Thank you." Anko buried her face into my neck, overcome with emotion at the thought of having her curse-mark removed. Her body quivered with the effort of suppressing her emotions.

"You're welcome." Was my only reply as I rubbed her back and stroked her hair. We sat like that for a while before Anko left and I returned to my training.

* * *

Like that a week passed and the bridge was complete. It was time for us to return to Konoha.

It was also time for me to face something I had put off until now. I would have to confront Haku. She would obviously know that I had killed Zabuza by now, but I had no idea how she would react.

She would most likely hate me, spit on me, call me a liar, and maybe even vow to kill me as vengeance one day.

However a small, naïve, dare I say it 'retard Naruto' part of me hoped that she would understand. And even if she could not forgive me, that she could continue on with her life and complete Zabuza's dream before forging a dream of her own.

An even smaller part of me hoped she was still too injured to move about, and that I wouldn't have to face her.

Coward.

I decided then and there that I would face her even then. Even if I could get away without seeing her, I wouldn't. It was the very least that I owed her.

So it was that I approached Tazuna's house and made my way inside for breakfast that I saw Haku for the first time in a week.

She looked bad. I mean she looked awful. Truly, horribly, bad. Her eyes were shadowed, red, and puffy from crying. Her nose was rubbed red and raw from the unceasing wiping, and blowing from the flowing snot her crying produced. Her skin was pale and had an unhealthy sheen of sweat from the pain of her injuries, and her hair was lank and lifeless.

But looking into her eyes was the worst. I didn't see a person looking back out of them.

"Haku-ch…san. We need to talk. I have put this off for too long using excuses like 'your health' and that I 'was busy'." I spoke calmly and authoritatively in an effort to keep myself from running away in my guilt.

No words were issued from her, just a hollow stare and the barest hint of a nod.

Taking that as my signal I went and unceremoniously kicked everyone from Tazuna's house for the next half hour. To my surprise they all went without a fuss.

"So." I looked for a place to begin, but could find no good way to say that I killed her mentor, father figure, and precious person. So I just went ahead in the most Naruto way of all and said it. "I was the one who killed Zabuza-san." I paused and swallowed regretfully, not able to meet Haku's eyes. "I was trying to hold out and stall until Gato showed up and betrayed him because he wouldn't stop until that happened. However…Sasuke showed up before that could happen."

I took a pause, waiting and listening for any reaction. Hearing none but the pained breathing in front of me I continued with my retelling. "Zabuza-san spotted him first and was going to behead him. I-I used a Jutsu that I hadn't perfected yet to try to stop him by pushing him away from Sasuke. However, I underestimated the power of the Jutsu and I ended up wounding Zabuza-san grievously. It was only then that Gato showed up."

I looked at the ceiling bitterly. "It figures that I would be the one to crush my hopes, plans, and dreams. If only I could have stalled for just a few minutes more…But I couldn't and Zabuza-san and you paid the price for my inability. After that I promised Zabuza-san that I would become a man and a shinobi worthy to have killed him. He told me to watch him and afterwards to take his sword as proof of my beating him."

I released a shaky breath and studied the ceiling some more. There were many interesting grains in the wood and a few worrisome cracks. "His-his final words were to take care of you. To take care of his daughter."

Finally I heard something other than breathing from the other person in the house. Harsh, body-wracking sobs tore their way out of her. "Z-Zabuza-sama! T-Tou-san!" She cried.

I couldn't move. I wanted to comfort her. To take her in my arms and tell her that it would be okay, that everything would turn for the better. However I couldn't, not after I had been the one to cause her so much pain. I didn't have the right.

"He wanted you to continue on with his dream. His goal. He wanted you to help support the bloodline rebellion and become a strong kunoichi that he could be proud to call a comrade when he met you again." I pulled out a scroll and laid it on the table in front of her. "That is two times the amount that Gato promised you for this job. I know that it will never be enough for what you have lost, but I hope that it helps fulfilling his dream. And I am truly sorry for having caused you so much pain, it was never my intention and I would change it if I could. But I can't, and I never will be able to. I just…I never meant to hurt you. The worst part is that I killed him for a comrade whose loyalty I'm unsure of."

We sat there after that. We sat in the silence as she cried and sobbed and I stared at the ceiling, engraving the sound of heartbreak into my mind and using it to steel my resolve.

Eventually everyone returned and we ate. Everyone else snuck concerned or worried glances at the sobbing girl on the couch. Everyone but me.

Eventually it was time to leave, and as we turned to walk out the door a weak, hoarse voice called out. "Naruto."

I froze. Then I turned back and met Haku's eyes. They had life in them when they met mine. And if that life seemed to be more than a little focused on my existence or possibly the thought of ending it? I couldn't help but feel that was alright and a little happy that she had found a reason to live.

"I will achieve his dream." It was a statement of fact, nothing more and nothing less. I nodded in acknowledgement of such. "I will become a kunoichi that he would be proud to stand beside in combat as a comrade, not a tool." Another fact, another accepting and acknowledging nod. "Only then will I call in the debt that you owe me. I know not what I will do when we meet again, but prepare yourself for that day."

It seemed she had used up all of her strength as she sagged back into the cushions of the couch. I looked at her one final time and gave her another firm nod as one ninja to another. "I will wait for that day. Be it a year or a millennia, I will remain in waiting until you appear before me again and the burden in your heart is released in whatever fashion you deem is necessary." At this point my eyes turned fierce and my gaze smoldered with resolve and purpose. "However, at that time you will be standing before Uzumaki Naruto. Known as Konoha's Golden Storm. The slayer of The Demon of the Hidden Mist, S-Rank Shinobi, and a man who will be revered by his allies and dreaded by his enemies. Know this, carve it into your heart and mind and prepare for that day. For I owe him no less."

Not waiting for a reply I turned my back and exited the house. Retrieving my sword from where it leaned beside the door, I marched past my teammates, sensei, and whatever Anko counted as, and headed directly for the newly finished bridge.

The citizens of Wave saw us off with much ado, and we waved and smiled back at them. Well, all of us but Sasuke. But he doesn't count anyway.

* * *

As we left some of my left over clones that were clearing out any left over thugs heard a discussion about the name of the bridge. It ended up being The Great Naruto Bridge, just as in canon. I couldn't help but laugh darkly when the clones dispelled and I was hit by that knowledge. The Great Naruto Bridge, huh?

Well I wasn't great. Yet. But I supposed it was a fitting name, as I would be. And while I knew that I would have eventually been strong even without this extra motivation, as I had the Hax no Jutsu after all, I would be even greater now.

And it had all started thanks to a battle that took place on that bridge. So yes, the name was a well-chosen one. Even if they didn't know that they chose it for the wrong reasons.

* * *

Finally we were leaving Wave, mission complete. Even if it did not go the way I had hoped it would, it was done with now. And now I had a new goal, a new determination, and a new realization.

There was a cost to being the Hero. And while I didn't like paying that cost, I could do it. I would have to do it, as there was no one else. There was only me.

Uzuamaki Naruto, future Hokage, future S-Rank Ninja, Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune.

The Golden Storm.

* * *

And there it is.

Thanks go out to everyone who reviewed, messaged me, favorited, or followed the story.

Everything is motivation for me, but being able to read your thoughts and support or even your critiques helps motivate me so much more. So thank you again for the devoted fanfiction readers who have stuck around to read my story when I finally get around to releasing it into the interwebs.

Canon continues to be Curb Stomped by Shadow Clones.

To cut off any complaints, stats aren't exactly the be-all-end-all of who wins in a fight.

However they are a decent indicator of you overall capability and power as a Shinobi.

Most stats will be taken from Kishimoto's OFFICIAL wiki/Infobox

* * *

Love it?

Hate it?

Have an idea how I could improve the story or the reading experience?

Let me know and I'll do my best to fix what I can and improve the rest.

And if you don't like it...

Well there are other fics out there that you will probably enjoy, so best of luck finding one that suits you.

Praise the Log!

Ja Ne

ViP out.


	5. Chapter 5

FoxsoulRedux - THANK YOU. I was really trying to engender that feeling and that someone picked up on that and commented about it really did wonders about my confidence in my writing and my happiness with what I had already written. So cheers!

GodX - Ummm...sorry? I thought a decent amount happened last chapter, even if it was all mostly set up stuff. I hope you like this one better? Oh this one had fighting and a Pedo in it! Hope you like it, and if not well...not much I can do about that but try to be better in the future.

DoctorKnight - I felt like I could have done a really cool, emotionally touching scene about that...then I started writing at 2 AM and my brain went 'Nah, lets go with fighting and swearing!' Hope what I did write was good enough for you.

Guest - Thank you, I am not usually an AnkoxNaruto Shipper, but she is just so much fun to write and their dynamic just flows so easily for some reason.

serialkeller - Well I do have to at least try to not make it pure smut, I'm not Jiraya after all.

Guest - If Haku joined Team 7 and went to Konoha with them it would have just given me another character to try to weave into Naruto's interactions with others until such a time as she became important. So for the sake of laziness I had her return to Kiri.

LunarOdyssey - I am a bit leery of making things too much into smut with plot, which is the reason I'm having so much trouble with my other story, and innuendo is just my kind of humor and seems to me like it would be Anko's as well. As for Naruto's fallibility, well he's only a super-powerful metahuman that can use energy to manipulate the elements and clone himself. Why shouldn't he make basic human mistakes?

kieranjmchale - Thank you for the support, glad to know you like it so far. Don't be bashful if you have an opinion to share, good or ill.

Hiei-Uchiha - Indeed, sadly not much is known about him so far beyond that he was a 'deadlast', he killed Zabuza and took his sword, and he's Titled - The Golden Storm of Konoha. But for how long?

Danish Zaidi - Your hope has been rewarded my friend! Now I hope this chapter will set your blood pumping like the previous.

125b - I'm glad you like it. True it is over the top, but so is a lot of the shenanigans that did and could have happened in the Naruto-verse. If you want to view it as a slight crack, pure entertainment story, then be my guest.

* * *

Now that my obligations as an author are fulfilled...

On with the show!

* * *

Chapter 5: The Chunin Exams Begin (What do you mean don't kill them!?)

Time passed both far too quickly and excruciatingly slowly in the months following our mission to Wave.

On the one hand I had far too much to do, to work on, to improve on, for the short amount of time I was given. On the other hand, Bakakashi wouldn't let us take another mission that took us out of the village.

Thus relegating us to D ranks and village-centric C ranks, which I could do in my sleep. Quite literally if I wanted, Hax no Jutsu bitches. I suppose I shouldn't complain, as it did allow me to use much more of my time to improve myself than I would have been able to on other missions.

As for my training, I would call my improvement startling and impressive. I would also consider it inadequate to the tasks and challenges that I would be facing in the near future.

I was going to be facing the Snake Sannin after all, and while I was sure I could comfortably contest and survive against even the most powerful of Jonin, Orochimaru was on another level entirely.

I suppose the most obvious improvement was also the most expected, given my circumstances and the resources I had access to.

I had finally caught up to Lee, both in skill and in physicality. I would probably still give him a slight, but noticeable, edge over myself in speed, but I had far more staying power than he did.

I.E. I was a stamina freak courtesy of being the Kyuubi Jinchuriki and my Uzumaki genes. Now during training, once I wore Lee out and ran him into the ground, I moved on to sparring with Gai himself.

Needless to say he still kicked my ass, even if I was making it harder and harder on him each time. I could however go toe to toe with the Taijutsu monster, I mean master, if I used my Lightning Style Chakra Armor.

He insisted that I do so occasionally, so that I was used to fighting with it (see Zabuza for reasons why it was important), not to mention the other powerful, last resort technique he was teaching me how to activate. I was already able to use several of the levels.

However I hoped I wouldn't need to use that for a very long time, it stung like an absolute BITCH afterward. I was even developing a few surprises that I would hopefully be able to incorporate into my Goken in the relatively near future, to give it a bit of an extra punch.

When I wasn't focusing on my own physical training, I was focusing on forcing those close to me to improve themselves. Anko seemed to take a sick sort of Sado-Masochistic pleasure in joining my training with the Bushy-Brows, torturing them (and me) with her wicked and 'UNYOUTHFUL' ways in between driving her body into the dirt through intense sparring and insane exercises.

However Anko wasn't the only one who trained with my green spandex wearing friends, the usual crew of Hinata, Tenten, and Ino had kept at it when I was in Wave and worked even harder after my return.

I didn't know if it was the rumors circulating about my defeat of Zabuza, or the fact that I was driving myself even harder than previously and was slowly overtaking even Lee in his chosen specialty, that spurred them on.

That Lee's own weights were only 500 more pounds each leg than my own weights may have also had something to do with it. After all, being left in the dust of someone wearing 12,000 pounds on each of his legs is a bit embarrassing when it's not Lee or Guy.

A side note was that I had switched from traditional weights to my newly developed resistance seals, as they were much easier to divest myself of quickly in the face of danger and much less trouble to store.

Regardless it encouraged them to reach higher and grow stronger, so I didn't think about it too much.

I had more important things on my mind.

The girls weren't the only ones that I roped into training with me. Iruka-sensei had happily come to one of our training sessions at my invitation and then immediately decided that he would train with me after I met up with my team instead of with the 'YOUTHFUL' crew, whenever he was free to do so.

I couldn't blame him after he had been made to sweat blood and had been subjected to the Sunset Genjutsu of Doom under the instruction of Gai-sensei.

I think I almost broke my former sensei when I defeated him effortlessly, not even having to use anything besides Taijutsu to force him to surrender. He was, however, much more willing and enthusiastic about training with me after that.

Well the fact that Anko would also show up at those times may have helped influence his decision. As she would often remove her trench coat so that I didn't ruin it when I was throwing her around.

Iruka-sensei was a closet pervert, just like in the show. I don't know why, but I was strangely disappointed and angry when he ogled her mesh-covered breasts before disappearing in a massive spurt of blood.

I couldn't be getting possessive of Anko could I? Surely not, that would be insane. But as irritating as that was, it was also off topic.

Speaking of Anko, it was her, or rather her friend that helped me the most with another part of my training. A certain ANBU kitty, Neko, also known as, Uzuki Yugao took up the mantle of my Kenjutsu sensei. Granted she mostly taught my clones in her free time, only so that I could be training myself into the dirt at the same time. So while I progressed quickly, I wouldn't be calling myself a master unless I got a few weeks of dedicated instruction and time to use Hax no Jutsu to make everything muscle memory.

As for Ninjutsu training, that was handled mostly through Iruka, self-experimentation with the help of stolen, I mean borrowed scrolls, and surprisingly enough, Jiji.

It seems that with the knowledge and use of shadow clones in his battle against paperwork, Hiruzen had stepped his training up. He stated that just because he was old didn't mean there was a reason for him to let his skills decline further than his advancing age necessitated.

True, he couldn't train with me too often, but every time he was able to was an extremely productive and informative day. He wasn't called the Professor for no reason after all.

Some might wonder why I didn't mention Bakakashi, or why he wasn't the one to teach me anything. Especially after he taught me the Chidori, his original Jutsu. The answer was simple. He didn't want to be anywhere near me.

When we returned to Konoha he had acted distantly to me, only talking to me if he had to address the group. Surprisingly he had started to take training the others in our team more seriously, and had taken some, not much, but some time to teach Sasuke and Sakura more Taijutsu and to spar with them.

He had also gone about helping Sasuke get used to his new eyes, and master more of his clan's fire Jutsu. For Sakura he helped her come up with a training regimen that she could follow on her own to improve her level of fitness and general combat readiness, and gave her a few scrolls on simple Genjutsu and basic, low-level Ninjutsu.

I had hoped that Sasuke would come to me and that we could train together to form a 'bond', but it was not to be. Oh he had come to me, but not to train and not to 'bond'. He had shown up to one of our team meetings one day and demanded that I teach him how to use both the Rasengan and the Lightning Style Chakra Armor.

Naturally I had refused, telling him that he wasn't capable of using either effectively at the moment. He didn't have enough chakra to use the Rasengan more than once or twice, and his body was far too fragile for the Lightning Style Chakra Armor to do more than tear it apart when he used it.

He didn't take that well, and went off on a rant about his need for power and how much more he deserved it than a Dobe like me. I had then proposed a spar, where I wouldn't use either of those techniques, with the condition that if he could defeat me then I would teach him both of them.

He had still not forgiven me for defeating him so absolutely with just Taijutsu and the Kawarimi. I hadn't even had to use shadow clones, to be honest it was pathetic how desperate and obsessed he was with power.

I had told him as much with my foot to his neck as I pushed his face into the grass below. As my luck would have it, Kakashi had showed up just then. A pointless conversation about teamwork later and he had pulled me aside.

* * *

Flashback no Jutsu

* * *

"I've given you plenty of time Naruto, but I can't keep waiting. Where did you learn that technique?" My personal, cycloptic Jonin asked me with a serious tone.

"I'm sorry Bakakashi-sensei, but you'll have to be a bit more specific." I affected a baffled expression and shrugged helplessly.

Narrowing his eye in annoyance, the son of the White-Fang growled his displeasure. "You know exactly what I mean. The technique you used to ki-defeat Zabuza, the Raikage's Chakra Armor. Where did you learn about it and how did you learn it? You shouldn't know a Jutsu like that, much less be able to use it. You were the dead last of your class, only graduating due to a fluke. It's impossible that you could have come so far without someone helping you. So I'm giving you one chance to tell me where you learned it."

I stared stonily at Kakashi, not liking his tone or his insinuations the slightest bit. "Perhaps it was just that once I became a shinobi I didn't have anyone to intentionally hold me back. Perhaps it was the fact that the Shadow Clone Jutsu is perfectly suited to me, and someone in my special situation. Perhaps I am simply my parents' child after all."

The silver-haired Jonin looked stricken at that, but I had one last barb to aim his way. Maybe I was being cruel, but I had decided to take the kiddie gloves off. I simply didn't have the time for anything else but the most direct path to my goal, and my goal here was to snap Kakashi back into shape.

"Maybe if my Tou-san had had a student," I began and Kakashi physically flinched at my faux innocent tone. "Maybe if there was someone who could have been there for me and taken care of me, or even just tried to help me along and shown that I was cared for then I wouldn't have lived the life I did. Maybe then I wouldn't have been the 'dead last', the Dobe. Maybe if this hypothetical student of my Tou-san hadn't been so selfish and self-absorbed he could have made a difference in his Sensei's child's life. However he was too busy wasting away mourning the dead and drowning in self-recrimination to help the living."

I turned my back on him and began to walk away, casually throwing my last words over my shoulder. "Sounds to me that a person like that shouldn't exist, let alone cast stones when they stand in a house made of cracked glass. And I learned it on my own. I pieced it together through reports on the encounter the 4th had with the current Raikage and the next step of making the logical connection between lightning natured chakra and the electricity that powers the human nervous system."

I didn't see as Kakashi collapsed to his knees under the weight of my words and his failures as he watched me walk away from him without once looking back.

* * *

End Flashback no Jutsu

* * *

So, back to the topic of Jiji, it was with his help that I was already on my third elemental chakra affinity. Due to the almost wholly offensive nature of my other two chakra types, I had decided to focus on a defensive chakra nature, leading me to water natured chakra.

I couldn't really tell if learning and mastering chakra natures was getting more difficult due to my tendency to train them by spamming hundreds of shadow clones to do the work for me.

I had however added several defensive natured Jutsu to my arsenal. Kirigakure no Jutsu (Hiding in the Mist), Water Formation Wall, and Water Prison Technique to name a few of the most notable of the ones I had learned.

Dojutsu users eat your heart out! I now had the counter to your OP bullshit. Conveniently forget about my own OP bullshit please, thank you.

I had several more Jutsu waiting in my pocket, but there was no reason to go into them at the moment, as most were just more advanced versions of what I already knew before.

Now while I had made extremely impressive, if I don't say so myself, strides in other areas of my training, it was in Fuinjutsu that I had improved the most.

I suppose it was bound to happen when taking my Uzumaki heritage, the obscene amount of money I now had for supplies, courtesy of Gato, and hundreds of shadow clones dedicated to the sole task of advancing my skill, working tirelessly each and every day for months.

Even with the several years' worth of work my clones had put in, I was still shocked at the progress I had made. Before leaving for the Wave mission I would conservatively rank myself as a level 3 or 4 out of 12 in Fuinjutsu (using the Uzumaki standard). Now I could definitely say that I had improved by incredible, chakra-fuelled leaps and bounds.

I could safely say that I was at least a level 8, and steadily closing in on level 9. However that was only for the generalities of Fuinjutsu, for my areas of particular interest I would say I was nearing level 11.

Now you might say, 'Naruto, how could you possibly be a level 8 and yet be a level 11?' To that I would say, 'it's because I'm Naruto and an Uzumaki that I can do whatever I put my mind to –'ttebayo!'

FUCK! I hate that stupid tick! Deep breaths…back on topic.

The true reason was that while the general knowledge of sealing was needed for me to advance my application of Fuinjutsu, it wasn't needed over much in the two special interests I held.

The first was obviously Curse Seals and ways to mitigate or remove them and their effects without harming the person afflicted with the Seal. The second should be pretty obvious if you consider who my mother was and what she was known for besides the red hair and Kenjutsu.

Yes, I was interested in none other than the Adamantine Sealing Chains. Now some might say that I had no chance of getting those, as a Kekkei Genkai produced them. Right?

Wrong!

They were a product of…you guessed it. Fuinjutsu!

Fuinjutsu used and known exclusively by the Uzumaki clan, but really I had years compressed down into months to figure out how to use them. I was still in the beginning stages, but I had already managed something similar to what Karin could do later on in the series. And I would only improve with time.

Some might ask why I wasn't working on the Hiraishin, or the Flying Thunder God Technique. To that I say, you can't have it all…yet. Also it's flippin' difficult, so that'll come once I'm more advanced, hopefully during my training trip, and I will be able to compete with it anyway using the Lightning Style Chakra Armor, once I train my body up enough to match the Raikage or Gai and grow some more.

That acts as a perfect segue way and leads me to my final area of advancement covered by my training. I had made contact with Kurama.

I won't bore anyone with the particulars, as anyone who might be reading this in whatever alternate universe in which my life is a shitty fanfiction has probably read quite a bit of Naruto flavored fanfiction.

So suffice it to say that is went something like this.

Kurama tried to lure me through the bars of the cage. I refused.

Kurama tried to get me to take off the seal. I refused.

Kurama threatened me. I tried to make nice.

Kurama laughed at me and called me a 'ningen'. I called him Kyuubi-san.

I changed my mindscape from a sewer into a mountain close by a forest and made his prison into a giant cave inside the mountain, but allowed him fresh air, sunlight, and other amenities.

Kurama agreed to 'lend' me his chakra whenever I wanted or needed it. I thanked him and expressed my wish for us to be friends one day.

Kurama got mad at the idea of being friends with a 'ningen' let alone his jailor, and kicked me out.

Sound familiar and boring? Good, it was more than slightly terrifying and incredibly intense in the moment.

It's incredible to think that he is only half of what was sealed into my ancestors. The thought of his original power makes me shudder in a mix of excitement and anxiety, not quite fear.

As I thought over all of my progress over the recent months I made my way towards the Hokage Tower to meet with my number one minion.

I had noticed the influx of foreign shinobi in recent days and was expecting Kakashi to drop the bomb on us any day now. Anko making unsubtle hints about something fun happening soon was also a big clue.

I had taken a rare day off, though I was still using hundreds of shadow clones to train, to goof around with Konohamaru and his little crew of pipsqueaks today in order to de-stress and rest myself before the action started, but when the situation quickly devolved into the kid running from Sakura I recognized the progression of events.

Huh, seemed like canon events had a way of happening with or without my input unless I went out of my way to change things drastically. I wonder if it was actually Fate, or if it was just Kishimoto messing with me again. Damn him to HELL!

I quickly followed the two troublemakers and came upon Kankuro threatening my unofficial disciple and Sakura, shockingly, had a kunai out and was in a reasonably well-formed stance.

"Hey now, no need to manhandle my pipsqueak." I drawled as I appeared behind the Sand-Nin with a perfectly executed Shunshin, seeming as if I had just teleported there, while grabbing Kankuro's hand and twisting it just enough to force him to let go of Konohamaru.

"You're in trouble now, Boss is here! He's one of the strongest ninjas I know, so you better apologize!" Apparently feeling secure in his perceived superiority now that I was there to protect him, Konohamaru began talking a big game.

Shunshin-ing once again I appeared behind the munchkin and gently chopped his head, causing him to crouch down, with tears in the corners of his eyes, and grab the giant lump I had raised on his head.

"If you run into someone when you aren't looking then you should apologize, munchkin." I order-told, excuse my slip, my minion with a scary-kind, excuse me, smile on my face.

"H-hai Boss." He stuttered before bowing to the Sand-Nin. "Sorry for running into you!" He then turned to me for approval.

I gave him a nod and sent him on his way with a gentle, discreet push and a serious look. Taking the hint he made himself scarce.

Turning back to the foreign-Nin I eye-smiled at them. "Ah, sorry about him. He can be a bit immature and exuberant, but he's a good kid. Grandson to the Hokage if you were wondering." I slipped in that tidbit to discourage retribution and the way Kankuro went white under his makeup (it's WARPAINT!) told me I'd scored a direct hit.

"Well allow me to welcome our allies from Sand to Konoha." I offered as cheerfully as I could before taking Temari's hand and placing a masked-kiss on the back of it, causing her to blush prettily while raising an eyebrow at me. "Might I have the pleasure of knowing the name of such a beautiful desert flower?"

"I am Sabaku no Temari, this idiot is my brother Kankuro." The offended protest offered by the cat suit wearing freak was ignored.

"And the one up in the tree over there?" I inquired about Gaara, having known he was in the tree not just due to my knowledge of the series, but also because my sensor abilities had grown along with the rest of my skills and easily allowed me to detect him and his ever-present bloodlust.

With a Sand Shunshin, Gaara was suddenly standing next to us. "G-Gaara!" Both of his siblings managed to force out.

Gaara's dead eyes flicked over his siblings emotionlessly. "Kankuro, you're an embarrassment. Act out again and I'll kill you."

With a shudder of fear Kankuro hurriedly nodded his head. "R-right. No need to worry, I won't do it again. It was just a misunderstanding."

"Yep, all a misunderstanding between allied shinobi. Water…or sand in this case, I suppose, under the bridge!" I offered with another eye-smile, getting another blush out of Temari. "So, Sabaku no Gaara, I guess?"

I offered Gaara my hand to shake as he stared at me without taking it. "What is your name?" That unpleasant, dead sounding voice came again.

"AH, apologies! I really should have introduced myself first. The name is Uzumaki Naruto." I grinned at him and Kankuro before throwing a wink to Temari. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance.

"Uzumaki Naruto? As in the Golden Storm of Konoha? You're in the BINGO books! Did you really kill Momochi Zabuza? I didn't know you were so young!" Temari gushed with wide eyes as Sakura stiffened behind me.

"The one and only!" I beamed. "Am I really? I assume for Mist as they're the only place that might be upset over losing this." I jiggled the handle of my blade for emphasis. "I'll have to look myself up and see how accurate the info is. And yes I did kill the Demon of the Mist." I finally acknowledged her main question.

Temari seemed speechless as she stood and gaped at me, even Kankuro was reassessing me. Gaara however seemed slightly excited. "Uzumaki Naruto, I will kill you and prove my existence. Come Kankuro, Temari, we're leaving." With that he left in a Sand Shunshin.

Kankuro followed after him without a word, but Temari threw me a wave and a coy smile before she followed her siblings.

With a nod to Sakura I went my own way, the Exams were fast approaching and I needed to put together my supplies and prepare the battleground as best I could.

* * *

It was a few days later when it happened, Kakashi delivered the form at a team meeting that he was obviously late to.

As per usual these days, I showed up nearly 3 hours after the assigned time to meet. Kakashi had not yet arrived, but Sasuke and Sakura were there and seemed to have been for a while. I still didn't understand why they bothered to show up on time after all this time, and people called me the Dobe.

Upon my arrival Sasuke glared at me for a moment before nodding his greeting with grudging respect. After Wave and especially after I had easily beaten him down despite his vaunted Sharingan and fire Ninjutsu, without the use of more than a Kawarimi, the Uchiha had started to treat me with sullen and reluctant respect.

He had also made great strides towards becoming stronger, not as much as myself, but impressive nonetheless. And he was certainly far stronger now than he was in the canon timeline, thanks to pushing himself to catch up to me and dedicated training from Kakashi.

Sakura gave me a timid nod before returning to whatever scroll she had taken to reading as she waited. Now there was someone who had come a long way in these months. I'm not saying that she was strong, or even necessarily good for our age group, I could only compare her to my training group and they all worked much harder to improve than she did, but she was no longer the worthless girl she had been not long ago.

It seemed that my words before the Wave mission, her uselessness during said mission, and the knowledge of the vast difference in even her level and Sasuke's, let alone mine, was enough for her to begin to train much more seriously. She was an upper-tier Genin these days and might not be such a liability to us in the upcoming Exams.

Although she was still the weak link and definitely wasn't ready to be promoted to Chunin. But hey, Sasuke was certainly strong enough to be a Chunin, and he wasn't ready to be one any more than she was. It took more than just strength or knowledge alone to make Chunin. It took strength, skill, knowledge, guts, and leadership in order to earn the right for promotion.

Popping a squat by them after I returned their greetings, I pulled out my own level 9 sealing book and buried my nose in it to review my notes. Things had certainly changed from before Wave, not the least being me.

I had already been tall for my age at that point and I had only gotten taller, much to Anko's and other women's joy, according to her. That was without mentioning the effects all the Taijutsu training I endured had on my physique.

I had shot up again in these few months by another 1.5 inches, leaving me at about 5' 7". It was looking like I might be giving Jiraya a run for his money in a few years with the way I was growing. I now looked down on all of my age group by at least 3-4 inches, and I thoroughly enjoyed having a more developed body again, but not as much as Anko seemed to enjoy it. I don't know whether to shudder in fear at that thought or celebrate…

I caught villagers starting in surprise at my looks when they weren't paying attention. If I showed up suddenly, they would exclaim "Yandaime-sama!" only to realize that it was I and not the 4th. They would habitually scowl at me before freezing and looking me over more closely before growing confused or thoughtful depending on the person.

I was grateful that I had taken to wearing my mask so early, because everyone was used to seeing me with it on and so couldn't really remember or tell what my face looked like.

To put it simply, I was a clone of the 4th with whisker marks. I even wore my hair long and shaggy like him, except longer and in a spiky ponytail, but that was more for aesthetics and the hope that I would learn Jiraya's hair Jutsu at some point.

I still hadn't seen any results of having Sasuke pour his chakra into me and taking in his cells from his blood, other than that my chakra seemed slightly easier to control and was slightly more potent.

Before I could drift too far into my thoughts Kakashi showed up. No one mentioned him being late. I was so relieved when we finally broke Sakura of her habit of echolocation, AKA the banshee shriek attack. True it was a devastating weapon, but friendly fire is discouraged. However Kakashi looked slightly depressed that no one gave him an opening to use his lame excuses.

"Well, I've got good news for you my dear Genin!" Kakashi eye-smiled at us, trying to sound enthusiastic and happy without coming off as filled with anticipation at our potential failure in the tasks ahead.

"Let me guess, you put our names forward for the Chunin Exams?" I 'guessed' in a deadpan voice.

Sagging slightly Kakashi glanced at me before looking away and muttering just loud enough for us to hear him. "You take all the fun out of being a Jonin-Sensei."

In a louder and slightly less chipper voice than before he continued. "Yes, as Naruto guessed I put you forward for the Chunin Exams. I have faith that you all are strong enough to do as well as anyone else your age and come out the other side better than you went in!"

Note that he said nothing about actually succeeding. "However it is your choice whether you go or not. If you decide to accept then simply sign these forms and bring them with you to the room 301 at the Academy in a week's time."

With that our sensei handed each of us a form before making an excuse about us needing time to think so training was cancelled for the day.

While my teammates grumbled, this worked perfectly for me. My survival kit was fully packed and I had been prepping the Forest of Death with traps and surprises for over a week now. Another week of preparation would only serve me well.

After coming to an agreement to meet back there a week from now if we were going to join, so that we could go together, I left to make use of my final week of preparations.

Maybe I would be ready for Orochimaru…maybe.

* * *

The week passed quickly, my time was spent training as usual. Anko, however, became a constant staple by my side.

My days went something like this:

Wake up in my not-so-crappy-anymore apartment (money, clones, and Fuinjutsu can do a lot), which was covered in new defensive seals and traps, and free Anko from a trap or seal.

Make breakfast for the two of us, go train with Lee and Gai.

Carry Anko back to her place so she could shower, as she would insist that she was too tired to walk, turn down her offer to shower together, go shower at my apartment.

Go to my team meeting, train and take a ridiculously easy mission. Head to my training ground, and get ambushed by Anko as soon as I arrived.

Spar with Anko, defeat Anko and make her pout and whine. Suppress desire to kiss the pout off her lips, go into denial about my growing feelings towards her. Rationalize through the excuse of puberty.

Continuously drop hints about what a good idea it would be to have a few squads of ANBU patrolling or watching the Forest of Death during the Exams, incase something goes epically wrong or some other Village's ninja try to pull something.

Buy Anko dango, 'coincidentally' run into the girls who are totally not spying on us, Ino, Tenten, and Hinata, at random times.

Talk to Jiji about upping security for the Exams as a show of strength to the other Villages, and to prove that the Leaf was fully recovered, even if we weren't.

Take Anko to dinner at my place or Ichiraku Ramen. Whenever we saw Kurenai, Anko would hurriedly pull me away and flee from the crimson-eyed beauty.

It was like that that my days passed.

Oh did I forget the hundreds of shadow clones that were training around the clock, or the dozens that were turning the Forest of Death into my own version of Genin Hell?

Must have forgotten to mention that…oops?

When the day of the Exams came, I was glad to see my teammates walking towards me where I waited at our meeting spot.

Jumping down from the tree I had been lounging in I nodded at both of them and without a word headed towards the Academy.

As we walked I noticed Sasuke sending me speculative glances, as if weighing the benefits of making nice with me during the Exams, as I was the strongest out of us.

He seemed to have come to a decision as he called out to me. "Dobe."

"Hmm? I don't know anyone of that name around here. You see someone you know?" I asked the Uchiha innocently.

A tick mark appeared on his head before he took a deep, calming breath. "Uzumaki. We may not get along, but you are strong and I know you won't hold me back. Therefore we should work together during these exams to get promoted."

"Sure thing Sasuke, I've never had any bones about working with you. Lets do our best whatever comes. You too Sakura." I eye-smiled at them happily, before continuing to walk towards our destination.

"Hn." Was Sasuke's only response, but I detected satisfaction in the grunt.

* * *

Sakura knew that she had come a long way towards becoming an actual kunoichi, and most of that could be laid at Naruto's feet. He had really changed since the Academy. It was like he wasn't even the same person anymore.

Her eyes flicked back and forth between her two teammates, both of them were strong, much stronger than her. However she wasn't just baggage anymore, she could help both of them without weighing them down.

That was the reason that she had actually signed the form. She didn't want to always be a hindrance for her team, she wanted to stand on equal footing with them, and she knew that her team was stronger than any other Genin that would show up.

That alone gave her the confidence to apply for the exams, even if she knew that she was nowhere near ready to become a Chunin. If she was honest with herself, and that was hard with Inner Sakura yelling in her head, she didn't really think that Sasuke was ready either. Her crush wouldn't be able to lead a team that he only considered a liability and was more likely to disregard than to work with.

She hoped that they would make it through the Exams and come out the other side stronger and if possible, closer than they were when they went in.

* * *

"Ignore the Genjutsu." I ordered my team just before we entered, getting inquisitive looks from both of them.

They understood what I meant a few moments later as we came upon the second floor and the often-repeated (in fanfiction) scene of Kotetsu and Izumo acting under Henges to prevent some applicants from entering the room (201 under a Genjutsu to look like 301). Without stopping or giving Sasuke a chance to out the Genjutsu and allow even more people a chance I made my way to the stairs shooting a wink to Tenten as I saw her in the crowd.

We were stopped several moments later as a green missile imposed itself in front of Sakura.

Lee, for it could be no one else, gently cupped one of her hands and YOUTHFULLY declared his intentions towards the Pink Banshee. "You are Haruno Sakura, correct? I am Rock Lee, the Second Green Beast of Konoha. Please go out with me, I will protect you with my life!" The second green beast struck a 'nice guy' pose and his teeth flashed 'manfully' as he spat out his line.

I couldn't help but face palm at my friend's display.

"Ummm…sorry, no thanks. I already have someone I like." Sakura replied kindly, her eyes darting over to where Sasuke and I stood waiting.

Lee collapsed in agony and despair at the rejection, wailing about how he would punish himself with training for his failure.

"Lee, get over it. Maybe if you do well in the Exams and impress her she will change her mind." I halfheartedly offered consolation to the spandex-clad kid.

"YOSH! You are right Naruto-san, I must fan my FLAMES OF YOUTH and do well to impress her and show her my strength!" Came the over exuberant reply.

"Yeah…you do that Lee." I offered weakly, still thrown off by the declarations of YOUTH at overly loud volumes.

Turning on a dime, Lee appeared in front of Sasuke. "You must be Uchiha Sasuke, Naruto-san's other teammate."

"Hn." That was the expected response, and the one he gave.

"I am Rock Lee, fight me." Lee was starting to wear on my nerves. I was already on edge because I knew Orochimaru would be around and I just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

"Hmph, you know who I am and you still want to fight me? Foolish." The arrogant asshole replied. NO, I wasn't talking about myself! I meant Sasuke.

Taking a hold of both Sasuke and Sakura I began to drag them towards the waiting room. "Save your strength for the Chunin Exams and the challenges ahead. Fight your allies later when your promotion does not rest on your performance in the next few hours."

I left behind a gaping Lee, he was not able to comprehend someone rejecting a direct challenge and his brain had overloaded with the double load of rejections he had received in as many minutes.

I only let them go when we approached room 301 and saw Kakashi-sensei there.

I flapped my hand dismissively at him. "Yeah, yeah. We could only enter as a team and you didn't want Sasuke or me to pressure Sakura into coming if she didn't feel she was ready. You have faith in us, blah blah blah."

"You really do ruin everything for me don't you?" Our sensei asked as he hung his head in depression as clouds began to form and storm over him.

"Yep, it's a gift. However it was a good idea, maybe you can actually be a decent sensei if you work at it." I threw my father's student a bone as I walked passed him and into the room beyond.

When everyone turned to look at us Sasuke looked back uncaringly, and Sakura only jumped slightly before steeling her nerve. I just looked around for people I recognized, unconcerned with the rabble.

"Sasuke-kun, Naru-kun! You guys are here too?" A blonde projectile impacted my back and I felt a subtle squish, hinting at my assailant's sex and developing assets.

"Ino-chan, good to see you, even if I did just see you two days ago. Yeah we were entered too. Are the rest of our Academy class here too?" I was slightly surprised that Ino had jumped on my back instead of Sasuke's, but didn't give it too much thought as I had other things on my mind.

"Ino-Pig get off of…Naruto?" I could feel Sakura's confusion that Ino was latched onto me and not Sasuke, as was her usual routine.

"Oh come off it Forehead. What do you care if I want to hug Naru-kun? Sasuke-kun doesn't like getting touched too much anyway." Ino explained away her actions with a dismissive flap of her hand and an imperceptible blush.

"Naru-kun?" Sakura muttered to herself in confusion.

"Troublesome. You guys are here too?" Shikamaru asked rhetorically as he and the rest of the Rookie 9 approached us.

"Yo, Shika. Of course we're here, we couldn't have Konoha's only decent male representation be someone too lazy to actually fight." I joked with the pineapple-haired boy.

"This is going to go downhill fast, troublesome blond(e)s. First you put the fire into Asuma-sensei to train us, then you do the same for Ino. I can hardly find time to watch clouds or play shogi these days." The lazy genius complained, prompting me to laugh at his misfortune. However his eyes were sharp as they roved my form, taking it all in and processing all of the changes in that scary-smart head of his.

"Hey there Hinata-chan, Shino-san, Choji, Kiba, how's everyone doing?" I asked politely, smiling at Hinata and giving her a small hug. Of course this caused her face to turn red and her head to begin to steam, but she managed to stay conscious this time, so that was improvement.

"H-hi Naruto-kun." The lavender-eyed girl managed to reply softly. I caught Ino puffing out her cheeks in annoyance from the corner of my eye and threw her a wink, causing her to blush and look away.

"Yo Dobe, acting like you're hot stuff these days aren't you!?" The dog just had to bark, and Kiba hadn't been properly housebroken yet it seemed. He seemed to be under the impression that he had peed on Hinata and so she was his, when really it was I who had peed on her! Metaphorically of course, I'm not an animal or an Inuzuka.

Before I could respond I felt an approaching presence and Kabuto made himself known. "You guys should keep it down, you're drawing attention to yourselves." Looking up everyone around me noticed the attention of the rest of the ninja focused our way and KI being directed towards us.

Most of my 'friends' wilted under the combined weight of the Chunin hopefuls' KI, but I simply scoffed and ratcheted up my own in return as I loosened my sword in its sheath.

Suddenly the other Villages' Genin began to collapse, starting with those closest to me. Kiba was affected similarly, but the rest of the Rookie 9 felt as if they were being wrapped in a warm blanket or hug and made to be perfectly safe.

I was not being vindictive. A dog must have its nose rubbed into its mess and be scolded to learn better. Also he had to realize that it was my pee on Hinata! Metaphorically.

Looking around confusedly, they quickly realized that the feeling was coming from me. Just as they came to that realization, I let go of my KI and as quickly as it had come it was gone.

The foreign Genin, who had just experienced the feeling of inevitable death, scrambled to get as far from me as possible and did their utmost not to so much as look in my direction.

I turned back to the group of Konoha-nin with an eye-smile. "You were saying Kabuto-san?" Blatantly ignoring the gasping form of Kiba on the floor, the slight smell of urine that would be unnoticeable to most people coming from said Inuzuka, and the fact that I had put him there.

"Y-you know who I am?" Kabuto looked shaken from what he had just experienced. He probably didn't know how much I had improved since graduating the Academy, even if I was in the BINGO books now there couldn't be all that much information on me available. After all reading that the 'deadlast' of a class had killed an A rank ninja and experiencing that former deadlast's power, which surpassed your own, first hand, were very different things.

"Well yeah, I try to know as much as I can about the people I might be working with or against." I left my response vague and simply offered another eye-smile.

"S-sure. I was going to offer you guys some information on the competition. Us Leaf shinobi have to stick together and I am a veteran of the Chunin Exams after all." The white-haired traitor to the Leaf offered in a kind tone.

"A veteran? How many times have you taken them?" Ino asked inquisitively, wondering if the exams were harder than she thought or if this glasses-guy just sucked.

"7 times…but this time is definitely the one where I pass!" Kabuto enthused. Man the guy was a great actor; I would totally have bought it if I didn't know better. "So is there anyone you want to know about? I have quite a bit of info on the contestants on my…Ninja Info Cards." He pulled out a deck of unusual cards as he offered in a dramatic voice.

"Sabaku no Gaara." I said immediately, wanting to warn my fellow Leaf-nin off of attacking the Jinchuriki while trying to suppress my need to laugh as the HMVs about this scene played on repeat in my head.

"So you know his name already, that's no fun." Looking through the deck Kabuto pulled out the appropriate card. "Not much info on him besides that he's been on 17 D rank, 29 C rank and look at that 1 B rank mission. The crazy thing is that apparently he has never been so much as touched on any of those missions."

"What you don't have is that he can freely manipulate sand, which autonomously acts to defend him, is a complete psychopath, and has an extremely high amount of chakra, as in Jonin amounts of chakra." I offered to him with a careless shrug. Everyone around me gaped for a second before Sasuke asked for more cards.

"Rock Lee and…Uzumaki Naruto." The emo avenger demanded the information.

"Well let's see here. Rock Lee was the 'deadlast' of last years Academy class because of a genetic defect that prevents him from molding chakra beyond the absolute basics. Apparently he is a Taijutsu prodigy though, and has been on 86 D rank and 42 C rank missions. As for Naruto-kun…" He trailed off and looked at me questioningly, I simply eye-smiled at him.

"Well Naruto-kun also graduated as the 'deadlast' of his class, but its been speculated that that was because the teachers intentionally held him back and taught him incorrectly, or because he simply chose the position. He's in the BINGO book for killing Momochi Zabuza, the Demon of the Mist, an A rank Missing-Nin and looting the sword, Kubikiribocho from his corpse. He's currently got a 15-million ryo bounty and is ranked as a B rank Nin, although not much other info was included. From what I know he's got an absurd amount of chakra, easily 3 to 4 times an average Jonin if not more, and his Taijustu is good enough to compete with not only Rock Lee, but also one of the premiere Taijutsu experts of the Leaf, Maito Gai. He's been on 168 D rank, 18 C rank, 1 B rank, and 1 A rank mission." Kabuto finished with awe in his voice and I couldn't tell if it was real or fake.

"Aww shucks, you'll make me blush if you praise me too much!" I quipped with an eye-smile and a faint, pink blush as everyone starred at me as if I had grown another head. I was, however keeping my senses sharp for the Sound-Nin that I was expecting to attack.

"How have you gone on so many more missions than everyone else Naruto?" Sakura asked me quietly.

"Secret!" I winked playfully at her, causing her to smile gently in acceptance.

Ino and Hinata had nodded along to the latter half of the information on me with slight blushes on their faces. Although Ino started to drool a bit as she mumbled about muscles and extendable tongues, Hinata joined Kiba on the floor at that point after reaching unbearable internal temperatures.

"If that's all you want to know about individuals, then I'd recommend you avoid the Nin from Suna and Kumo. There are some from a new Village called Oto, but it's a smalltime Village so it's unlikely that they sent anyone really strong." Kabuto gave the line to entice Dosu into attacking him and so cement our trust in him.

"You hear that, he called us smalltime. I think we should show the weakling just how smalltime we really are." Came Dosu's expected response as he launched himself towards Kabuto, who flung himself away.

As soon as Dosu began to move I had already made mine. His gauntlet, and main weapon, was shattered instantly as I cut his hand off at the wrist and proceeded to hit him with the Executioner's Blade like a baseball bat. He went flying with a scream of agony as I casually leaned upon my giant blade.

"You think you can come into the very heart of the Leaf and assault a Leaf shinobi from behind? You're lucky all I took was your hand, your Kage will surely be most displeased with you." My KI was back again and more intense than ever, but it was mostly focused on the Oto-Nin. I had to raise my voice slightly to be heard over the pained screams coming from Dosu.

People were staring at me like they had suddenly realized that they were standing next to a viper and had no idea what to do but to freeze and hope it left them alone. No one besides Kabuto, Sasuke, Neji, Gaara, and Lee, had even seen me move, and I still had my resistance seals on.

"Next one to attack a Leaf shinobi in front of me dies." I announced to the room before re-sheathing my sword and turning back to the Rookie 9, all of who were looking at me in a mix of fear, shock, and awe.

Okay Ino was looking at me with a bit of lust, but that was just Ino embracing her, thankfully diminished, fangirl nature. Seeing Temari I waved at her at her with an eye-smile, she hesitantly waved back.

"All right you lot, settle down!" The instructor, Morino Ibiki arrived to find almost all of the non Konoha shinobi cowering, the Leaf shinobi staring at the tall blond in their ranks as if he was insane and very cool, and the team of Oto-Nin trying to stem the bleeding from one of their member's stump, which he was sure used to have a hand attached to it. "What the bloody hell happened here?" Somehow he knew this was Mitarashi's fault.

* * *

Somewhere in Konoha, Anko sneezed and threatened to eviscerate whomever was talking about her as she worked on a totally badass banner and thought about how she would make her entrance once the gakis were done with the first part of the Exam. She wanted to make sure she made a suitable impression on all of them and impressed Blondie-kun.

She giggled perversely as a wonderful idea struck her. Blondie-kun would love it!

* * *

I shivered for some unexplained reason. It definitely wasn't because Ibiki was glaring at me as if he could set me on fire with his eyes. Sorry bud you need the Mangekyo Sharingan for that trick.

Once the medics had carted Dosu off to attempt to reattach his hand, Ibiki had tried to question me. I had simply responded that I was protecting a fellow shinobi of Konoha from an unprovoked attack and that whatever consequences were brought by that attack rested solely on the aggressor, namely Dosu.

It was hard to argue with logic like that, especially when no one disputed that Dosu had indeed been the one to attack unprovoked. I had just responded with greater force, nothing could be done about it.

And so the test had continued on unabated.

"This exam has a few important rules, if you break them you're out so listen up! The first rule is simple enough, you all start off with 10 points, and the written exam has 10 questions. Each question on the exam is worth one point, however we are working on a point reduction system. That means that if you get a question wrong, you lose a point from the 10 you start with. The second rule is that your team's total score will determine whether you pass or fail." Ibiki was interrupted at this point by some discontented muttering and shouts from the Genin gathered to take the test.

"There's a reason the rules are set up like this so shut up and listen, or leave."

Everyone quieted down at that and he continued. "The third rule is that if you are caught cheating 2 points will be deducted from your final score, that's for every time you are caught. If you are caught cheating 3 times then you and your team will be forced to leave. So think very carefully before cheating and putting your and your teammates' futures as shinobi at risk. Now that the rules have been laid out, you have an hour. Begin."

This 'test' would be ridiculously easy for me as the clones I had sent earlier to blend in inside this room were perfectly situated to observe and gather the answers for me (future knowledge and Hax no Jutsu for the win), but as I looked at the questions I knew that I could do these easily by myself. All that time I spent in the libraries when I first got here was paying dividends.

So I quickly and easily answered all the questions and then signaled a clone to pop if it had identified a Chunin plant. When the knowledge of the plant's answers popped into my head I checked my answers and swiftly adjusted the one I had made a small mistake on.

Then I flipped my sheet over and put my feet up on the table to nap for the rest of the time. I could feel eyes upon me as I gently rocked my chair back and forth until Ibiki called time.

"Now you'll have noticed that the 10th question is blank. That is because it is special; you get to choose whether or not you answer it. And your answer will decide the future of your ninja career, you cannot proceed without answering this last question." The scarred man intoned solemnly.

"Then why wouldn't we answer it? If it decides so much then it's obvious that we would answer it." Temari spoke up condescendingly.

"The reason why you would choose not to answer is that if you get it wrong then you will remain a Genin forever and all hope for you to advance will disappear." That statement was met with outrage and disbelief, shinobi and kunoichi from every Village shouted out in protest and questioned his authority to do what he threatened.

"Quiet!" The T&I specialist bellowed, quieting the rowdy Genin. "Each and every one of your Villages and Kages gave me authority over you and your future when they sent you here to take these Exams, if you don't like it or can't hack it here then leave and try again next time when I'm not your instructor. Oh and if one of you quits then your entire team forfeits its right to answer the question."

People began to leave in droves, I quickly glanced around to make sure none of the other Leaf Genin I knew was going to leave and saw that even Sakura had a look of determination on her face. I sat back and smirked to myself, no inspirational speeches for me this time.

Many more people left than originally did so in canon, but that wasn't my problem. Finally it seemed as if the last participant willing to leave had done so and we were left with 15 teams, 45 Genin, willing to bet their careers on answering a question.

"All those of you who stayed…you all passed!" The scarred instructor called out anticlimactically.

"Haaaah!? What about the 10th question!?" Kiba screamed out in confusion, I noticed that he was wearing a new pair of pants rather than the slightly damp ones from earlier.

"Yeah, and were the other 9 questions pointless then?" Temari called out, sounding rather miffed.

"The key was in the third rule. You would only be penalized if you were caught cheating, and as the questions on that test were well above what a standard Genin could answer most figured out that cheating was necessary. Therefore we had several Chunins sneak into the exam to act as plants for the answers and it was up to the contestants to figure out how to get the answers from them. Those who cheated like fools, failed. However those who were able to collect information safely and stealthily succeeded. This test wasn't about knowledge, but about information gathering."

At this he removed his bandana from around his head and revealed the numerous scars that marred his bald dome. "Because sometimes information is worth more than your life, but wrong information can cost you your life. As for those who weren't willing to bet their futures on themselves and their teammates answering the 10th question…they do not deserve to be a Chunin! A Chunin must be a leader and make decisions under pressure, if there is a choice to proceed with the mission into the unknown or to go home having failed without having tried what should that leader choose? There is no choice but to forge ahead and adapt as the situation changes, that is what it means to be a Chunin leader."

Ibiki put his bandana back on and glared at us all again. "Those of you who bet your future have shown you have what it takes to make it in these exams. With this the first part of the Chunin Exams is over. I wish you all the best of luck for the rest of the exams."

"3…2…1" I counted down out loud, drawing everyone's attention and thoroughly anticipating what was to come.

As I called out the last number a gigantic banner flew in through the windows and was pinned to the wall by two kunai as it unfurled.

It read 'Second Examiner: The incomparably sexy and happily, yet tragically, taken Mitarashi Anko is here! Sorry girls, Blondie-kun belongs to me!'

My purple-haired (friend?) followed the banner in with a spinning flip and ending up standing straight with her hands on her hips, her chest thrust forward and bouncing with the force of her landing. She smiled proudly at us.

I couldn't help but call out "Weren't you the sexy and single Mitarashi Anko? When did you change it to taken? And why do I belong to you?"

"Blondie-kun! You shouldn't be shy about letting the world know that you captured the heart of your sexy Anko-nee. Do you like the sign? I knew you would make it through Ibiki's test, so I made it just to show off that I'm off the market, and now we get to have fun!" Anko's grin promised blood and misery along with pleasure and arousal in equal measure.

"Sure, sure, can you just lead us to the next area so we can get this thing started?" People were staring at us, heads turning back and forth as if not quite sure what to make of the two of us but knowing that it heralded something bad.

"Oi Ibiki! You passed 44 of the gakis and Blondie-kun? Are you losing your touch or what?" Anko seemed put off that there were so many people, even though there were 15 less than in canon at this point.

"Yes, all those here have the potential to become Chunin." Ibiki sighed with the feeling of someone dealing with an annoyance they have gotten used to, but still resented having around.

"Hmmm. Oh well, by the time I'm done with them I'll have cut at least half of them out. Some will probably even die!" With that auspicious threat Anko turned and bolted for the window. "Follow me gakis, if you get lost or don't make it to the next examination area then you fail." She fearlessly dove out of the window cackling madly all the while as the sound faded as she got farther away.

All I could do was shrug and Shunshin after her, disappearing in a swirl of wind.

* * *

When the rest of the Genin arrived I was reading my book on sealing and absently trying to keep Anko's hands out of my pants as she hung off of me. "But Blondie-kuuuuuuun, you won't let me have any of your blood, and now you won't let your Anko-nee have your milk either? How am I supposed to live? What am I supposed to drink after a bath or when I can't sleep? You'll make me think you don't love me anymore!"

"A-ano…should you be so…friendly towards Naruto-kun when you're the proctor, Anko-san?" Hinata asked shyly but not without some underlying jealousy and competitive spirit.

"Ahhh, no worries Hime-Cut-chan! As long as I don't provide any extra help to Blondie-kun then it's all good. Besides, Blondie-kun is the least likely to need my help out of everyone here." Anko flashed another grin before letting out a disappointed sigh.

"Although I suppose now that everyone is here I should do my job." She hopped up to stand on my shoulders. Inevitably drawing my eyes up with the movement and before I could force myself to look away I was treated by the sight of a flash of black lace under the mesh of her shorts.

Anko seemed to know exactly what happened regardless of how quickly I looked away. "You can see more later if you like Blondie-kun, but for now I've got to work. Alright gakis, the next portion of the Chunin Exams takes place in my home-away-from-home, The Forest of Death. Before we get started I need you all to sigh these forms, don't worry about them they are just wavers to relieve Konoha from the responsibility of your death if you kick it while in there."

"Ha, look at that bitch trying to scare us." Kiba laughed out, not taking Anko's warning seriously at all.

That changed when his face was cut by a flying kunai and she was suddenly behind him, holding his face in place as she lapped up his blood. "Ahhh blood from fresh, innocent gakis like you is the best…Oh! Except for Blondie-kun's blood, you know I like yours the best Blondie-kun!"

And with that everything played out like canon, with Orochimaru posing as the Kusa-Nin returning Anko's kunai, all of us getting a scroll, we had an earth scroll that I let Sasuke carry, and being told that we had 8 days to make it to the tower in the center of the forest.

Just before we were to take our turn being released into the trees I approached Anko. I leaned in close to her and spoke into her ear as she grinned at me and palmed my crotch. "That Kusa-Nin isn't normal, I don't think she is who she is pretending to be. Make sure you and whatever ANBU were assigned to this task are ready to go, I have a feeling that things are about to go down in a big way. I might even have to get a bit foxy if push comes to shove."

Her eyes widened momentarily before she grinned slyly at me. "If you wanted to hug your Anko-nee all you had to do was ask Blondie-kun! I'm sure you'll do fine in there, and if you do well we can play later. Not to mention I will be sure to reward you."

Impressed by how well she played that off I reached around and groped her ass with both hands. She gasped in surprise at first before moaning wantonly and pushing closer into me as I forced her up onto her tiptoes. "I just know that I will be seeing you later Blondie-kun."

Once we took off into the forest I pulled my team aside and pulled a brush and container of ink out of a storage seal. "Alright you two come over here, I'm going to put chakra recognition seals on us and link them up so that we will know if someone tries to impersonate any of us. It's just incase we are separated, better safe than sorry. Just to be extra secure and to throw others off the fake password is using Bakakashi-sensei in a sentence."

It wasn't too long until we were moving again, with me at point, Sakura in the middle, and Sasuke taking it up the rear, I mean taking up the rear. Honest mistake, really.

We had decided to head towards the tower and set traps all around the area, as either we would catch other teams in the traps or run into teams with the same idea. Not to mention I already had tons of traps and seals scattered throughout that area. It was at that time that the clones I had left scattered around the forest to man and reset the traps I had set over the last few weeks started to report in.

My clones had already taken down several teams on their own and the traps were only adding to the number of casualties. I created a clone and popped it to let them all know where I was and to instruct the clones nearest to my position to bring a heaven and an earth scroll and to keep the extra scrolls safe and sealed inside protected sealing scrolls.

As I was setting the pace, we were pushing to Sasuke and Sakura's limits in order to avoid Orochimaru, or at least have back up when he confronted us. However despite how much both of them had improved they were still slower than I wanted us to move, and the relatively frequent breaks began to wear on my nerves.

It was during one such break that two clones approached us and retrieved a heaven and an earth scroll from their respective sealing scrolls before I sealed them into a seal inscribed on my chest, to prevent it from being cut off obviously.

With a nod to me they both took off again, now going to join the other clones I had around us to act as scouts. Hax I tell you! Hax, there is nothing that Shadow clones cannot do given enough time!

We had made it over half way to the tower by my reckoning and I finally felt a faint stirring of hope that we might make it through this without encountering the Snake-Pedo. It was then that one of my clones popped and I cursed myself under my breath for jinxing it.

"Sasuke, Sakura, someone is coming. Someone stronger than me, Zabuza, and Kakashi, in fact he's probably strong enough to fight the three of us together, he's even stronger than Hokage-jiji. He'll look like a Kusa kunoichi at first, but make no mistake it is a he. If we get separated, try to escape or stall until I can make it back to you. Look after each other and remember to get to the tower as fast as you can if you are caught alone. DO. NOT. TRY. TO. FIGHT. You will die. He's most likely after you for your eyes Sasuke, he's known to covet their abilities."

I dumped as much info on my teammates as I could without confusing them while trying to impress upon them the seriousness of the situation. I may have overstated Orochimaru's strength, but once again it was better to be safe than sorry. Sakura looked unsure but nodded in acceptance, while Sasuke looked incredulous but ultimately followed my lead.

As we sped ahead my clones closed ranks around us until we were in a diamond of Shadow clones, all ready to step on a snake. They were the only reason why we weren't caught by surprise and I wasn't separated from my weaker teammates.

As the Pedo-Son-of-a-bitch melted out of a tree in front and slightly to the left of us and blurred through hand seals unleashing a "Wind Style: Great Breakthrough" One of my clones retaliated with the same Jutsu and popped as it was forced to use up the chakra that sustained it to counter the Sannin powered Jutsu.

A third of my clones diverted to engage while I continued on with my teammates and the other 2/3. I knew they wouldn't hold him for too long, but every second they did was another second we could use to get closer to the tower and the help within. Not to mention the clones I had waiting for this situation had already informed Anko and Hiruzen of exactly who we were dealing with, our locations and plan, and that he was attacking, well more like playing with, my squad.

So every moment he wasted on my clones was another moment that ANBU and the Hokage drew closer to us, led by the clones I had assigned the duty of being their guides. Not that they would miss my chakra signature once I really started going at it with the abomination.

Suddenly another third of my clones split off from us and headed back the direction we had come from, signaling the destruction of the final clone of the first third. I could only be thankful that the unused chakra they were made of returned to me after they were destroyed.

It was only a few minutes later that the final group of my clones peeled off and headed off to their doom. However I was getting a better feel of Orochimaru with each confrontation, and while he was not truly serious at the moment I could see the intricacies and preferences within his style of combat.

Quickly I released my resistance seals with a muttered Kai and a pulse of chakra through their matrices, preparing myself for the battle to come. All of my clones had been made while I was wearing my seals, so they were all moving at high Chunin to low Jonin speed and refraining from using too many Jutsu, and only those based around Wind Natured Chakra.

Hopefully this would lure our pursuer into a false sense of security with his, incorrect, knowledge of my capabilities. I didn't believe I could match a Sannin straight up, I wasn't that naïve, but I did think that I was good enough and close enough to their level to get one or two lucky punches in before surprise wore off. If the Sannin had a fault, it would be their arrogance, and Orochimaru was the worst of them in that regard. However he was also the most likely to survive whatever I threw at him.

"When I break off, continue on to the tower. Don't stop until you encounter the ANBU or Hokage-jiji, and don't even think about coming back for me." I loosened my Executioner's Blade in its sheath. "You'll only die." I honestly felt like such a badass at that moment, and it looked like Sakura was going to be sick and Sasuke was going to protest and ruin it for me. I formed three more clones to support and direct them before I imposed my will.

"GO!" I roared as I planted my foot on a branch and with a burst of speed turned around to confront a living nightmare.

Thankfully they went without another word, obviously pushing their limits hard to reach safety. I felt the last of my clones in the vicinity pop, knowing that the rest that were scattered through the Forest of death were all booking it to me after dropping their own resistance seals.

They had a chance of getting here if I could hold out for ten minutes or so, so I gave them a 50/50 chance of being able to make a difference beyond returning to me as chakra. Looking around for a good place to fight for my life I settled on a relatively unobstructed clearing. I landed, unsheathed my blade and slowly rolled my neck in a circle, appreciating the dramatic cracking that the tendons issued out into the still forest air.

"Now," I drawled out to the seemingly empty trees around me, "let's see what you're really made of."

Deranged yet oddly sibilant cackling echoed around me. "Ooooh my, but you are an interesting one, aren't you?" The form of the Kusa kunoichi slunk out of the tree line, half the skin of her face torn away to reveal another underneath. The second face had deathly white skin, as pure in color as new fallen snow, but with a sinister tint to it. However it was the shinning, golden eye set within what could have been purple makeup or a strange birthmark that disturbed me most.

"I suppose I am at that. The name is Uzumaki Naruto, who is it that I do battle with today?" Keep him talking. The longer I keep him talking the better chance I have at not only surviving, but also at winning.

"Oh and so polite too, a true shame that I won't be able to play with you as much as I'd like. However I have another prize in mind." Orochimaru seemed to be contemplating his answer before giving a minute shrug as if deciding to humor me.

He reached up and ripped the remaining skin of the Kusa-Nin off his face and gave me a grin. "You stand before Orochimaru of the Sannin, Uzumaki Naruto. Step aside and I shall leave you unharmed as you have made the chase so much sweeter."

You have no idea how much I have fucked with your 'chase' you sick fuck, and if I have my way then you won't realize it until your ass is filled with ANBU steel. That was what ran through my head, but I obviously couldn't say it aloud without ruining my plans.

Instead I offered the psychopathic monster a short, courteous bow. "Ah Orochimaru-sama, it is both an honor and a horrible twist in fate that I face off against you today." The snake grinned at this, obviously pleased with my behavior. "However I must refuse your generosity. I cannot help but conjecture that the person you are after is Uchiha Sasuke, a teammate of mine. Furthermore I can only reach the conclusion that you seek to place your Curse Seal on him and lure him away from Konoha to serve some future purpose revolving around his clan's Dojutsu."

I cocked my head at the deranged madman in question, as if checking to make sure I was correct in my deductions. He looked slightly surprised, highly amused, and moderately impressed as he offered a nod of confirmation.

Nodding my own head as if affirming my thoughts I continued. "Therefore as a shinobi of Konoha it is my duty to obstruct you in your pursuits to the best of my abilities, no matter how futile it may be." I added the last bit at the end when his face darkened momentarily at my presumption.

"You are an incredibly astute child and are very well informed." He turned his statement into a question.

"I am more than passably involved with your former pupil, one Mitarashi Anko." I offered up my explanation, buying a few more seconds even as I saw his muscles tense.

"I see, Anko-chan huh? Is she doing well? Still fighting the gift I gave her?" He actually seemed interested and to genuinely consider his Curse Seal as a gift.

"She is doing reasonably well, and yes from all appearances she still seems to be laboring under the obstruction of your seal." I subtly shifted my feet, readying myself to move in any direction at less than a moment's notice.

"Ahhh such a shame, she had such potential. Much like you now that I think about it. Hmmm, if you amuse me I will gift you my seal as well. So make sure to give your all and entertain me!" On the last word he launched himself forward, moving in blurring, serpentine, curves as he darted towards me.

Only to be forced to jump backwards with a large tear in his kimono-thing as Kubikiribocho eagerly raced out to meet him, surprising him slightly with the force and speed I could wield the giant blade along with the extra length provided by giving it an edge of wind natured chakra.

"Hooooh, you are interesting indeed Naruto-kun. Now, show me more!" He called as he rushed back in, avoiding my blade this time and countering the kick I aimed his way.

What ensued was a pure Taijutsu, and Kenjutsu on my part, battle. He wasn't as proficient as I was, nor was he as strong, but he was faster. Especially since I was still holding back slightly in order to lure him into overcommitting.

So far he was content to 'play' with me and either avoid or redirect all of my attacks, however he did collect quite a few scratches from the variable length of the cutting edge of the Hien, and his clothes were quite shredded after only a few exchanges.

"Very good Naruto-kun, but it's starting to get…" He rushed in at me as fast as I had seen him move, obviously intending on delivering a crushing and 'motivating' blow. "BORING!"

As he went to deliver his strike into my stomach I immediately resigned myself to taking the hit and returning one in return. My sword suddenly sped up and came crashing down towards the Snake Sannin. His eyes widened even as they developed a sudden gleam.

As his fist smashed into my already clenched abdominal muscles and I felt the air driven out of my lungs I bisected him with my blade. I had aimed to cut him straight down from head through crotch to prevent him from regurgitating an unharmed version, but he had altered the angle of his blow such that instead I cut him in half from shoulder to hip.

As black, tainted blood sprayed into the air and I was sent sliding backwards with my sandals trying to find traction on the ground beneath me he did just as I had hoped to prevent. A new, untouched Orochimaru stood before me, looking me over speculatively.

"So…you held back your speed with both your clones and in the first few exchanges in order to lure me into a trap when I overcommitted to an attack." The abomination in human form titled his head before a giant grin broke out on his face. "Brilliant, Naruto-kun. Simply brilliant, and very well executed. If I had been an instant slower that might well have done some extensive damage. Are you sure you are a Genin? Truly?"

"Yes, and it might surprise you to know I was the 'deadlast' of my graduation class as well." I grimaced as I gingerly felt my ribs, none were broken and the bruising was ignorable and would fade quickly with my healing factor.

He seemed shocked and perplexed before a look of glee stole over his face. "That makes no sense, how could someone as obviously gifted as yourself…" He broke out into his cackling again and threw his head back with the force of his laughter. "Deception is a ninja's greatest tool, is that not so Naruto-kun?"

"Indeed Orochimaru-sama." Well, it was. However that did not mean I had employed it, but somehow I felt he would want to dissect me if I told him that I was dumped in this body from another universe.

"Good." He purred. "Show me more Naruto-kun!" The madman sounded ecstatic as the roots of the trees around me came up to entangle my legs and arms, trapping me and rendering me immobile and helpless.

"Kai!" I yelled as I retracted and flared my chakra. I was just in time to whip Kiri-san (Kubikiribocho) up to intercept the Sword of Kusanagi from its path to sever my arm.

"Good, good." Orochimaru crowed happily.

Strike after strike. Clash after clash. The clanging of blade on blade and the thudding of flesh on flesh filled the clearing as we pitted our might against the other. Periodically the Pedo-Snake would attempt to snare me with Genjutsu and unfortunately I had to break those on my own, as Kurama and I were not yet on the best of terms.

Our positions had been reversed and I was hard-pressed to keep myself from being cut to ribbons due to his greater speed and familiarity with his blade. While I was good with Kiri-san, I was no master yet and the Snake Sannin had obviously devoted a significant amount of time to learn the use of his blade.

"Should we move on to Ninjutsu?" I asked my opponent as we separated and entered a lull in the battle.

"Oh? Why would we do that Naruto-kun? Are you not enjoying our game as is?" Came the amused response.

He knew he was at an advantage as we stood and neither of us had used Ninjutsu, but he had no reason to believe that I could compete with him in that area any more than I could compete with his mastery of Genjutsu with my admittedly underwhelming skills in that area.

I was good enough to escape even his best Genjutsu, primarily because I had so much chakra and was not shy about using it, but I still suffered damage and drained my reserves slightly every time I needed to do so. I did not even try to return fire with my own Genjutsu as I didn't yet know any higher level ones and my chakra control had only just gotten good enough to use them.

"As enjoyable as this is," I motioned at my rapidly healing wounds and my tattered outfit. "I think that you have determined where I stand in regards to Taijutsu, Kenjutsu, and Genjutsu. Admittedly Genjutsu is my weakest area in regards to shinobi arts, but I think it's time for the lesson to move on."

Once again letting loose a resonant laugh Orochimaru grinned at me. "You amuse me greatly Naruto-kun, it is a pity and a waste for you to remain in a place that will be as wasteful of your talent and potential as the Leaf. I believe at the end of our…'lesson'," I could hear the amusement at the term. "I will gift you my seal. And when the fools in the Leaf squander your gifts and attempt to hold you back, know that you have a place at my side."

After his speech and offer, which he did not give me the opportunity to respond to, he blurred through hand seals at a tremendous rate, one I could not compete with. Inhaling sharply and expanding his chest to such an extent that I wondered if he even had ribs he unleashed a torrent of roaring flames at me. "Fire Style: Grand Fireball"

It was only through the judicious employment of Shunshin that I escaped unscathed. "Well…damn." That really was an impressive Jutsu and definitely one that I wanted to learn in time. Another Shunshin took me away from the blade of his sword and another placed me behind him with my own blade already in motion.

I cleaved through his body, only for it to dissolve into mud. "Fuck! Mud clone!" I Shunshined a few more times to escape the retaliation I knew was coming, and sure enough another stream of fire hit and detonated upon the spot I had previously stood.

"Your use of the Shunshin is highly reminiscent of Uchiha Shisui. Were you taught by him in your younger years, or did you develop the skill on your own?" Even as he attempted to bifurcate me and burn me to ashes the Snake still managed to sound thoughtful and intrigued as he awaited my answer.

"On my own." I grunted out in between Shunshins as I circled him before renewing my assault. This time I unleashed my own Jutsu, channeling as much chakra as I dared into it.

"Beast Tearing Gale Palm" The brilliant blue, chakra infused claw of wind lived up to its name and tore through the Sannin, and ripping him from his feet even as it sundered the trees and even the very earth that existed within its path.

I was breathing a bit heavily at this point, hoping against hope that I got the sick fuck with that one. However I knew it wouldn't be that easy and as powerful as that Jutsu was, especially when I used it, and as fast as I could unleash it without hand seals I knew Orochimaru was too good to go down to that.

True to form he staggered out of the 20-meter, 65 foot, rut my Jutsu had torn through our surroundings. He looked haggard and injured, with blood running down his face and dripping from one uselessly hanging arm. However he just grinned, swallowed his sword and shed his skin, making it as if my attack had never happened. I knew he couldn't keep using that particular Jutsu for much longer, but I also knew he would stop fooling around soon and start fighting to kill instead of to maim and incapacitate.

While this battle had told me that I could push him and I wouldn't be put down easily, I had no delusions of pulling off an upset. I had two or three moves left that I could try, but each was more dangerous and hazardous to my health than the last. I only had one move left that might grant me victory without the risk of grievous self-harm or going berserk and possibly harming my allies…whenever the hell they actually got here.

"Time to end this Naruto-kun, I have spent far too much time with you already and as interesting and amusing as it has been I really must be off. Remember what I said about my gift and your place at my side, I could use someone like you." This was it, he was through playing around, I had bought as much time as I could and would have to go for the kill or lose in a drawn out yet inevitable beat down.

"Thank you for your offer Orochimaru-sama, I shall consider it and remember it should that situation ever arise." I nodded my head in an approximation of a bow without taking my eyes off of the Sannin.

"Then let us end the lesson!" Once again, as fast as anyone I had ever seen besides Guy with all of his weights off Orochimaru rushed me.

We fell into a dance of blade and man, elegantly and seamlessly gliding around one another, pirouetting through the blur of steel and the promise of death as intimately as any pair of lovers yet as opposed as mortal enemies. Flowing, flowing like water, sparking like the birth of flame, crashing with the rumble of thunder, whistling with the speed of the wind.

It had to end, and end it did. The dance ended with his hand buried in my gut, literally stabbed through skin and muscle to penetrate my guts.

I gasped in pain and shock as ruby, red blood rushed from the wound and coated his hand and wrist. A look of sickening joy was upon his serpentine face as he pushed his hand farther inside me. I weakly gripped his forearm, as if to stop him. My grip was too weak, however, to actually matter and he ignored it.

"Now Naruto-kun, enjoy my gift and the power that comes with it!" His neck extended suddenly, intent on sinking his fangs into my own much shorter neck.

However I had different plans. With a primal roar of agony and resolve I tightened my grip on his forearm until I was pulping the bones within and locked him in place even as lightning shrouded my form. His eyes widened in shock (badumbum) as again my ploy had worked.

In his arrogance and with the assurance that he was indeed the greater of us two he had overcommitted and put himself in a situation that I could take advantage of. And this time he had let his guard down fully. He couldn't escape the crushing, burning, electrifying grip I had on him, nor could he evade the sword, coated with crackling lightning as it streaked through the air.

The forward momentum of his own neck ensured that he had no time for adjustment, let alone escape. Just like that my blade cleaved straight through the center of his head and neck, following them back to his body and continuing its gruesome work. Blood and other fluids sprayed everywhere, slicking my face, clothes, and everything within a 10-foot radius.

I proceeded to cut, slash, burn, and generally obliterate every piece of the 'immortal' monster I could find, starting from the top and working my way down.

When I was sure I had gotten everything and I could not sense any sign of life despite searching as thoroughly as possible I released a long breath and sheathed my sword, giving it an affectionate pat. I also channeled a small amount of the Kyuubi's chakra to assist my natural healing factor in addressing my stomach wound. Then I went about gingerly removing my ANBU style chest piece and wrapping some spare bandages around myself to stem the bleeding and hold my intestines inside where I liked them.

It was only then that my clones arrived en mass, almost 60 of them arriving at once. I summarily had 20 of them pop, I needed the chakra if I was to maintain my Lightning Style Chakra Armor for long enough to catch up to my team ASAP and still be able to fight afterward. As I turned to take off in the direction of the tower I felt my danger sense twinge and immediately hurled myself sideways.

It was only my advanced speed and reflexes that saved me from a crippling wound. The mass influx of chakra and memories let me know that my clones had not been so fortunate.

Stiffly, feeling extremely reluctant to confirm what I knew from the memories of my dearly deceased clones, I turned my head until I was looking an extremely pissed and more than a bit wounded Orochimaru in the eye.

"Ah." The sound escaped me without consent.

The Snake Sannin looked like he had been through the wringer, blood dribbling from shallow cuts and deep gashes, notably the massive trough carved from his hairline directly through the center of his face and all the way through his crotch. The skin within the gash was blackened and looked like overcooked meat, blood oozed from the excruciating looking cracks in his ruined skin.

The man looked beyond pissed and completely insane at the moment, his eyes were wild and hazy with pain and rage. Well…his eye, as one of them had a giant, electrical burn blackening it into charcoal. He was also missing his right arm entirely from the elbow down, the wound also burned black by the electricity. In fact, most of his previously alabaster skin was now a cracked, sooty black. He looked like charred death, and it was terrifying.

"Youuuuuu." The voice that came from his ruined face, rolling off his split and blackened tongue, was a deadly cross between a croak and a hiss. It promised pain, suffering, misery, and a long and torturous death.

"Ah." I repeated, struck dumb by the sheer fact of his continued survival. "O-Orochimaru-sama…I…didn't see you there." I really had no idea what to say and was quite frankly terrified as I was really in no shape to use one of my two remaining trump cards and the other one was the more dangerous of the two by far. "Wow. You really live up to the reputation of being a Sannin. I was sure you had died after that."

He glared at me with his sole, baleful eye. "Your death will be a long and agonizing affair. Your screams will be heard throughout the Elemental Nations, and all shall know that it was because of my wrath!"

"I can see that you're kind of upset. However I do think you're over reacting, I mean one or two good sheddings and you'll be back to your old self!" I was in severe panic mode. I had thrown everything I could throw at him at the fuck and while he was certainly the worse for wear, the way he disposed of my clones told me that he had more than enough left to kill me as injured as I was. True I was healing faster than him, and had an extra eye and an arm, but I didn't know how long that would last.

Oh fuck it, I had come this far I might as well stick it out and try to drive him off, capture him, or just kill him here and let him resurrect out of some poor sap's Curse Seal.

"Chidori" I gave no warning as I blew through the familiar hand seals and gained yet another speed boost on top of my Lightning Style Chakra Armor.

I flew at him far faster than most people could comprehend. My speed had transcended merely Elite Jonin and reached the level of 'True' S Rank Nin, those of Kage class and above.

My hand plunged through his chest, unerringly seeking his heart, as the battered, renegade student of the 3rd desperately attempted to dodge. He had no such luck and only managed to move enough that I pierced half of his heart as opposed to all of it.

Blood erupted from his mouth even as another Orochimaru came flying out. This one had much-improved features; the black burns had receded into the lacerations that littered his body, his right arm had returned, and his tongue seemed to be merely forked as opposed to bisected.

However he did have a noticeable hole in his chest that was leaking blood and staining his now unmarked kimono-thing with a vermillion flower. Gasping and panting with rage and pain Orochimaru snarled at me in inarticulate fury.

I had been playing in the big leagues for real for the first time and I was tired and injured. I only had another few Jutsu in me before I was done and had to rely on Kurama's chakra instead. Yep, that was obviously my second trump card that was the more dangerous, for others I cared about, of the two.

Seeing no other option but to go for it I once again formed a Chidori in my right hand and in my left a swirling orb of screaming wind and chakra formed and bloated to enormous size. "Uzumaki Style: One Thousand Birds Hurricane Sphere" (Wind Style: Oodama Rasengan and Chidori dual wield)

I took off like a rocket. A rocket covered in electricity with a lightning bolt attached to one wing and a hurricane condensed into a ball on the other. This time he dodged my Chidori much better and I only managed to plunge it into his shoulder bone.

It was enough.

As my lightning covered hand, which was holding more lightning, pierced through the Snake and drove him through a tree only to pin him to another as once again blood shot from his maw. As his mouth gaped wide I saw the glimmer of a golden eye within the darkness of his throat.

'Not this time' I thought to myself as I roared my determination to the world and drove the giant ball containing a maelstrom directly down his open throat.

He literally exploded as the force of the winds and the direction I had given my final attack launched the meat bag that had been Konoha's most notorious traitor in recent memory away from me before plowing him into the earth where it dug a crater and lined it with gouges as hurricane force winds, sharpened beyond normal means by chakra and will, sought to unleash their fury on the world and the man that I had directed them towards.

My lightning coating petered out as I watched the attack rage. By the time its fury had been spent I was on my knees, blood trickling down my chin as I tried to keep myself steady. After all any man would have trouble staying upright if the world began spinning and shaking underneath him.

That had to have done it. There was no way he could have survived that. I refused to believe that anything that was or had been human could survive that unless it was an Edo Tensei or simple, fucking, bullshit.

Hacking coughs issued from the crater I had just created, sounding as if they were bloody and extremely painful. A few moments after a shredded, scarred hand reached over the lip and scrabbled for purchase. I was too tired to do anything about it, too spent and hurt to do anything but wait and see.

The cuts I had received were mostly healed, but my stomach wound was caught halfway as I was just about out of chakra. I knew it would heal almost instantly if I used the Kyuubi's chakra, but I didn't trust my control of it even when I was fresh, let alone in the shape I was in now.

When Orochimaru finally dragged his carcass over the lip of the crater I couldn't help but feel proud. He was gasping for air and obviously exhausted and in unmitigated pain.

Most of the wounds I had given him appeared to be newly healed scars, still tender and ready to split at any overexertion. Unfortunately, he had all of his limbs and while dangerously low on chakra and stamina, still seemed fully functional.

"Well…'Huff'…Fuck." I managed to gasp out.

"In…Indeed Naruto-k-kun." Came the thin response.

Nothing was heard beyond our labored breathing and hacking coughs. Finally I mustered up the courage and strength to speak again, this time I was more composed.

"So are you going to try to kill me again?" I couldn't help but ask sardonically. I would have lifted an eyebrow, but was too tired.

Hacking, wheezing laughter was his response. "No, once I am recovered I will simply deliver my gift unto you and then catch up to Sasuke-kun. I will need to hurry, I spent too much time playing with you and then you surprised me not once, but twice."

"I have one or two more surprises left in me yet." I supplied, enjoying the banter with Orochi-Pedo despite myself. What does that say about me? Ignore and go into denial. Everything is fine.

Pulling himself unsteadily to his feet Orochimaru once again grinned down at me where I knelt surrounded by the scars our battle had left on the land. "Now then Naruto-kun, stay still. This will only hurt for a bit." His neck once again raced at me.

I closed my eyes and called Kurama's caustic chakra to the surface and cloaked myself in it, feeling my wounds heal and my stamina and chakra replenish at an astounding rate. However I wouldn't be in time to stop myself from getting a hicky-tattoo.

Clang!

My eyes opened to the enchanting sight of a lovely, heart shaped derriere tantalizingly covered in mesh, with a tannish, orange miniskirt riding up the wide hips and slim waist attached to the amazing rear-end, fluttering with the speed of movement, and doing nothing to cover the glory laid bare to me. Except for the mesh, that ass was naked right in front of me.

I decided that I hated mesh in that moment. And Kishimoto for making Orochimaru so God-Damned-Un-Fucking-Killable.

Fuck you Kishimoto.

"Ah Anko-chan. An unexpected pleasure to see you again." Orochimaru sounded more tired than anything, but I thought I could detect a hint of slight happiness in his tone.

"Shut it you sick, traitorous bastard! ANBU apprehend that traitor!" The ass seemed to say with a wonderful jiggle. Then my brain kicked back into gear and I realized that the ass belonged to Anko, so Anko said that.

Silly brain, asses can't talk.

I managed to let go of the Kyuubi's chakra and felt it recede, leaving me tired, but lucid and relatively combat worthy once again. Gotta' love being a Jinchuriki at times like this, other times it's a pain in the ass for sure.

"Ugh, such an opportunity wasted. Until we meet again Naruto-kun, I will have you and Sasuke-kun. Whether I have to come and get you or you come to me yourself, someone with your power won't be content wallowing in the mediocrity here in Konoha. I'll see you again soon. Oh and Anko-chan, tell the Old Man that if he stops the Chunin Exams…I will destroy the Leaf." With that last threat Orochimaru took off into the trees, chased by a swarm of masked shadows.

"About…fucking…time you assholes showed up!" I complained as I fell back onto the ground and simply relaxed and relished in the feeling of being alive and relatively unharmed. Cracking an eye open to look up Anko's skirt and see that she was wearing something black and lacy today I couldn't help but ask. "What took you so long?"

A lascivious grin and a leer accompanied my answer. "A lady may take as long as she needs, it's the man's job to hold out until she comes." I really should have seen that one coming, but I was tired and had just fought off a Sannin. I deserved a break.

Of course it would be to the current situation of Anko standing over me, straddling my face with her feet and me looking up her skirt that Hiruzen would finally show up to. He arrived on scene ready for war and sent his ANBU squad after the others already hunting Anko's former sensei.

Then he looked at me and sighed in relief at finding me safe. Him finding Anko in close proximity to me followed that. I could tell he was surprised that she wasn't chasing after Orochimaru.

I know I was.

However he was also obviously glad she had stayed with me, before he realized our relative positions.

Anko was proudly standing over my face, chest out and hands on hips. I was flat on my back with my eyes alternating between looking at him, being drawn inexorably up Anko's skirt, and staring intently at the canopy of the forest.

"Well. This isn't how I expected to find you after or during an encounter with Orochimaru." Hiruzen stated in an incredibly bland voice that told me he would be relating this situation to Jiraya for the man's 'research'.

I just groaned. Fuck you Kishimoto.

* * *

And there it is. It was a long one, but the story is starting to come easier now that we're passed the intro arc.

Canon is now being Curb Stomped in the face by Shadow Clones.

To cut off any complaints, stats aren't exactly the be-all-end-all of who wins in a fight.

However they are a decent indicator of you overall capability and power as a Shinobi.

Most stats will be taken from Kishimoto's OFFICIAL wiki/Infobox and then adapted by the progression of the story.

* * *

Love it?

Hate it?

Have an idea how I could improve the story or the reading experience?

Let me know and I'll do my best to fix what I can and improve the rest.

And if you don't like it...

Well there are other fics out there that you will probably enjoy, so best of luck finding one that suits you.

Praise the Log!

Ja Ne

ViP out.

* * *

 **Ranking System**

 **1-9 = Civilian**

 **10-13 = Civilian that can access Chakra**

 **14-22 = Genin**

 **23-27 = Chunin**

 **25-27 = Tokubetsu Jonin**

 **28-31 = Jonin**

 **31.5-33.5 = Elite Jonin**

 **[32-35.5 = S Rank Nin]**

 **34-35.5 = Kage Class**

 **36-40 = Sage of 6 Paths Class**

* * *

 **Uzumaki Naruto (And Naruto still can't do Genjutsu even in my own SI fanfiction)**

 **Nin – 4.5**

 **Tai - 4.5**

 **Gen - 2.5**

 **Int – 4**

 **Str - 4**

 **Spd - 4**

 **Stm – 5**

 **HS - 4**

 **Total - 32.5**

 **Uchiha Sasuke**

 **Nin - 4**

 **Tai - 3**

 **Gen - 2**

 **Int – 2.5**

 **Str – 2.5**

 **Spd – 4**

 **Stm – 3**

 **HS – 3.5**

 **Total – 24.5**

 **Haruno Sakura (No longer useless, just not useful)**

 **Nin - 2.5**

 **Tai – 2**

 **Gen – 3.5**

 **Int - 4**

 **Str – 1.5**

 **Spd – 2**

 **Stm – 2**

 **HS – 4**

 **Total – 22**

 **Hatake Kakashi (Stopped moping and started to Ninja again)**

 **Nin – 5**

 **Tai – 4.5**

 **Gen – 4**

 **Int - 5**

 **Str - 4**

 **Spd – 4.5**

 **Stm – 3**

 **HS – 5**

 **Total – 35**

 **Rock Lee**

 **Nin - .5**

 **Tai – 4.5**

 **Gen - .5**

 **Int – 1.5**

 **Str – 4**

 **Spd – 4.5**

 **Stm – 3.5**

 **HS – 1**

 **Total - 20**

 **Yamanaka Ino**

 **Nin – 3.5**

 **Tai – 3**

 **Gen – 2**

 **Int - 3**

 **Str – 2.5**

 **Spd – 3.5**

 **Stm – 3**

 **HS – 3**

 **Total – 23.5**

 **Hyuga Hinata**

 **Nin – 2.5**

 **Tai – 4**

 **Gen – 2**

 **Int – 3.5**

 **Str – 1.5**

 **Spd – 3.5**

 **Stm – 3**

 **HS – 2.5**

 **Total – 22.5**

 **Mitarashi Anko (Strong women are sexy)**

 **Nin – 4**

 **Tai – 3.5**

 **Gen – 4**

 **Int - 2**

 **Str - 4**

 **Spd – 4**

 **Stm – 4.5**

 **HS – 3.5**

 **Total – 29.5**

 **Nara Shikamaru**

 **Nin – 3.5**

 **Tai – 2**

 **Gen – 3**

 **Int - 5**

 **Str - 2**

 **Spd – 2.5**

 **Stm – 2**

 **HS – 3**

 **Total – 23**

 **Akimichi Choji**

 **Nin – 4**

 **Tai – 2.5**

 **Gen – .5**

 **Int – 1.5**

 **Str - 4**

 **Spd – 1.5**

 **Stm – 2.5**

 **HS – 1.5**

 **Total – 18**

 **Hyuga Neji**

 **Nin – 3.5**

 **Tai – 4.5**

 **Gen – 2**

 **Int - 3**

 **Str - 3**

 **Spd – 4**

 **Stm – 2.5**

 **HS – 3**

 **Total – 25.5**

 **Higarashi Tenten**

 **Nin – 3**

 **Tai – 4**

 **Gen – 2**

 **Int – 2.5**

 **Str - 2**

 **Spd – 4**

 **Stm – 2.5**

 **HS – 2.5**

 **Total – 22.5**

 **Aburame Shino**

 **Nin – 4**

 **Tai – 2**

 **Gen – 2.5**

 **Int – 3.5**

 **Str - 2**

 **Spd – 2**

 **Stm – 3**

 **HS – 2**

 **Total – 21**

 **Inuzuka Kiba**

 **Nin – 3**

 **Tai – 3**

 **Gen – .5**

 **Int – 1.5**

 **Str – 3.5**

 **Spd – 4**

 **Stm – 2**

 **HS – 1.5**

 **Total – 19**

 **Umino Iruka**

 **Nin – 3.5**

 **Tai – 3.5**

 **Gen – 3**

 **Int – 4.5**

 **Str - 3**

 **Spd – 3**

 **Stm – 3**

 **HS – 4**

 **Total – 27.5**

 **Sarutobi Hiruzen (Jiji hit the gym!)**

 **Nin – 5**

 **Tai – 5**

 **Gen – 5**

 **Int – 5**

 **Str – 3**

 **Spd – 4**

 **Stm – 3.5**

 **HS – 5**

 **Total – 35.5**

 **Temari**

 **Nin – 3**

 **Tai – 2.5**

 **Gen – 1.5**

 **Int – 3.5**

 **Str - 3.5**

 **Spd – 2.5**

 **Stm – 2.5**

 **HS – 3**

 **Total – 23**

 **Kankuro**

 **Nin – 4**

 **Tai – 2.5**

 **Gen – 2**

 **Int - 3.5**

 **Str - 3**

 **Spd – 2**

 **Stm – 3.5**

 **HS – 4**

 **Total – 24.5**

 **Gaara (Transformation not included)**

 **Nin – 4.5**

 **Tai – 2**

 **Gen – 2.5**

 **Int - 3.5**

 **Str - 2**

 **Spd – 2**

 **Stm – 5**

 **HS – 4**

 **Total – 25.5**

 **Kabuto Yakushi**

 **Nin – 4**

 **Tai – 2.5**

 **Gen – 4.5**

 **Int – 5**

 **Str – 3**

 **Spd – 3.5**

 **Stm – 3**

 **HS – 4.5**

 **Total – 30**

 **Orochimaru (Pedo-Kage of Oto)**

 **Nin – 5**

 **Tai – 3.5**

 **Gen – 5**

 **Int - 5**

 **Str – 3.5**

 **Spd – 4.5**

 **Stm – 3.5**

 **HS – 5**

 **Total – 35**


	6. Chapter 6

Not much to say besides that I was lazy and didn't have much inspiration to write for a while. The story will not be dead unless I specifically say so, so if this happens again please message me and encourage me to write!

* * *

2 things before we begin.

FIRST: I know what a Trap is in Japanese/anime/manga culture, I just have never encountered such a thing in real life and don't think it would happen without extensive surgery. Granted 'Sexy no Jutsu' and Tsunade's young facade exist so Haku could be using something like that...but I highly doubt it. Therefore as it is MY FANFICTION, I get to say that Haku is simply a TROLL instead. So there Flaming-Mc-Flamer Guest-san!

SECOND: THANK YOU! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, DM'd me, Followed, or Favorited this story and stuck around as I went MIA for a few months.

Now. Read My Friends! READ! (Someone had a Monster Energy Drink Today)

* * *

Chapter 6: Just a Taste! The 'Perfect' Fruit & Enter the Storm!

Jiji ordered me to report immediately in a commanding voice and I could finally see him as the 3rd Hokage rather than the slightly perverted, but wise, old, Sandaime-jiji.

I gave a fairly comprehensive, yet truncated description of my encounter with his former student while staring at Anko's battle underwear, very literally the underwear she wore to battle her former sensei…gives new meaning to lace thongs being 'dangerous'.

Although Jiji wanted me to go into more depth about my battle with Orochimaru he did not have the time for a full report, and was forced to leave to join in the pursuit of the snake, lest the Sannin escape.

Vanishing in a blur of speed, only his voice was left behind, ordering me to rejoin my teammates and prepare myself for a more thorough debriefing before the start of the next test.

"Well…so much about today sucked." I breathed out a wistful sigh as I strained my eyes to try to make out more of Anko's sacred garden. Attempting to see beyond the shadows her skirt cast, past the obstruction of her mesh shorts, and finally through the enticing, black lace of her panties.

"I can see why you hate the guy so much, he's totally unreasonable in so many ways. I call hax. A stupid amount of hax, and this is coming from me who is the King of Hax." I couldn't muster the will to move as I had such a nice view and despite the accelerated healing that came from channeling Kurama's chakra, my stomach still hurt from having a fucking hand shoved into it!

Anko didn't respond for a moment before she suddenly decided that my chest was a perfectly good seat and straddled it. I was torn on whether to curse her or thank her as her weight settling on me hurt like a mother, or to sing hymns of praise as her choice of seat brought her crotch right in front of my face. Hence giving me an even better and less obstructed view.

Give me a break, I'm a hormonal teenager, for the second time, and I just battled a Sannin here, you know.

"Not that I really mind having you give me a show, but could you be a bit more gentle? I mean I did just fight off your old sensei and all that. Having a hand shoved into your guts hurts, even for me, you know?" I couldn't help but complain playfully. "But what are you doing here with me? Shouldn't you be out there chasing down that Pedo-Snake?"

"Hey Naruto." The serious, almost meek, and totally sincere tone to her voice had me immediately tearing my gaze from her groin and refocusing on her glistening eyes.

She couldn't be fighting back tears…could she? Not Anko, certainly not. However no matter my denials and surprise, the glossy layer of unshed tears did not leave her milk chocolate eyes as they stared at me.

"I…I'm really glad that you're okay. I was so worried when your clone told me what was happening. I-I don't know what I would do if…if…" She trailed off there with a slight sniffle.

This time there was no denying that the gleaming trails of liquid on her cheeks were tears. So with a sigh I hefted myself into a sitting position and pulled Anko into my chest, wrapping her up in my arms.

It was at this moment that I was especially glad for my recent growth, as I could almost completely envelop her in my embrace. "Shhhh, it's okay. I'm fine, everything will be alright." I soothed her with gentle caresses of her hair.

"He's taken so much from me. And I finally found something good, something he hadn't tainted, that he hadn't touched, and then he tried to take that from me too." She sniffled and buried her face into my neck, rubbing it from side to side.

"He was trying to take you from me! I was so scared and so angry that I left even before the ANBU and the Hokage. I just had to get to you as soon as possible. I had to help you. I can't lose you too. I don't think I would be able to take it, especially if it was him who took you from me."

I couldn't help but take a big breath at that. There it was, she as much as came out and told me that she had feelings for me, deep feelings.

Whether that was as family or as a man I couldn't determine from her words and despite her provocative actions I couldn't simply assume it was the latter as she would probably act the same in the case of the former.

That was just the kind of fucked up person Mitarashi Anko was.

"Hey. I'm all right. I fought him off and held out until you could get here. Hell, I didn't even let him give me a hicky! I almost killed him this time and I've got his measure now. The next time we meet I'll be even stronger and I won't let him get away. Then we won't have to worry about him ever again." I tightened my grip to help reassure the woman in my arms.

Never would I imagine Anko reacting like this. Raging, making death threats, laughing, and cursing would have been my bet. This Anko didn't seem like the murderous and crazy kunoichi I had come to know. This Anko seemed fully sane, scared, and vulnerable.

"Yeah…yeah I know you will Naruto. You wouldn't be my Blondie-kun if you didn't." I could hear a hint of a smile return to her voice.

"Just…just promise me that you won't leave me. Don't go dying on me and leaving me alone again, okay?" Anko raised her face and leaned back to look up at me, her face intimately close to mine.

I swallowed thickly and had to fight the strong urge to kiss her and take her right there. Despite the ANBU I could sense all around us, damned hormones.

I had no intention of dying anytime soon, especially at the hands of Orochi-Pedo, and despite how crazy she normally was I had come to truly care for Anko, so it took no thought at all the nod my head in agreement.

"Of course. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future S-Rank Ninja, future Hokage of the Leaf, and the Golden Storm after all-ttebayo!" I cheered before my face blushed crimson and I clapped a hand to my mouth in horror.

"…" Anko's eyes widened comically until they were the size of balloons before her face began to turn red and she started to tremble. "BUAHAHAHAHAAAAA! What was that!?" She howled with laughter as she fell against me and beat my chest hysterically.

"Shut up, it's a verbal tick that I had for a long time, I've almost gotten rid of it!" I considered for a moment before adding something more personal to take advantage of the unintentional mood break. "I think I got it from my mother, for some reason I just have a feeling that she had one as well."

"Ahhhhh that was great! Do it again Blondie-kun-ttebayo! It's such a cute verbal tick-ttebayo!" Anko cackled as she mocked me mercilessly. I just knew that I would not hear the end of this if I didn't retaliate quickly.

"At least I wasn't the one crying." I raised an eyebrow and eye-smiled condescendingly at her. "Maybe I should tell everyone about how I'm so important to you that you cried when you found out I was saf-" I was cut off from my teasing by a kunai pressed against my throat.

"Mention that to anyone and you'll wish you had died!" The crazy was back in her eyes and Anko had returned to being Konoha's Snake-bitch with a vengeance.

A seal-less Kawarimi later and she was sitting on a log. All hail The Log, for The Log provides!

"Sure, sure. Of course the big, bad Snake-Bitch doesn't care about me and she didn't cry after finding out I was safe after fighting a S-Rank Missing-Nin. She especially didn't make me promise not to die and leave her alone." I said with perfectly affected nonchalance and disinterest as I waved a hand about vaguely.

A dark aura rose around the Tokubetsu Jonin as she smiled a dangerous smile.

"Oh! Look at the time! I have to catch up to my teammates and complete the task, sorry Anko-chan, see you later. Got to go!" So saying I bravely charged ahead to meet up with my team, I was most certainly not fleeing.

It was a tactical retreat at worst.

I had fought Orochimaru head on, there was no way I was scared of a woman weaker than me.

Totally.

* * *

Meeting up with my team was surprisingly easier than expected. A quick shadow clone and pop, and the subsequent pop of one of the clones I sent with my team and I was on my way.

The entire battle with Orochimaru from the time I left my team till I left Anko had only taken roughly 20 minutes total. So I was able to catch up fairly easily and quickly due to the difference in our respective speeds, me being much faster and more awesome.

Obviously.

Sasuke still threw shuriken at me despite my clones assuring them that I was the real me, me giving the 'fake' password, 'Bakakashi sends his regards' and the chakra recognition seal clearly stating that I was the real me. He excused it with the reasoning that it couldn't hurt to be too careful.

Prick.

I glossed over the fight as quickly and vaguely as possible, and emphasized the arrival of the ANBU as the deciding factor of my survival and relatively unharmed condition despite my earlier assertion about the enemy Nin's strength.

Although they were skeptical Sasuke and Sakura seemed to accept my explanation, after all the reputation of the ANBU forces was nearly mythical in the village.

We reached the tower without incident, most teams were far too busy dealing with the traps my clones and I had rigged throughout the forest to fight anyone as they tried to simply survive and reach the tower within the time limit.

Even with Orochimaru causing a slight delay, we were still the first team to reach the tower, within 80 minutes, and finish. Not to brag, but the Sand Siblings took 97 minutes to do the same in canon, yeah I'm pretty badass.

Taking the two scrolls from the seal on my chest I crossed them and threw them on the ground where they released an explosion of smoke that cleared away to reveal Iruka-sensei.

A small, boring speech about how proud he was of us and how he wished us the best of luck for the remainder of the exams later and we were finally able to shower, change clothes, and eat before falling into the beds provided in our personal rooms.

We had several days remaining before this part of the test would officially end, so we could take the opportunity to relax and get a bit of training in if we desired. For now I would sleep, tomorrow my clones and I would be busy.

The short few days passed as teams trickled in. I didn't see anyone besides at meals, outside our respective rooms, and occasionally during my physical training.

The first group that arrived after us was the team from Suna. Apparently they arrived not long after we did, completing the exam in 180 minutes or 3 hours, thanks to my traps.

My team and I were eating the day after we arrived when we first encountered them, and I simply waved with an eye-smile and a "Yo" towards Tamari before returning to my meal. I mysteriously made vanish into my mouth without removing my mask, just like Kakashi, much to Sakura's bewilderment.

"You guys got here fast!" The sand kunoichi exclaimed as she made her way over after glancing warily at Gaara. The homicidal ginger was staring intently at me without blinking.

"Mah mah, we would have been here faster but had to deal with an unexpected issue. Still I suppose it wasn't a bad time. You did pretty well yourselves, second place after us!" I complimented her and her brothers while also unsubtly praising my own team as better than them.

"Hn. It's to be expected from an elite, any less would shame the name Uchiha." Sasuke smirked.

I nearly face palmed at the sheer arrogance of this dude. He didn't even do anything, it was all my clones and me.

Ignoring the 'elite' I smiled at Tamari again and continued our conversation for a few minutes before a spike of bloodlust caused it to crash to a halt.

"Uzumaki Naruto, you are strong." Gaara said as he glared at and moved closer towards me.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?" I couldn't help but to snark back at him, rotating my hand as if to say 'get to the point'.

"Mother wants your blood! I will kill you and feed your blood to Mother, and your death will prove my existence!" He screamed with wild eyes, a maniacal smile, and spittle flying from his mouth.

"Okay where to begin?" I struck a thinking pose, completely unfazed by the unhinged psychopath in front of me, threatening my life. "First that's not your 'Mother', that's Shukaku the tailed beast sealed inside you."

Tamari and Kankuro both went wide-eyed and gasped, but I continued over them without letting anyone else react further.

"Second you're not strong enough to kill me or feed my blood to SHU-KA-KU. Lastly, my death wouldn't prove your existence even if by some miracle you did kill me. It would only leave you just as hollow as you are now and you'd be forced to try and kill someone else. Only by cherishing and protecting those close to and important to you will that hollowness be filled." I completed my sermon for the day and stood before leaving an apoplectic Jinchuriki and his dumbfounded siblings behind me.

I avoided interacting with others outside of what was necessary after that in order to focus on my training. I was putting the finishing touches on some techniques and Jutsu I was working on and I eventually gave my detailed report to Jiji.

Unsurprisingly, to me at least, the Snake Sennin had gotten away in the end, but amazingly, also to me, Jiji had managed to injure him even more before the bastard made his escape.

I guess I hurt him more than I thought, that or Jiji had been practicing more often recently.

Finally came the day of the time limit, the day of the preliminary exam.

* * *

It seemed certain things really were destined to occur, as those that arrived at this stage were exactly the same as in canon. Which was really disappointing after I spent all that time laying traps.

Granted everyone besides the Suna-nin and my team had apparently faired far worse than in canon. Even Kabuto was disheveled and relatively low on chakra for a Jonin caliber shinobi. Not even mentioning the battered and clearly dead on their feet Oto-nin/Rookie 9.

Hiruzen gave his speech on the true purpose of the exams and we were sent up to the viewing balcony as Hayate Gekko took over the examination.

"Sasuke-kun! Naru-kun~!" A blonde, purple clad, missile impacted my back as my team arrived up on the ledge after the boring speech Jiji gave. Well to be fair it was very dramatic and impactful the first time, but I had watched that scene quite a few times in my past life.

The missile was obviously Ino, and she had apparently decided that I was due to be glomped as she refused to move and insisted that I should carry her.

I gave in with a put upon sigh as I felt killing intent directed at the girl on my back from a certain Tokubetsu Jonin standing beside Jiji.

"Hmm? Naru-kun, why is the examiner for the second task glaring at me like that? Could it be that she's jealous that I'm so close with my Naru-kun?" Ino asked in faux ignorance and shock, knowing about my odd relationship with Anko, as she pressed herself closer to me and smirked at Anko before sticking out her tongue.

Anko replied by sticking out her tongue and extending it almost 2 feet into the air. Who said she wasn't exceedingly mature for a woman her age and position?

However it was a direct hit as Ino immediately gasped and whipped her head around to look at me. "SHE TAUGHT YOU THE TONGUE THING!?"

"OW!" I clapped a hand to my ringing ear and glared at Ino over my shoulder. "No more banshee shrieks, I thought we had been over this!"

"Sorry, I was just surprised…is all. Besides a woman like her taught you that technique and that means..." Ino bashfully tapered off.

"Yeah Anko and I are pretty close, I spend quite a bit of time around her. Is there a problem with that or a reason I shouldn't?" I asked out of honest curiosity and a slight desire to tease my fellow blonde. I was sure that she was still stuck on Sasuke at this point, and we were 13, so I wasn't really thinking much about her strange reaction.

"No! Nothing like that, just that she seems…I don't know, kind of off. Hmph." My temporary barnacle replied with all the offended dignity that she could muster.

"Well…all right then." I scratched the back of my head and decided to ignore the situation, there were more important things at the moment and girls liking me would only really matter to me once I (and the girls) were at least of Shippuden age.

Things initially proceeded as expected with Kabuto retiring, and then Sasuke absolutely destroyed his chakra-absorbing opponent, as he didn't have the cursed seal affecting him.

Shino blew up Zaku's arms, which was disturbing to see in person. Kankuro killed his opponent with Karasu, also a slightly gruesome sight.

However when the time for Sakura and Ino to fight came, things were drastically different from the anime/manga. No longer were the girls barely better than civilians, now they were proficient Genin in their own right.

Despite that, most of the fight was through basic, utility Jutsu and Taijutsu. Once again Inner Sakura helped my pink haired teammate to throw off Ino's family, body transfer-Jutsu, but it wasn't enough to save her as her opponent simply had a more solid foundation than her. Which was definitely due to Ino's training with the bushy-brows and me.

So in a surprising change, Ino moved on to the finals.

Finally Ino came running back up and alternated between attempting to get Sasuke to praise her and wondering whom my opponent would be and how badly I would beat them. After watching Temari's slightly more difficult fight against Tenten and Shikamaru out think and position Kin, as before, it was my turn.

Uzumaki Naruto vs. Inuzuka Kiba.

"Haha! It's our time to shine boy! We got lucky, we got the Dobe so it'll be an easy win!" Seemingly forgetting that I had put him on the floor with only my killing intent, and easily dispatched an Oto-Nin while doing so, Kiba ran his mouth.

I simply looked at him to check if he was serious and then face palmed. "He really can't be this stupid…can he? Please tell me he's joking? Someone. Anyone?" I raised my voice at the end in desperation to disprove the fact that Kiba had to have a severe learning disability.

"What? You scared Dobe? I mean fighting a REAL ninja like me might be too much for a moron like you, but I promise I won't beat you down too hard!" The dog barked at me, not seeming to realize it was barking at a tiger.

Akamaru on the other hand whined and hid behind Kiba while shaking his head in denial of his human's idiocy.

"Fine. FINE! Let's just get this over with. Kami I can't believe someone this thick and narcissistic actually exists!" I threw my hand up into the air and Shunshin-ed down into the ring.

I could hear Anko's bellowing laughter as Gekko tried to maintain his composure and cover his own laughs with coughs. Even Hiruzen was struggling to maintain a straight face as the difference in strength between Kiba and myself was readily apparent to anyone of Chunin caliber, or above.

And it was certainly not in his favor.

As soon as Gekko said "Begin!" I quickly reach back into my shuriken pouch and whipped out…my book!

Then I squatted down and began to read the little green book.

Obviously it was a book on sealing and not Icha Icha, but the resemblance to Kakashi still had every Jonin-sensei present turning to look back and forth between me, reading my book as I squatted, and my sensei, reading his book as he leaned against the balcony railing.

"What. Have. You. Done." Ground out an unreasonably furious Kurenai, obviously able to tell that Kiba was outclassed and not happy about it, but even more upset that a 'second Kakashi' had appeared.

"YOSH! I must agree with Yuhi-san, it is most UNYOUTHFUL to not face an opponent with your full attention and strength. The Naruto-kun I know would not do such a disrespectful thing. What have you to say about this my eternal rival?" Gai chimed in with his two…ryu? Saying cents wouldn't make sense in this world, ha!

"Hmm? The two of you say something?" Was Kakashi's response as he glanced up from his smut, I mean book. "Oh look, my favorite student is fighting. Oh. Oh no. It looks like your student did a good job of ticking Naruto off Kurenai, I'd recommend you tell him to give up before he gets hurt and humiliated." With that the Cyclops went back to reading and let out a perverted giggle. "Oh Yukino-chan, you minx!"

"What…you-you're…reading?" Kiba was so astonished that he couldn't process what he was seeing.

"Hmm? You say something dog-boy?" I looked up and eye-smiled before going back to reading.

"You're not even taking this seriously! Fine I'll beat it into you what a real shinobi is like, let's go Akamaru!" Kiba flipped a pill to Akamaru who swallowed it while letting out a whimper of protest that was ignored. Then there were two Kiba's standing before me.

"Man-Beast Ultimate Taijutsu: Fang Over Fang"

Twin cyclones came barreling towards me at high speeds, well, high speeds for a high Genin or low Chunin. Without looking up from my book I simply waited and at the last moment I turned my body slightly, tucked my book back against my wrist and formed two half tiger seals with each hand.

Kakashi's eyes popped wide with shock as he let out an involuntary noise. "That-!"

My eyes flashed as my voice rang out, pregnant with power. "Leaf Village Secret Finger Jutsu Uzumaki Style: Two Thousand Years of Death" I then drove my fingers forward with speed surpassing that of the cyclones.

Immediately the cyclones were dispelled and the sight of two Kibas impaled upon my extended fingers was seen as if frozen in time.

Then as if the moment had occurred just to make sure that everyone could see his humiliation the Inuzuka and his partner were sent flying forward into the wall, screaming in pain and humiliation all the way, where they created identical craters before falling to the ground where they lay twitching.

I causally pulled out a water bottle and some soap from a seal and rinsed my hands before beginning to read my book again as I moseyed up to the twitching heaps and sat on Kiba with a peace sign.

Winner Uzumaki Naruto.

I ignored the stares, reproaching and otherwise as I returned to my spot by my team with a quick Shunshin.

"C-congrats Naruto." Sakura congratulated me in a slightly hesitant manner. I rewarded her with an eye-smile. I wonder why it didn't seem to reassure her.

"Hn." No, really, you don't need to be so effusive with your praise Sasuke. Please think about your stoic and broody image!

"Good job. I like that technique, where did you learn it?" Kakashi asked mildly, but was internally filled with curiosity.

"Oh, I picked it up somewhere or another." I replied equally as mildly. "Maybe the Sharingan isn't the only way to copy techniques." I eye-smiled at him innocently. Game on Cyclops, you don't know who you're dealing with.

Why was I being passive-aggressive to Kakashi? Because I knew that he would be leaving me without a trainer, although I technically didn't really need one.

That was beside the point! He was my sensei and I knew that he would be leaving without setting up anyone to help me out.

Watching Hinata duke it out with Neji was a sight, the surprise the so-called 'genius' had when she could keep up with him was hilarious. Unfortunately my little, white-eyed Hime hadn't developed enough to deal with her jerk cousin yet and ended up losing. Thankfully without a Juken strike to her heart.

I'm not sure I could have prevented myself from killing the fate-obsessed prick otherwise.

Then it was time for the Penultimate fight, Gaara vs. Lee.

"Gai-sensei." I called out to my Taijutsu sensei.

"Ah! Naruto-kun, CONGRATULATIONS on you victory! However you won in a most UNYOUTHFUL manner, I will have to climb the Hokage Monument 10 times with only my teeth to repent my failure as your teacher! AND IF I CANNOT DO THAT-" The ever exuberant Jonin began before I cut him off.

In a serious tone, looking him straight in the eye I spelled out the situation as best as I could without giving away the fact that I knew things that I shouldn't. "Gai-sensei. You need to let Lee fight without his weights from the beginning and give him permission to use it."

The Taijutsu master's face sobered immediately as he stared at me seriously. "Why do you say such a thing Naruto-kun? You know the potential repercussions of using it."

I nodded stiffly and maintained eye contact to express the firmness of my belief and my certainty in my reading of the situation. "Because he's going against a psychotic Jinchuriki that kills to 'prove his existence'."

Gai's eyes flashed wide before he whipped around and bellowed down to his mini-me. "Lee, take them off! Go full force from the beginning and if you must then you have my permission to use it! Let your FLAMES OF YOUTH explode!"

Lee's eyes also widened to impressive size before he snapped into a salute. "Hai! Gai-sensei!" He then stepped back and unstrapped his weights, holding them in the air.

"Hmph, really now, how much difference can a few measly pounds make?" Temari asked, sounding ignorant and condescending.

"A few pounds? Not much, maybe enough to provide a slight edge." I replied lazily. Then I waved to indicate Lee as he threw his weights behind him. "That many pounds? A big difference."

The weights crashed into the floor and created craters and dust clouds that rose into the air.

Temari's jaw dropped to the floor. I mean literally to the floor. I mean I could crawl through her mouth easily.

Sometimes I forget I'm living in a manga/anime world, then weird shit like this happens and it's kind of hard to take things seriously.

"Gai-sensei." I grabbed the spandex clad man's attention one last time before the match began. "If at anytime Lee is caught in the sand…end the fight and rescue him. It won't end well if you hesitate in order to spare his pride."

A hesitant nod was all I received as confirmation that he had heard my warning. I could only hope that he would heed it.

Lee was even stronger now than he would have been in canon and he was pretty ridiculous then, not to mention that he was going full out from the start.

This let him kick the ever loving shit out of Suna's Jinchuriki, but eventually he was forced to use it even with this advantage. By it I was of course referring to the 8 Gates.

This time Lee actually caught Gaara with the Reverse Lotus as he opened the first gate, not falling for the sand substitution. He dealt immense damage to Gaara even with the latter's sand armor and a cushion of sand as a landing pad.

After that Gaara went berserk and created more and more sand, forcing Lee to utilize more of The Gates to escape and continue fighting on an even level.

It was all in vain however when after delivering a devastating roundhouse kick through a shield of sand to Gaara's side, the sand latched on to Lee's leg.

The green clad boy attempted to extricate himself even as his opponent spat out "Sand Burial".

I looked on, knowing I wasn't yet fast enough to reach them in time to save my friend's leg. And the one who was, the one I had warned to do so had hesitated at the critical moment as he watched his favorite pupil struggle to keep fighting.

Blood squirted from Lee's leg as the sand brutally crushed it into a messy pulp just before Gai arrived and extricated his student. "Enough, you have won. My student admits defeat."

"The winner is Sabaku no Gaara." Gekko hurriedly chimed in.

"It's not enough! I need blood! I need to feed Mother his bloooooooooood!" Wailed Gaara, never having looked more deranged than in that moment.

"Gaara enough! Remember the reason we are here!" Baki, his Jonin-sensei scolded him harshly.

Thankfully it was just enough to rein the unstable Nin in, as good of an ally as Gaara was later on in the series I wouldn't trade anyone here, now, for a potential ally that my advent in this world might have served to render impossible to obtain.

Dosu faced off against Choji once again and even with a heavily bandaged and recently reattached hand he managed to make the…husky…boy look like a pushover.

I glanced at Asuma to gauge his reactions. He was absently mouthing an unlit cigarette and glancing between Sasuke and me and his own two students that would be advancing while nodding to himself, seemingly pleased.

I felt slightly happy for him, as even though I didn't strictly need him to teach me about Wind Chakra Nature Transformations, it made it a lot easier for me to explain things because he did. Therefore I had a pretty good impression of the Sarutobi, not to mention that he was Jiji's son.

After that things proceeded without a hitch.

The Final Test would be a series of solo fights in a month.

I was fighting Neji. Sasuke was assigned to Gaara, Kankuro to Shino, Temari to Ino and Shikamaru to Dosu.

The only difference was that with the addition of Ino, Temari had someone to fight in the first round and Shikamaru would be the one to advance after the Oto-Nin's death.

After the pairings were announced everyone began to disperse, and like I thought Kakashi told me that he would be unavailable to train me as he had to focus on getting Sasuke ready to face Gaara.

I suppose I couldn't and quite frankly shouldn't blame either of them, so I just eye-smiled and wished them luck, saying that I would be fine on my own since I was used to it.

Kakashi eye-smiled back to hide the flinch caused by the thought of his sensei's son being 'fine on his own because he was used to it'.

Afterwards I treated myself to some of Ichiraku's famous ramen, celebrating making it to the finals with Teuchi-oji and Ayame-neechan. Everyone else had family celebrations, was busy with work like Anko and Jiji, or in Sasuke and Kakashi's case had already left the village.

After stuffing myself silly with delicious, delicious ramen I waddled my spherical shaped body home and swiftly fell asleep, dreams of toads, perverts, an older Ino, and Anko filling my head.

* * *

Before day even broke I was up and had spammed my max amount of clones and set them to work before heading to Training ground 9. I ended up working out with an unusually suppressed Gai, before visiting with Lee for a bit. It seemed that his wounds were severe and he probably would not be able to return to being a Ninja anymore.

Well I suppose this just means I still have a personal reason to go meet Tsunade when the time comes.

Then I headed to the hot springs. I had a certain, perverted, old man to rope into teaching me a few nifty Jutsu and being my sparring partner for a month.

Jiraiya was just as the anime portrayed him, tall, with a long white mane, and a complete scumbag. I found him flush against the wall containing the women's side of the hot springs, giggling creepily with his butt wiggling in the air.

"Well this is not hugely disappointing and dream crushing or anything. I mean Jiraiya of the Sannin is nothing but a peeping pervert." I let out a dramatic sigh, slowly shaking my head, as he didn't even bother to look away from the hole in the wall.

"You wouldn't understand the magnitude of what I am accomplishing kid. I'm doing research, reeeeeeesearch! Also I'm not a pervert…I'm a SUPER PERVERT!" The strongest shinobi in the village besides, maybe, the Hokage let out a shout as he exclaimed his self-given title.

I hurriedly Shunshin-ed away as the wall between the Toad Sage and the female population of the hot springs was kicked down and he was swarmed by pissed off women, kunoichi and civilian alike.

Deep calls of "Not the face! Not the face!" Were followed by shrill calls of "The face, please the face!"

When they finally left, Jiraiya was a broken and bleeding mess on the ground. I calmly Shunshin-ed back and nudged him with my foot. "O~i, I know you're not really hurt. O~i."

A few more nudges and he popped up to his feet looking right as rain again. "Damn it kid, you made me interrupt my research! How are you going to repay me for this?"

"Um, you are the one who shouted on your own about you being a pervert." I replied blank faced.

"Super pervert" The white haired ninja corrected.

Waving a hand in uncaring acceptance I continued. "Yeah, that. I only said I was disappointed that the man who wrote the Fuinjutsu books I like so much was such a…super pervert. How are you going to repay me for my crushed expectations?"

The Pervert turned his head carelessly. "The world is tough kid, get used to disappointment." He then scratched his nose and glanced at me from the corner of his eye while asking nonchalantly. "So you're reading my Fuinjutsu manuals, huh? Which volume are you on?"

"Volume 9, but I'll be moving on to Volume 10 soon. I've already experimented on my own a bit, but I'll need to have a base of at least level 10 before I can accomplish what I'm aiming for. After all removing Curse Marks and performing Space-Time Ninjutsu is tricky stuff." I replied equally as nonchalantly before pulling out my book and making to walk away. "Anyway I've got training to do for the next month. You know Chunin Exam final to compete in, Suna and Oto invasion to ward off and all."

"Of course, of course." Jiraiya nodded along complacently. "Yes Volume 9 is pretty good for someone your age, we can't all be a level 10 sealing master like me, but a level 9 sealing expert isn't bad for a 13…year…old…VOLUME 9!?" The Sanin's face froze for a moment before stupefaction took over his features.

"You said you're at VOLUME 9? AND you're moving on to Volume 10 soon? Curse Marks? Space-Time Ninjutsu!? Suna! OTO!?" My Godfather sped after me and stopped in front of me, blocking my path of egress.

For a moment I thought he would question me about my knowledge, but then I realized he would probably just ask Jiji.

"So I've decided to see if you're really at the level you claim to be, acting as your unofficial sensei since you apparently learned from the books I wrote. However! First you need to make up for my loss of research!" Jiraiya said while sticking his nose up in the air as if he was doing me a great favor.

"Oh? How should I do that?" I asked snapping my book closed and tucking it away, my sensing abilities reporting that my way of 'repaying' him was on its way to my location.

"You need to help me get a taste! Of a luscious, succulent, voluptuous, curvy fruit! If you know what I mean." The perverted, old man moved his hands to signal an hourglass shaped figure.

"Oh, sure. Just give it a few seconds and I'm sure you'll be able to have a taste. Fair warning, this fruit might be more than you can handle." As I finished my sentence I whirled around, disarmed a hand wielding a kunai and pressed it against a slender, white throat as I pulled my assailant's supple body flush with mine.

"Hey there Anko-chan, you're just in time." I couldn't help but affectionately rub my face into her neck and push myself against her round, plump rump.

"Blooooooooonnnnnndddddddddiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee-kun~" My serpent inclined friend whined/moaned. "You can't keep teasing me like this! I need you to spurt your stuff out for me, it's been so loooooong, and I can't take it! I need to taste it, to be covered in it, to feel it inside me! Just give me a taste! Just a taste!" Her hips rolled a needy, erotic rhythm against mine as she pleaded with me and writhed inside my grip, almost cutting her own throat in her eagerness.

"Does this count?" I cocked an eyebrow at my future sensei.

Blood dribbled from his nose and stars shone in his eyes as Jiraiya whipped out his notepad and began scribbling for a bit. Then he tucked it away and started to approach with wiggling fingers as his hands made groping motions.

I whispered softly in Anko's ear and her movements became smoother, more sinuous and seductive. Her trench coat opened even further, revealing the entirety of her cleavage and only just hiding the soft, pink peak on each breast. However it was threatening to give away even that tenuous coverage.

I slowly let go of the kunai at her throat and slipped back and away from what was about to happen.

"So, you want a taste too?" Anko purred while making bedroom eyes at Jiraiya. He could only nod frantically with a line of blood leaking from one nostril and down his chin. "Good, cause I really, REALLY need my fix. It's been far too long since anyone has spurted on me and I'm starting to crave it."

"This…this is the perfect fruit. Thank you kid, you did a wonderful job. I will be sure to train you to the best of my ability as a legendary Sannin!" Jiraiya promised as he and Anko approached each other, almost touching.

"I'll hold you to that. I'll meet you here tomorrow morning at 7. However, you might want to run now." My advice was ignored with a loud and obnoxious laugh.

I was walking away when the screams started.

* * *

Anko came by my place later on. I made us dinner and she thanked me for giving her such a great present. Men that big have quite a bit of blood they can spurt out before they fall unconscious and stop begging and screaming for mercy.

After eating we cuddled and I fell asleep to the smell of metal, blood, sex, and snakes, and the soothing lullaby of Anko's soft breathing and quiet murmurs.

"Mmmm…Blondie-kun's thing…yes…Blondie-kun moooore…honeymoon…best…kill first…bathe…blood…or…fuck…then kill…"

* * *

Waking up with Anko, naked aside from her bright, orange, micro thong, on top of me was arguably the most pleasant and the most dangerous situation I had been in yet in this world.

How did she know about my weakness for orange! Never mind, that much is obvious.

Everyone knew about my thing with the color orange.

The part to be concerned about was that my every instinct was screaming at me to take her right there as she snuggled into me and mumbled about how warm I was before sliding a small, soft, yet callused hand into my boxers and began to work me.

I knew I should move before it was too late and things went too far beyond what I was comfortable with. I mean I might have a total of over 30 years life experience in my head, but the primarily dominant memories and the hormone levels of my body were the original Naruto's.

So in some ways I actually was a 13 year old hitting puberty, with a 20-somethings memories and thought process grafted on, which was why I didn't throw Anko down and ravage her at every opportunity.

I was still Naruto from the manga/anime in many ways, especially in the desire to be recognized and wanted, even if my other life had influenced my behavior and morals almost beyond recognition.

Those morals are what held me back, I was in my 20s in my previous life and having sex or sexual interest with/in 13 year olds, or as a 13 year old just seemed wrong to me. However 'little Naruto' didn't see it that way and demanded we stay exactly where we were. With Anko's skilled hand stroking him until he was 'big Naruto'.

He won. Damn hormones.

I cuddled Anko closer and ran my hands over her obscene curves and tantalizingly smooth skin. I don't know at what point she woke up, but although she didn't speak, her mile wide grin said enough.

We gradually moved on from hands to tongues as we enjoyed each other, but soon after I made use of my ability to extend my tongue Anko's restraint disappeared and she took what she wanted without any resistance from me.

It was rough and needy at first.

I could only be thankful that I was not a virgin in my past life and that I had amazing stamina and a healing factor in this one. Especially when I called her Anko-nee, she went nuts in the best possible way. She would tighten like a constrictor and her womb would descend to try to milk me every time I said it. Then she would apologize for being such a bad sister and tell me that her slutty womb needed to be punished for lusting after her brother…hey I told you sex with Anko would definitely get kinky.

Yes I did! Like in the Wave arc, look it up damn it! Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, kinky, animalistic, amazing, rough sex.

I was extremely grateful that I had the foresight to put up privacy and silencing seals as part of my new defense system, but as we went on and grew accustomed to matching our rhythms I began to worry that they might not be enough.

When she snapped the headboard I didn't mind it.

When I shattered the bedframe and the mattress hit the floor as I pressed her down from above and she begged me to go harder as her nails took strips of skin from my back and shoulders and her legs wrapped around my waist in a vice grip I paid it no mind.

However when I was slamming into her, taking her against the wall with primal need, the spider web cracks that appeared in the Fuinjutsu reinforced wood got my attention.

Anko however had not yet had enough and refused to let me stop, distracting me from the damage we were doing to my apartment with a sloppy kiss, which gave new meaning to 'lots of tongue', while her insides contracted hungrily, as if they were a snake swallowing its prey whole, milking me thoroughly.

When we finally stopped, my apartment was a mess and I would definitely need to buy new furniture, preferably made from metal this time around.

However the glossy, vacant look in Anko's eyes, her wide, lascivious smile, the mix of sweat and other fluids that covered her salacious form in a filthy, lewd liquid, and the feel of her pressed against my side, nearly unconscious in post coital bliss soothed any negative feelings I might have had about the experience.

When I left the comatose kunoichi after wiping her off with a towel, difficult to manage when she kept trying to latch on to and cuddle me, tucking her under the covers of the ruined bed and planting a kiss on her temple, which resulted in a large, lecherous grin from the sleeping woman, I left to face the day.

Never before had I felt so light and full of energy, ready and braced to confront and surmount whatever would come! My FLAMES OF YOUTH were burning bright!

NO! Bad Naruto, bad, bad Naruto! Spandex is bad! Unless Anko wears it…nope even then green spandex will be bad.

I only sent a hundred or so clones to work on shape transformations and Water Nature Chakra exercises before completing my morning routine with Gai-sensei and visiting Lee. Then I headed over to the hot springs in order to meet with my new teacher.

Jiraiya looked like he hadn't slept and was busy frantically scribbling in his notebook. "Gold, pure gold. This kid is a genius…a veritable gold mine!"

"Hmm? You say something Ero Sennin?" I called out as I approached.

"Nope! No, nothing at all, are you ready to begin your training?" The legendary shinobi deflected weakly.

He couldn't have…could he? Oh my Kami, he definitely did!

"I want 50% of the proceeds of that book and any other stories that come from my love life." I laid out my demands clearly.

"Now wait just a-" Jiraiya made to protest.

"65%." I immediately countered.

"That-"

"75% or else I go to the Hokage and tell him you're taking advantage of and spying on his surrogate grandson to make money."

"DEAL! 75% it is." Tears were streaming down the Toad Sage's face as he kissed his profits goodbye. He just knew that this would be his best book yet.

* * *

"Learned it."

"…"

"Learned it."

"…"

"Learned it."

"Fine, what DON'T you already know how to do?" Jiraiya was immensely frustrated. He had planned to show his godson the ropes of being a shinobi and help with his foundation before teaching him a few supplementary Jutsu and how to access the Kyuubi's chakra.

Only to find out that Naruto's foundation was more solid than most Jonin.

That and the blond haired brat was a Jonin caliber shinobi, and a high class one at that. He knew most of the essential supplementary Jutsu, AND that he already had met and knew how to access and control the Kyuubi's chakra!

"Well I don't have a summoning contract, I don't have a fire or an earth affinity yet, my Genjutsu is the pits, the same with my Iryojutsu, I need more defensive Jutsu like your hair ones, my Kenjutsu could do with some professional polishing, and I could use some help on a few Fuinjutsu projects." I answered promptly, wanting to get the most out of this month.

"Oh, well I suppose I can help with some of that." With a nod to himself my newest sensei pulled out the Toad Contract Scroll.

A small nip and some finger calligraphy later and I was the newest Summoner of the Toads!

"Go on and give it a try then." My Godfather prompted me with a slightly nostalgic smile.

Flashing through the hand seals I pressed my bloody hand against the ground "Summoning Jutsu".

Wouldn't you know it, Gamabunta came out? What a surprise. Really. I'm shocked.

After riding around on his head until sunset I pulled out a jumbo sized barrel of sake for the toad boss and a small bottle and saucer for myself.

We sat and watched the sunset together as Jiraiya cried due to feeling jealous of and inadequate because of his own godson.

And deep in his heart he couldn't have been more proud.

* * *

My month of training with my 'secret' Godfather passed by in a blur of clones and awesome. Jiraiya cried often about cheating and unfairness. Cheating about my use of shadow clones and unfairness that I had gotten all he taught me to a practical level of use in a month.

Well truthfully it was more like 500 months or more, but that's the beauty of Hax no Jutsu!

Anko reveled often about fidelity and unfairness. Fidelity as regards to how she screamed that she was mine and 'little Naruto' belonged to her, and unfairness that she would have to pick killing or nookie. As our 'boinking' was apparently too good for her to think about murder at the same time we were going at it like rabbits.

As the sun dawned on the day of the final exam, I watched it rise while holding Anko in my arms. She was still dead to the world and drooling slightly against my chest as I contemplated the upcoming invasion.

I had managed to save Hayate Gekko's life, even if he was gravely injured unto death. It was hard to explain away why I was in the area, especially with the rumors of noise coming from my apartment late into the night starting to make the rounds despite additional silencing and privacy seals.

However I knew that every bit of trouble was worth it after Yugao thanked me with tears in her eyes and later Anko came rushing into the room in a fluster only to settle down when she saw Yugao calmly sitting by Gekko's bedside.

Ah, so that part of fanon was true then, Yugao and Anko are friends. I guess that meant that she was a friend of Gekko too then.

The look in her eyes after Yugao explained the situation to her made any residual doubts and regrets about my actions messing with the timeline vanish.

What did it matter if the timeline was preserved if I couldn't keep my precious people safe and happy?

Dosu disappeared as per usual, no doubt being used as a body for one of the deceased Hokages to be summoned with.

No real loss there, he was a pretty nasty piece of work anyway. AND I had set up some surprises for Orochimaru if/when he decided to invade based on the assumption he was still going to use the Edo Tensei.

* * *

It was strange lining up in front of the masses of people sitting in the stands, most of which hated me. Of course I didn't care nearly as much as I would have had I been the old Naruto…well maybe that's not entirely true. After all, excitement, enthusiasm, nerves, and a whole butt load of annoying-can-do attitude didn't blind me this go around.

I had also donned a new outfit for the occasion. I still wore the same black sandals and pants, but instead of the standard ANBU type armor on my chest and arms I now had black, fingerless gloves with matte metal plates on the back of my hands, and black ANBU armor with orange trim and various incomprehensible markings across them in the same color.

OH, I can't forget to mention my mask…nothing had changed with it!

Needless to say I was calmly reading my book and ignoring everything as I stood beside Ino and Shikamaru, the former nearly bouncing from excitement and anxiety and the latter looking as calm as I was as he stared up at the clouds.

"Where's Sasuke-kun? Hey, Naru-kun? Shouldn't he be here by now?" My blonde friend shook my shoulder as she pestered me about her crush's location without even mentioning my cool new outfit.

With a put upon sigh I tore my eyes from my book, with a great deal of effort in order to look at the girl. "Sasuke was training with Bakakashi-sensei, that means that they will show up late." I eye-smiled at her and returned to my book while I reassured her with my future knowledge. "Don't worry about it, he'll get a special dispensation for being late because he's 'The Last Uchiha'."

"Oh…well I hope he gets here soon." Ino seemed to be a bit put out by my answer for whatever reason, but rallied shortly after. "Well despite how awesome and handsome Sasuke-kun is, I still think it's unfair that he'll get a dispensation from the rules!"

It seemed that Ino was growing up if she could admit that the preferential treatment Sasuke got was unfair. However she still had a long way to go as she was still blushing with a hand on her cheek as she thought about the Brood-master.

"Hmmmm. How do you figure that Naruto?" Shikamaru asked me with a lazy voice that masked the razor sharp mind that had caught on to my oddly specific answer while also ignoring my new outfit.

Damn Naras are too damn smart for my own good.

"Mah~, I wonder?" I merely eye-smiled at him as I blatantly dodged answering his question. If he could ignore my outfit then I could ignore his question, fair is fair.

With a mutter of "Troublesome." Shikamaru returned his attention to the sky.

Shiranui Genma, our new proctor since Gekko was busy being wounded, soon announced the beginning of the matches with the change that Sasuke would fight Gaara last as he sucked on a senbon.

Come on dude that just can't be sanitary.

"The first match will be between Hyuga Neji and Uzumaki Naruto!" Genma shouted out for the benefit of the crowd.

Neji and I stayed on the field as the other contestants made their way to a spectators' balcony overlooking the action.

"You might as well just give up. You have done well getting up to this point, but you are fated to lose here. As it is my destiny as a genius to win and yours as a failure to lose." Neji opened his mouth and garbage came out, I mean he spouted bullshit, I mean he promptly shoved his foot into it, I mean…just forget it, I give up.

"Riiiiight." I deadpanned back as I drew out the word. "Because everything I've done since I graduated has just screamed failure."

Book in hand and without acknowledging him, I returned fire. "How many enemy shinobi have you killed? I mean I'm a year behind you and I've killed 3, 2 C-Rank Missing-Nin and 1 A-Rank Missing-Nin…but I'm sure I just missed your entry in the BINGO book."

Veins began to throb and protrude from the Hyuga prodigy's face. "You…insolent-!"

Genma took that as the signal to begin the match with a shout and a swipe of his arm. "Begin!"

My opponent dropped into his Juken stance as he activated his Byakugan.

I merely closed my book and tucked it out of the way. It wasn't that Neji was good enough to make me fight seriously, although he was really good for a Genin and certainly at Mid Chunin level in combat power at least.

It was that the Naruto in me couldn't bear to leave him as he was, miserable and caged by his own perception of reality. Especially when I knew that I could help him like in canon.

"So if I do win." I waved off his undoubtedly sanctimonious and fate centered retort. "If I do, then it was fated for you to lose?"

"Yes, that is correct. However that will not happen as it is your fate to lose here." Man this guy was almost as bad as Sasuke, but at least Sasuke seemed to be making progress in curbing his arrogance.

"So if it is my fate to lose, and that is undeniable." I stopped to make sure that Neji was following me. He gave me a nod to signal he was. "Then I would have overturned fate and proved that there is no such thing as a predetermined fate, and that we as people forge our own fate!"

"Preposterous! You can't go against Fate, no one can!" Neji's veins pulsed even more grotesquely around his Dojutsu as his chakra surged with his anger. "If you can win then it is so, but that would mean that I am bound to serve the main branch and live the life of a slave for no reason despite being a genius of my clan's Dojutsu. I refuse to acknowledge such a possibility!"

"Well yes, we can't help the circumstance that we are born into that much is true. I suppose you could call that Fate if you wanted to, but what we do with our lives after that is on us. So if you choose to live your life as a slave that is on you, not some Fate that happens to you. And even if there is a predetermined Fate…I'll change it! I won't accept a path in life where I can't protect the things and people precious to me, I won't acknowledge a world where things can't be changed through effort and cooperation." I began calmly, but was slowly ramping up until I was almost shouting out my beliefs.

"So the chains of your Fate…" I slowly raised my hand and pointed a single finger at him. "I will crush them along with you."

I clenched my hand into a fist and my chakra exploded, swirling round me in a storm of cerulean blue that shook the very air and caused a crater to form in the ground around where I stood, hair waving in the supernatural wind. I bet I looked just like a Super Saiyan with my longish, blond hair.

Neji cried out in agony and squeezed his eyes shut as my outrageous quantity of chakra went off in his eyes like a flash bang at pointblank range.

That was all he had the time to do before I was upon him. I reared back my fist and the chakra storm was compressed down until it merely circled around my fist and forearm like a ethereal, blue dragon.

"Grit your teeth and bear it." I called out with all the intensity of focus I could manage. Then I planted my feet and threw an uppercut, burying my chakra-coated fist into Neji's stomach.

Saliva and blood flew from his gaping mouth as his torso depressed around my arm. Time seemed to freeze as his milky white eyes rolled up into his head before the laws of physics took over and he went flying until he crashed into the wall across the stadium where he stuck in the depression his body had formed on impact.

Just like that I quieted the storm of chakra that surrounded me and approached my defeated opponent.

In a voice neither loud nor quiet, but one that reached every corner of the stadium I spoke to him. "Do you see now? Open those eyes you've kept closed for so long and take a look. The world isn't such a horrible place you know. The only chains surrounding you are the ones you put on yourself. So either pick them up and drag them or cast them off and move forward! If you do not have the strength by yourself then I will help you, all you have to do is try."

"I-I see. Father…I-I was wrong, wasn't I? A choice. It was always your choice." With those words the Hyuga Genius passed into unconsciousness.

Nodding my head at a job well done, even if Neji wouldn't be getting promoted and hadn't been able to show off his moves at all.

I had made it most of the way off the stage before Genma collected himself enough to announce the result of the match. "W-winner, Uzumaki Naruto?"

Silence reigned for moment that stretched into two, then three, before the cheers erupted.

"Hell yeah! That's my Blondie-kuuuuuuun!" Was distinctly heard over the roars of approval and patriotism from the Leaf civilians and shinobi alike.

"The Golden Storm of Konoha…I can believe it now."

"Did you feel that chakra? I felt like I was going to be ripped apart and cast to the winds!"

"What a monster, that's supposed to be a Genin!? Where the Hell did the Leaf get someone like that?"

Even Orochimaru, disguised as the Kazekage, couldn't help but lick his lips in fascinated shock. "Ahhhh Naruto-kun you've grown so much in the short time I haven't seen you! It makes me want you even more!"

The Sandaime Hokage, Hiruzen, was also dumbfounded, but hiding it well. "Naruto…when did you get so strong? It might be time to tell him the truth about everything. Yes, it is time. He is strong enough and more importantly mature enough now to handle it."

In the stands the Jonin-sensei of the other rookie teams all turned to look blankly at each other as they stood in shock, even Asuma who had a vague idea that Naruto was far ahead of the other Genin.

"What. The. Fuck. Did Kakashi do!?" Kurenai couldn't contain herself as she frantically waved her hands towards the stage. "How the Hell is that a Genin? No, a better question is why isn't he a Jonin? Or an ANBU"

"Well…from what I know it's only been about a year since he was able to start training seriously. I knew he was talented and powerful for his age but…I-this-I can't." Asuma tried to explain, but only managed to make things worse.

"WAHAHAHAHAHA!" Gai began to laugh loudly and obnoxiously. "So Naruto-kun was able to make some progress! Yes that was a most YOUTHFUL battle! While I am saddened at my student's loss, it was for the best this time. He learned a great and much needed lesson about life and if it was anyone else besides Naruto-kun they would not have been so gentle with him."

"You-you know something about what just happened?" The other Jonin all turned their attention towards Gai as he continued laughing boisterously.

"OF COURSE! Naruto-kun is one of my MOST YOUTHFUL STUDENTS! And his FLAMES OF YOUTH are MOST extraordinary! I became his Taijutsu teacher almost as soon as he graduated from the Academy and his progress and dedication is astounding! He has caught up to Lee in pure Taijutsu and is slowly inching towards even myself. It is with youths like him that the future of the village can rest easy." With that Gai struck a 'nice-guy pose' and his teeth sparkled 'dashingly'.

"Oh…so he's just another Taijutsu training monster, but with a lot of chakra?" Kurenai asked hesitantly.

"WAHAHAHA! OF COURSE!" Gai called with a belly laugh, settling the Jonin down a bit. Then he dropped the bomb. "However he is also equally skilled with Ninjutsu, although his Genjutsu still needs some work."

Every other Jonin in hearing distance turned to stone at that moment, but even so all of their heads caused grinding sounds as they turned to look my direction.

I glanced their way and eye-smiled, turning my eyes into happy crescents as I waved casually at them causing them all to shatter into pieces.

As I mounted the stairs to the waiting balcony Ino pounced on me. "Holy shit Naru-kun! That was awesome; you were so strong and pretty cool too. Maybe even as cool as Sasuke-kun! You wouldn't use that against me when we fight though would you?" The little minx looked up at me with limpid, blue eyes.

"Nah, Neji was a special case. I needed to help him to realize something and the only way I could do it was through force. Plus he's better than you, so I can go easier on you." I gently ruffled her hair while she pouted at me.

"Not to mention you're a cute girl and my friend. Both are big plusses in your favor." Her pout remained, but now a pretty, pink blush framed it.

"Kami this is troublesome. If I come up against you I'm just going to forfeit." The resident lazy genius shared his take on the situation. "But that technique…it's not finished yet is it?"

"Oh so you noticed?" I rubbed the back of my head a bit sheepishly. "Yeah it looks cool as it is, but once it's finished you wont be able to actually see it. My chakra control isn't quite good enough yet and I still use waaaaaaay too much and can't compress it finely enough."

"Troublesome blond(e)s. Definitely forfeiting." Shikamaru shook his head and went back to taking a nap on the floor.

"U-zu-ma-ki." The voice that called me was leaking bloodlust and fear in nearly equal measures.

I turned to look at the source and offered a friendly wave towards the Suna Siblings. "Yo Temari-chan, Kankuro, Gaara. What's up?"

"You-how strong are you really?" Temari asked with an apprehensive look at me and a downright terrified glance at Gaara.

"Hmmmm? I wonder?" I innocently eye-smiled before opening one eye slightly, so that it was a slit of light. "Maybe as strong as a Kazekage or perhaps…a Sannin."

Temari couldn't help but gasp and Kankuro choked on air. Gaara on the other hand merely glared at me harder. "I will kill you and feed your blood to Mother. She's screaming for it, baying for it, she needs it!"

"Once again that would be Shukaku, the One-Tailed Tanuki, not your mother. I'd be happy to take a look at that seal and fix up whatever mistake is letting him influence you and keep you from sleeping." I offered while staring into his rabid eyes.

"You…can let me sleep?" Gaara seemed shocked.

"Sure, we've got a few matches before either of us have to fight again. I can probably have at least a temporary patch on it by then." I shrugged carelessly while talking about super advanced Fuinjutsu.

"I-I…MOTHER!" It looked like the Ginger Jinchuriki would accept before he screamed and clutched his head in pain.

" "Gaara!" " His siblings cried in unison.

"Nooooooo. I will kill you and bathe in your blood!" Gaara returned to being fully homicidal.

"Suit yourself." I turned away from them, my olive branch rejected.

When I returned to the Konoha side of the balcony Shino of all people stood before me. "Something is going to happen, involving the Suna-Nin, isn't it?"

"Well aren't you perceptive? Yes. So keep vigilant and it's most likely to happen during Gaara's fight with Sasuke. Tell Shikamaru, but knowing her, Ino might give it away if we let her know too soon." I whispered into his ear as his insects buzzed furiously and he nodded.

"The next match will be between Aburame Shino and Sabaku no Kankuro! Contestants, please enter the arena!" Genma called out for the next match.

"I forfeit!" Kankuro immediately yelled down in reply.

As in canon, Kankuro forfeited his match against Shino. This caused Shino's bugs to buzz loudly for a moment before he nodded his head and accepted it.

"Predictable." I shook my head and shrugged, catching Shika's eye as he finished his whispered conversation with Shino.

"Troublesome." The Nara genius muttered with a sigh.

Then the irregular match up had arrived.

Subaku no Temari vs. Yamanaka Ino.

"All right, now it's finally my turn!" Ino crowed.

"Yes, too bad for you I'm your opponent. However I'll show you what a real kunoichi looks like! You can thank me later." Temari smirked condescendingly.

"Who knows, she might surprise you. Ino-chan can be fairly crafty when she puts her mind to it." I eye-smiled at the two of them.

"You know it Naru-kun! Besides, I have to keep the trend of Konoha wins going. I can't be the first one to lose to a Sand-Nin after all!" My blonde friend pumped her fist in the air before throwing me a wink.

"Fine then, I'll just have to take down the pretend kunoichi and show you all what a real kunoichi looks like." Temari stated brusquely as she mounted her fan intending to glide down to the arena.

"Well, good luck Sand Flower." I offered to Temari.

"Save your luck for your friend, she'll need it. I'm a kunoichi, I don't rely on luck, only skill." Temari rejoined, but the faint pink on her cheeks showed that she appreciated the thought despite her words and the upcoming invasion.

"Bitch! I'll show you who is a 'pretend kunoichi' when I kick your ass back to the desert!" Ino shouted back before surprising me with a sloppily performed Shunshin.

"Hooooo." I made a sound of appreciation and mild surprise.

Ino turned and threw up a peace sign at me after she appeared on the stage with a whirl of leaves, as if to say that I wasn't the only one who could do it.

Then she turned to Temari and assumed a serious face in preparation for her upcoming fight. Both opponents were reasonable well matched in skill, so it would come down to technique.

Could Ino catch Temari in her family's Jutsu, and/or did she have any surprises up her sleeve? Or would Temari tear through her with her Wind Jutsu? That was what would determine the outcome of this fight.

"BEGIN!" Genma shouted out to start the match as he took some distance from the competitors.

As soon as Genma started the match, a powerful Jutsu rocked the grand structure down to its foundations and ripped the arena apart!

Is not what happened.

"I'll end this quick!" Ino called as she brashly charged her opponent.

"Insolent!" Temari barked out as she opened her fan to the first mark and took her stance. "By the time my fan opens to the third mark you'll have already lost!"

The Suna kunoichi then swung her fan and unleashed her "Wind Style: Sickle Weasel Jutsu".

As the blade of wind roared towards her, Ino charged on recklessly into the attack. It seemed like she was hit by the dangerous Jutsu and her blood spurted everywhere as she was torn in half.

Or that would have happened if not for a quick Kawarimi!

Hail The Log. All Glory and Praise to The Log, for The Log provides!

I clapped my hands together and performed a deep bow towards the chopped log that had taken Ino's place as the recipient of the attack.

Everyone else around me looked at me as if I was crazy, but Shikamaru cracked open an eye and lazily mumbled "Praise The Log."

I knew there was a reason I liked him!

"I have you now!" Ino cried out as she channeled her inner Sith Lord, whoops wrong genre.

"You wish!" Temari roared as she twisted and threw a kick towards Ino.

The Suna kunoichi only realized what a mistake that was when Ino easily grasped the offending leg and used it to draw herself in before delivering a nasty strike to the outside of the knee, causing a bloodcurdling scream to come from Temari and a horrid crunch to come from her hyperextended knee.

The foreign blonde forced Ino back with a wild swing of her fan, trying to recover from the damage dealt to her and restore her composure.

"Bitch! I'll kill you for that!" Temari snarled.

"Bring it on skank. Your little, toy fan has nothing on real, Wind Jutsu like Naru-kun and Asuma-sensei can use." I had to face palm at Ino giving away the fact that I could use Wind Natured Jutsu. However it did seem to tick Temari off even more, and a ticked off opponent was a distracted opponent, so there was that.

The enraged kunoichi opened her fan fully and took a deep breath before releasing it with a yell. "Wind Style: Great Sickle Weasel Jutsu"

The blades of wind tore up the ground and scattered dust and debris into the air, obscuring the end result.

When the dust settled there was no sign of Ino, but for a bit of blood and purple cloth where she had been standing. "Hmph, so you managed to dodge it, if not without injury. I may have taken you too lightly, perhaps you're just a poor kunoichi instead of a pretend one."

"You can take that conclusion and shove it!" Ino roared as she shot out of the ground at Temari's feet and planted a full force uppercut on her chin. "I'm the future 'top kunoichi' of the Leaf Village!"

The punch took the blonde Suna-Nin off her feet and sent her into dreamland. With that Ino had won and changed not only her own fate, but many others as well.

"YOSHAAAA!" I cried out as I saw Ino pop out of her "Earth Style: Hiding Like A Mole Technique". "That's the way to use your head Ino-chan! No need to risk using your clan technique without backup"

I then realized that I had broken character and hurriedly returned to my Volume 10, Fuinjutsu for Dummies by Jiraiya while consoling myself that at least my verbal tick didn't appear.

Oh, did I not mention that was the title till now? Sorry, I suppose it was slightly embarrassing to be reading a 'for dummies' book.

I could feel the incredulous gazes on me as I studiously kept my nose glued to the pages of sealing knowledge.

"Naru-kun~ I did it!" Ino cried as she came running up the steps with a big smile on her face.

"Hmmm? You say something Ino-chan?" I attempted to restore 'normalcy' and had to dodge a fist to my head by pretending to pick up a coin I surreptitiously dropped for just this purpose.

"I won you idiot!" The blonde terror shrieked at me before realizing what she had just done. "Um-no-I mean…I won without using my clan technique just like you said, so-"

"Hai, hai. I'm treating you to dinner wherever you like." I eye-smiled at her and gently patted her head. "Good job out there Ino-chan."

"Y-yeah. Thanks, Naru-kun." The Yamanaka heiress blushed again while taking peaks at me and letting me stroke her hair. "Sooooo what do I need to do to get you to take off that mask?"

"Hmmm. How about you beat me in an all-out fight?" I suggested while retracting my hand from her hair.

"NO WAY! That's way too hard!" She retorted.

"Hmmm. How about completing the same training as me for a day?"

"Rejected. Absolutely impossible."

"Hmmm. How about getting a date with Sasuke?"

"I can tot…well…maybe…can you pick something else?"

"Hmmm. Sure thing Ino-chan. How about if you become a Chunin and learn Iryojutsu without giving up your Taijutsu practice…and you get Shikamaru to join us twice a week?" I gave my final option, and the one I actually wanted her to accept.

"What!? NO, NARUTO!" Shikamaru cried as he felt his future instantly become enveloped in a shroud of hard work and troublesome blond(e)s.

"DEAL!" Ino cried triumphantly as she had already been interested in Iryojutsu since Naruto mentioned it a while ago as something he was looking into that she might be good at. Besides, it would be good for Shikamaru to train with them, and especially good for her team.

Maybe she could get Choji to join as well?

"Troublesome, I hate you Naruto." My Nara 'friend' (?) said without any vigor.

Since Sasuke and Bakakashi-sensei had still yet to arrive by the time Temari's injuries had been treated she faced off against Shikamaru.

The match was much less stressful on Shika than in canon, but still ended with him forfeiting 'because he was running low on chakra'.

"You really think anyone actually bought that horse crap?" I ribbed my pineapple haired friend.

"I don't really care, this whole thing is way too troublesome. I never should have become a ninja." The lazy boy sighed as he kept his eyes glued to the sky.

Then it was time for the 'pivotal' match, Sabaku no Gaara versus Uchiha Sasuke.

"The Next Match is between Subaku no Gaara and Uchiha Sasuke! Will the contestants please step forward!" Genma called for the next match.

Gaara appeared on the stage with a Sand-Shunshin and proceeded to hurry up and wait. After several calls for Sasuke, Genma looked up to the Hokage's box for direction.

Hiruzen couldn't help but sigh in disappointment in Kakashi ruining his student's chances for advancement with his bad habit. He nodded his grizzled head to signal Genma, who took a deep breath only to let it out in a relieved whoosh.

Sasuke and Kakashi appeared back to back in the middle of the stage, trying to look cool, just as in canon.

Sasuke was wearing his new, black outfit, which made him look even more emo. But Ino seemed to like it from the 'squee' she let out and her furious blush. So I guess he knew what he was doing. "I hope we're not late?" The Copy-Nin asked blithely.

"You're really late." I returned just as blithely.

"Oh." My Jonin sensei rubbed the back of his head and eye-smiled. "Well a black cat-"

"Enough, it has been put off long enough. The current match is between Subaku no Gaara and Uchiha Sasuke, remove yourself Kakashi and let your student fight." Jiji called down sounding slightly annoyed.

With that Kakashi Shunshin-ed away and only Gaara and Sasuke were left with Genma in the arena

"I will feed Mother your blood before I kill Uzumaki Naruto!" Gaara raved towards Sasuke.

"Hn. So Naruto won? I suppose that was expected, but the one who will beat him…IS ME!" Sasuke bellowed as his onyx eyes shifted to crimson with three tomoe in one eye and two in the other and rushed the Ginger Maniac.

"B-BEGIN!" Genma managed to call out just after Sasuke made his move.

To cut it short and prevent Mc-Broods-a-lot from getting much screen time, even with all of his improvement from the Sasuke of canon the 'Last Uchiha' was forced to do the exact same thing.

He initiated a Taijutsu beat down on red head Jinchuriki, obviously copying the style of the Goken pulled from Lee's fight with Gaara and almost matching Lee's speed with his weights removed.

It was only my interference and the extra motivation Lee had gained because of it that he was any faster than Sasuke currently was, despite the strain that moving at such a speed obviously put on the Uchiha.

When Gaara decided that he had had enough of being a sandbag, hehe sandbag, he retreated to his sand dome.

Sasuke took the opportunity to reveal his new Jutsu, Chidori, and pierced the dome, wounding Gaara, and sending the unstable kid into a berserk frenzy.

Finally the feathers began to fall, which was exactly when my preparations kicked into effect and a whole storm of shit was sent Oto and Suna's way.

* * *

And there it is. I did a pretty long one to make up for my extended absence.

Canon is fighting back, but the Curb Stomping is getting bigger and harder...To The Face!

To cut off any complaints, stats aren't exactly the be-all-end-all of who wins in a fight.

However they are a decent indicator of your overall capability and power as a Shinobi.

Most stats will be taken from Kishimoto's OFFICIAL Naruto info/wiki then adapted with the progression of the story.

* * *

Love it?

Hate it?

Have an idea how I could improve the reading experience? (Besides updating more often ;} )

Let me know and I'll do my best to fix what I can and improve the rest.

And if you don't like it...

Well there are other fics out there that you will probably enjoy, so best of luck finding one that suits you.

Praise The Log!

ViP out.

* * *

 **Ranking System**

 **1-9 = Civilian**

 **10-13 = Civilian that can access Chakra**

 **14-22 = Genin**

 **23-27 = Chunin**

 **25-27 = Tokubetsu Jonin**

 **28-31 = Jonin**

 **31.5-33.5 = Elite Jonin**

 **[32-35.5 = S Rank Nin]**

 **34-35.5 = Kage Class**

 **36-40 = Sage of 6 Paths Class**

* * *

 **Uzumaki Naruto**

 **Nin – 4.5**

 **Tai - 4.5**

 **Gen - 2.5**

 **Int – 4**

 **Str – 4**

 **Spd - 4.5**

 **Stm – 5**

 **HS - 4.5**

 **Total – 33.5**

 **Hyuga Neji**

 **Nin – 4**

 **Tai – 4.5**

 **Gen – 2**

 **Int - 3**

 **Str - 3**

 **Spd –4**

 **Stm – 2.5**

 **HS – 3**

 **Total – 26**

 **Uchiha Sasuke**

 **Nin - 4**

 **Tai – 3.5**

 **Gen – 2.5**

 **Int – 2.5**

 **Str – 2.5**

 **Spd – 4**

 **Stm – 3**

 **HS – 4**

 **Total – 26**

 **Gaara**

 **Nin – 4.5**

 **Tai – 2**

 **Gen – 2.5**

 **Int - 3.5**

 **Str - 2**

 **Spd – 2**

 **Stm – 5**

 **HS – 4**

 **Total – 25.5**

 **Yamanaka Ino**

 **Nin – 3.5**

 **Tai – 3**

 **Gen – 2**

 **Int – 3.5**

 **Str – 3**

 **Spd – 3.5**

 **Stm – 3**

 **HS – 3.5**

 **Total – 25**

 **Temari**

 **Nin – 4**

 **Tai – 2.5**

 **Gen – 1.5**

 **Int – 3.5**

 **Str - 3.5**

 **Spd – 2.5**

 **Stm – 2.5**

 **HS – 3**

 **Total – 23**

 **Nara Shikamaru**

 **Nin – 3.5**

 **Tai – 2**

 **Gen – 3.5**

 **Int - 5**

 **Str - 2**

 **Spd – 2.5**

 **Stm – 2**

 **HS – 3**

 **Total – 23.5**


	7. Author's Note: The Story is Alive

Okay so first of all, the story is **ALIVE** and I am now back to working on the next chapter. 6000 or so words in and hoping to give y'all a big one to celebrate my return.

Second, I went back and edited and changed a few things about the story in the previous chapters. So if you are interested in reading those in detail you can do so.

If not, then just know that I made the SI less whiny about improper teaching in the Academy, corrected quite a few grammatical errors, and overall just sharpened up the writing slightly.

I hope y'all enjoy the revamped story and look forward to the new chapter I hope to have out soon!

Ja Ne

ViP


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